Cougar Town

Penny can!

Whoo!

You know why I keep these notepads around?

Because I like to make lists.

"Names for Travis if he was a girl."

Oh. Number one... "Jules Jr."

But he'd go by "J.J."

Aw. Love that.

"Who's the hottest in our gang? " The three of us tied for first.

Why is your name on the top? Don't snoop.

I'm starting a new list... "most boring game."

Number o o with a bullet...

Penny can!

I have an idea on how to make this dumb game better...

"truth or penny can."

Dang it!

Ha ha! All right.

I got a question. What is that word you can't pronounce?

There are no words,

'cause I'm great at words. How do you say r-u-I-n?

Royn.

What? Shut up. I hate this game.

Why? Would you say we royned it?

Okay. My turn.

Ohh! Oh. Okay, I got one. What are those sparkly things?

Oh, it's just the tops of butterfly wings.

I got vajazzled. Do you guys want to know what vajazzling is?

Yes, I... don't.

Okay, my turn.

Oh!

Oh, oh, oh! I got this one.

Bobby, does taking alimony from Jules feel more like stealing

or feel more like putting your pride in a burlap sack

and throwing it off a bridge?

Truth or penny can just got real, y'all.

Ellie.

Don't hate the playa, hate the game, yo.

Breakups just suck.

No. We had a good run.

Dad, you don't have to be here.

Let me enjoy the moment.

I just can't remember if I left my hair dryer here.

Ohh. Huh, must be my pregnancy brain.

No. It's a joke, dad. Be nice.

You know, Laurie, we didn't always get along,

and I just want you to know that...

It's over, missy.

Here's the curb, and here's what he's doing to ya. Aah!

I wish you nothing but the very best.

Very impressive, sir.

I like the house.

But there any way we can make the bathroom less Chinese?

Oh. I think the shoji screens create a nice spatial flow.

Sure. We can make it less Chinese.

Hey. Laurie told me I'd find you here.

Your "worst client" list? I can't relate to this dude.

I mean, he's even too redneck for me,

and I've got a cousin named grits.

Somethin' scared up a bunch of baitfish out there.

It was probably a big ol' snook.

You ever hook into a monster snook?

You're all like, "whoo!" And you're all, "whoo!"

Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo! How could I do "whoo" wrong?

I'll be in touch, Julie.

Let me go close that guy. He's my people. Put me in, coach.

I don't need your help. What's up?

I had Andy go over my finances. I'm doing pretty good, j-bird.

Picked up a few more golf lessons, you know, and if I cut

some corners and maybe sell some of Travis's sperm...

Mnh. Dog Travis.

Still weird. The point is, I want to stop taking alimony.

What do you think?

No more alimony!

No more alimony. Mwah.

She took my fries.

No more alimony!

And have a fry!

All right, sweetie.

No more alimony. No more alimony.

And you're home from college.

Mmm!

I brought laundry.

And you still need me.

I love this day.

I'm going out trolling for dudes tonight, but... dilemma.

I only have half a can of spray tan left.

Do I go north... or south side?

I'd go with zebra stripes. Slow down.

This is the first time you've had your heart broken. I'm fine.

You told me you dreamed about having kids with Smith.

There's no rush for me to have kids.

My family is super fertile.

My aunt got pregnant trying on bikinis. True story.

It's not. Well, my uncle believed her.

Ultimately, that child saved their marriage, so...

Check it. I got a Margarita machine

for Bobby's no-alimony party tomorrow.

Oh! Margies take me back to a vacation I took

on the island of Mexico.

You mean an island off the coast of Mexico.

No. That whole sucker's an island. Yeah.

But... we drove there.

Travis.

Mexico has beaches.

So even though we live in Florida,

which is a state covered with beaches,

you're all in agreement

that because Mexico has beaches, it's an island?

Mm-hmm. Absolutely.

Of course. See, Trav. This is why I'm glad you're home.

Because without you, I, too, am an island,

surrounded by an ocean of dummies on all sides,

which is what an island is... Ya dummies.

No need to call names. Seems a little harsh. Yeah. Chill.

You spend all your free time throwing pennies in a can.

I bet none of you have read a

book in the last six months. I just finished a book.

The instruction manual to the Margarita machine

doesn't really count as a book. Why not?

It was a page-Turner. You know, for a while there,

I didn't know where to put the ice. Good God.

He's already with someone? Aw, poor Laurie.

"Poor Laurie"? I haven't been called that since grade school.

I used to have to trade kisses for milk money.

Oh, hell, no!

Smith! You are a dead man!

Be cool. It's my bar.

Thank you.

Aah. Ohh!

You guys, he's not moving. Okay. My car has a huge trunk.

What?! Really?

Right to disposing of the body?

Gotcha, bitches! What?!

Fake glass! I told you guys I was fine.

You know, the kick was a surprise, though.

I was in the moment.

Some of us overdid it

at the pre-no-more-alimony-party party,

so I've rimmed these margaritas with crushed-up aspirin.

They should market this to drunks... or us.

Anyway, to Bobby!

Yeah! To me! Whoo, whoo, whoo! Yeah!

Let's get this party bumpin'. I hate myself.

Yo, dad, check it out!

Whoa! Nice, buddy. I'm comin' in.

Oh, good. I am wearin' trunks.

Hey, Andy. Thanks for taking care of Bobby's money stuff.

Had to make some real sacrifices. Laur, I want you to throw it,

and I'm gonna catch it in my mouth, dog-style.

Get ready to fetch. Who's a good boy?

What kind of sacrifices? He dropped his health insurance.

His health insurance?

Ohh!

I got it.

Ohh.

Bobby!

The sonata turbo. There you go, Roge.

Bobby. Okay. You know how I love doing disgusting stuff.

I wanted to thank you for letting me

jam your shoulder back in.

I mean, between the popping noise

and Andy throwing up... ohh.

It was so much fun. You're very welcome.

Secondly, what are you doing teaching golf lessons?

You're hurt. You've gotta go see a doctor.

If it's about the money, I will pay.

No, I'm done taking money from you. It's not right.

Besides, I'm fine.

Roger, you're opening up your hips. Here. Try this.

Ooh.H.Ohh!

What's with the scream?

Helps you focus.

Okay.

I am slammed at work. I could really use your help,

and you can get on our health insurance. This isn't charity?

You'd be doing me a favor.

All right. Starting tomorrow, consider me your bitch.

Sweetie, I already do.

Ahh!

You're right. Look at that.

Yeah, I think we're both gonna have

the "you're hooking up with my mom" hamburger.

What's on that? Who cares? It's free.

Hey!

Yes, of course we can grab a beer sometime.

We're friends.

All right. Later, Smith.

Giant mistake. I can be friends with my ex.

Right. "Hey, let's be friends."

"Okay. Well, you wanna come over and watch a movie?"

"Sure." "Is that the bra that I could never unfasten?

Let me try just once." "No." "Yes." "No."

"Okay, well..." And boom. He's hittin' that again.

I think what the preppie murderer

is trying to say is that

you're vulnerable... and if you're not careful,

you'll end up feeling dumped all over again.

And that's just a special kind of sad.

Sad is when your foster brother