Outsourced

Okay, everyone, be sure to push these t-shirts.

They're great impulse buys.

Todd.

This shirt is for me

Because I care about the environment.

nice.

"spooning may lead to forking."

Ha ha. That's kind of a pun.

I understand, I just can't believe

A man would wear a shirt like this in public.

That's actually a women's shirt.

Really?

All right, lk. They're jokes.

They're kind of like icebreakers,

A way to start a conversation.

You don't have to me a woman's family

Or have a good job-- you can meet her

Just by what it says on her t-shirt?

Yeah, it's possible.

Wow.

What is a mustache ride?

That's a little too advanced for today.

Maybe next week.

oh.

If I give you ten cents,

May I have a ride to work tomorrow?

okay, thank you very much, please, good bye.

Oh, man, have you seen tonya today?

She is ten pounds of pretty in a five-pound sack.

- She's extra pretty. - Yeah, got it.

You have a special lady back home?

Uh, nothing serious, you know, just dating.

Although, I did meet a girl right before I got here.

I told her I was leaving the country

And that kind of made things intense.

We had an amazing weekend.

You should keep in touch with her, man.

You don't want to lose someone like that.

Well, it's a little tough.

She thinks I'm in iraq.

Yeah, not proud.

Here she comes. Gotta get this right.

I'm gonna ask her out today.

How's my breath?

I see you haven't run out of slim jimset.

Uh, okay, I'll leave you to it.

No, no, no. You're my wingman.

Help me out here. I need a pickup line.

You don't need a pickup line. Just be yourself.

"uh, hey, tonya, if you were a deer,

I'd shoot you and mount you."

- Be someone else. - Right.

G'day, fellas. How's the arvo going?

Oh.

Come on, arvo. Aussie for afternoon.

Oh, okay. That's good to know.

I once shot a kangaroo.

So there you go.

So charlie was telling me about

This indian restaurant he really likes.

It's supposed to be amazing, right?

Yeah, it's amazing.

You might like it.

What's it called?

Ting tang wallah walla bing bang.

It's a chain.

Maybe Friday, if you're free for dinner.

Um, yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, we should all go out.

Oh. Well, I--

Oh, sorry, that's me. So tomorrow nigh right?

Cool, bye.

Hey.

- I'm sorry-- - no.

You put her in the crosshairs, and I pulled the trigger.

Looks like I'm about to bag my second roo.

Only thing is, now you need a date.

- Okay. - Oh, man.

How do you drink hot tea in this weather?

- It's not that hot. - Not that hot?

I can't stop sweating.

The guidebook told me to use baby powder.

Now I've got a paste factory in my pants.

So our friendship is to the place

Where we say anything we think?

I'm sorry.

Hey, uh, manmeet,

I did want to ask you something, though.

Huh?

So how does the whole dating thing work here in india?

- Oh, it's a nightmare, man. - Yeah?

You have to be from the right family,

Have the right education--

It's not like in america.

I heard women ask the men out.

You can just be driving down the street,

And a woman will come up to your car

And ask if you want a date.

I think those women charge for their dates,

But, yeah, this is pretty different.

Why do you ask?

Well, I got roped into having dinner

With charlie and tonya tomorrow night.

I don't have a date, and--

And you're wondering how you can ask asha.

- What? - Mm-hmm.

No, no.

I know you like her, man.

No, I don't.

Todd, I've seen the way you look at her.

I look at her the way I look at any other employee.

I've seen it, okay?

This is how you look at the rest of the employees.

This is how you look at asha.

You notice the difference?

Rest of the employees...

Asha.

Employees.

Asha.

Employees--

Okay! Look, I don't do that.

But even if I was interested in her, you know,

This whole work thing.

I'm her boss, and she works for me.

I've only ever role-played this,

And even then I'm never the boss.

What would you do in america?

Uh, probably do the group thing.

You know, tell her a bunch of people are going out for dinner,

And then at the restaurant, sit next to her,

Pull out the charm, maybe even

Break out my baby chick story.

Your what?

My uncle had a farm.

And one summer, a hen died

And I ended up hand-raising these baby chicks.

Is there a picture, you ask?

Why, yes. Yes, there is.

Oh, my--

You're feeding a baby chick with an eyedropper.

And if we were on a date right now, you would be mine.

So do you think you can charm asha

Into going out with you?

Watch and learn.

What a hot day today.

Why, madhuri, I didn't realize

What a sparkling conversationalist you were.

Tell me more about this heat you speak of?

Well, I was just saying--

Sarcasm! Leave me.

I just came to say that gurpreet

Is making a personal call.

Hey, asha.

Hey, so, uh, a couple of people from work

Are going out to dinner tomorrow night.

Do you want to join us?

Where are you going?

I don't know, is there

Someplace you've always wanted to try?

Well, lal mirch is supposed to be amazing.

I'll get a reservation.

I'll be there.

Bye.

Step one, get her to dinner.

Check.

Man, that was so smooth.

I'm like someone who wants to paint

Watching someone who knows how to paint...Paint.

What can I say? I'm the man with the plan.

- - asha just told me.

I'm so excited we're all going out tomorrow night.

Oh, I can't believe we're socializing outside of work.

Don't tell madhuri. Let's keep it a-list.

Sometimes plans backfire.

What do you think?

Great place.

So is this a gay club?

No! In india, men often dance with each other.

It doesn't mean that they're gay.

As you say, it's no big deal.

Todd, do you want to dance?

Uh, no, thanks. I'm just going to stay here

And make sure we get a table.

- Do you want to-- - nope.

- Are you sure? - No.

- But it's a lot of fun. - No.

I got it.

Yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery.

But today is a gift,

And that is why we call it the present.

Cheers, cheers.

That's really beautiful.

Thank you.

It's the turtle from kung fu panda.

You should rent it.

As my dad always said,

"if you can't feel your hands and you can't feel your feet,

Put down your glass, it's time to eat."

- Yes! - I'll drink to that.

- - all right! Okay.