The Pirates of Penzance

Shoo, shoo.

Pirates!

What? No! No! I'll get you for this.

Not in the water! No!

Happy birthday!

Happy

Yes, Frederic.

From today, you'll rank as a full-blown member of our band.

My friends, I thank you all from my heart for your kind wishes.

Would that I could repay them as they deserve.

What do you mean?

Today, I am out of my indentures.

Today...

I leave you forever.

- Hey. - What?

This is quite unaccountable.

A keener hand at scuttling a Cunarder

or cutting a P&O never shipped a handspike!

Yes, I did my best for you.

And why?

Because it was my duty under my indentures.

And I am the slave of duty.

Oh.

As a child, I was regularly apprenticed to your band.

It was through an error.

An error? No matter.

The mistake was ours, not yours, and I was in honor bound by it.

What error?

Well, I dare not say,

for it would reflect upon my well-loved Ruth.

Ruth?

Nay, dear master,

my mind has long been gnawed by the cankering tooth of mystery.

Better have it out at once.

A ship's pilot?

This afternoon my obligation ceases.

Aye.

Individually, I love you all with affection unspeakable.

But collectively,

I look upon you with a disgust

that amounts to absolute detestation.

Oh, pity me, beloved friends.

For such is my sense of duty,

that once out of my indentures,

I shall feel myself bound

to devote myself heart and soul

to your extermination.

No, no, no, no, Frederic.

If you conscientiously feel

that it is your duty to destroy us,

we cannot blame you for acting on that conviction.

Always act in accordance with the dictates

of your conscience, my boy,

and chance the consequences!

And besides, we can offer you

but little temptation to remain with us.

We don't seem able to make piracy pay.

I don't know why I'm sure, but I don't.

Well, I do know why.

Alas, I cannot tell you!

It would not be right.

Why not?

It's only...

11:56.

And you are one of us until the clock strikes 12.

Aye!

And until then, you are bound to protect our interests.

Hear, hear.

Well, then, it's my duty as a pirate to tell you

that you are too tender-hearted.

For instance, you make it a point of never attacking

a weaker party than yourselves.

And when you attack a stronger one,

you invariably get thrashed!

There's some truth in that.

And then again, you make it a point of never molesting an orphan.

Well, of course not! We're orphans ourselves! And know what it is like!

Yes, but it has got about. And what is the consequence?

Everyone we capture says he's an orphan!

The last three ships we took proved to be manned entirely by orphans.

One would think that Great Britain's mercantile fleet

was recruited solely from her orphan asylums.

And we know this is not the case.

Frederic, you wouldn't have us absolutely merciless?

Ah, well, there's my problem.

Till 12:00, I would, after 12:00, I wouldn't.

Oh, was ever a man placed in so delicate a situation.

Frederic.

Frederic. Frederic.

And, Ruth, your own Ruth whom you love so well,

who has won her middle-aged way into your boyish heart.

What is to become of her?

Oh, he will take you with him.

Well, Ruth.

I feel some little difficulty about you.

It's true I admire you very much.

But I've been constantly at sea since I was eight years old.

Yours is the only woman's face I've seen in that time.

I think it is a sweet face.

Ah, it is. Oh, it is.

I say, I think it is.

But as I've never had the opportunity

of comparing you with other women,

I just may be mistaken.

True.

Excuse me.

What a terrible thing it would be

if I were to marry this innocent person,

to find out that she is, on the whole...

...plain.

Plain? Oh, Ruth? Ruth is very...

Well...

Well?

Yes. Very well.

There are the remains of a fine woman about Ruth.

Do you really think so?

I do.

Well then, I will not be so selfish

as to take her from you.

In justice to her, and in consideration for you, sir,

I will leave her behind.

Oh.

Ah.

Oh.

Oh, no. No.

No!

No, Fredric. No, no. No, this must not be.

- No, no! We are rough men! - Rough!

Who lead a rough life.

Rough! Rough!

But we are not so utterly heartless

as to deprive thee of thy love!

I think I'm right in saying that there is not one here

who would rob thee of this inestimable treasure

for all the world holds dear.

Not one!

I thought there wasn't.

Well, it's the top of the tide, and we must be off ourselves.

There's the day's pillage to be done.

Man the foresail. Jib the top fold. Hoist the topsail.

Hoist the mainsail. Hoist the jibsail. Drop the anchor.

Weigh the anchor.

Hoist the topsail.

Frederic! Don't swim.

Take the dinghy.

And when your process of extermination begins,

let our deaths be as swift and painless

as you can conveniently make them.

I will.

By the love I have for you, I swear it!

Oh, would that you could render this extermination unnecessary,

by accompanying me back to civilization.

No, Frederic, it cannot be.

I don't think much of our profession.

But contrasted with respectability,

it is comparatively honest.

No, Frederic.

I shall live

and die

a Pirate King!