Gossip Girl

Greetings, followers.

Gossip Girl here.

Your one and only, period.

There are obvious upsides to being the children

of the world's most influential people.

Maybe just a light coat instead. It gets chilly in hospitals.

I think I know my girlfriend, Mom.

Well, of course you do. It's just a suggestion.

-You okay? -I'm good.

But the biggest? The luxury of choice.

While the majority of the world

in what they can and cannot do...

You know I don't mind helping with whatever you need, Maxie.

I know, I know. I want it to come from me.

...the elite get to choose whatever they want

whenever they want it.

Choice in where they live, what they eat,

who they speak to.

Even choice in who they deign

But there's one thing

No one gets to choose their parents.

What the hell?

Lara, who are these people?

She heard you asked Valencia to stop coming.

I pay Valencia. She just gets to spend that time with her kids.

Did you ever think she might prefer time away from her kids?

If I were you, I'd get dressed.

Your mother's gonna be here in an hour.

What? You said she was coming Friday.

And as pour moi? Hey--

Consider me the au pair

you never knew you needed.

You can come cry on my shoulder in secret any time.

And you'll want to.

Because no matter where you come from

or who you are, family is anything but easy,

and no one survives it alone.

Uh, when were you gonna tell me about the PSATs?

When I retook them.

You know I always do better when I know what to expect.

Let's hope so, because these are--

Abhorrent? A word I got wrong,

but now just used in a sentence, so maybe there's hope for me.

Not if you don't pronounce the "H."

I never went to college, and I regret it to this day.

Yeah, it really held you back.

That depends on if money is your measure of success.

I didn't tell you because I was embarrassed

and I'm going to retake them.

Then maybe actually prepare next time.

-Education gives you options. -Options I have.

You mean Instagram?

What sort of retirement plan do they offer?

A 401k in Etsy flower crowns?

I know her, actually.

She's a self-made "in-fleur-encer."

And she made the Forbes 40 under 30 list.

She'll be a billionaire in ten years.

If there are still flowers, that is.

You can joke all you want, but this path that you're on,

it could vanish in a flash.

People move on from things so quickly now.

Pandemics happen. Priorities shift.

Schooling gives you something to fall back on

when whatever this is fails.

-This is a business. -It hasn't been so far.

It could be. I just haven't sought out endorsements

because I haven't had to worry about money, thanks to you.

But it's always been in my plan to grow my brand.

And your brand is...?

Well, since you're suddenly so curious,

why don't you let me show you before you tell me

If it means you retaking the PSATs, you're on.

Sorry, Dad. Didn't mean to break

the "no phones at the table" rule.

It's a real estate lawyer from my firm.

We need some advice on our case against the board.

Is their name also Kate Keller?

I can read your grandma-sized font from here.

If you wanna be covert, text with your glasses on.

-(CHUCKLES) -Here, I'll give you some tips.

I'm good at drafting texts, I just...

don't send them.

To your sister or Noble O?

You promised you'd stop reading Gossip Girl.

I know things have been a little weird

between Obie and me lately,

but when stuff happens in his life,

shouldn't I, as his girlfriend,

-be his first call? -Not necessarily.

You can't expect to be everything to him.

That's not a healthy relationship.

I don't wanna be everything. I just... I wanna be something.

And right now, that's not how it feels.

You wanna know what else is unhealthy?

Keeping your feelings to yourself.

Why don't you ask, uh, the lawyer for what you want?

And I'll do the same.

I don't remember which one you hate

You gave me that one, and I hate both.

You should've just grabbed a coat.

Max is bringing breakfast,

and then we're gonna take you to school.

-No. I'm not going to school. -You haven't been all week.

As long as she's here, I'm here.

Her blood pressure is low, she's dehydrated--

And she's in the care of very fine doctors

who have it all under control.

-She's gonna be okay. -Please.

The longer she's here, the more at risk she is.

That resident with the daily blowouts

didn't even realize that her Tegaderm

but I did.

If it wasn't for me micromanaging

her nepotistic lack of skills, then she would--

But Dr. Death only makes rounds at night, right?

Right. So Kiki will be fine

while you tackle your AP Lit this afternoon.

-But I'm not going-- -Stop helicopter daughtering,

and eat.

Then put on one of those hideous sweaters.

That shirt is a biohazard at this point.

-(SCOFFS) -(MAX WOLFE CHUCKLES)

She's so on edge.

I don't know what else we can do.

I know.

Just keep trying to help till she lets us?

You still doing that?

Hmm?

No, no, no. I, uh, maxed that game out

and I'm not interested in a replay.

You were right about him, anyway.

Even in off-the-rack, tens across the board.

Hey, that was from a nice store.

Can we please just get this over with?

I spent all night working on a new system.

Oh, there are props.

Hard copies, color-coded and watermarked.

The first thing you'll see is a schedule.

I've got posts weekdays and nights.

And, uh, you have "Spotteds" and weekends.

-What if I have plans? -She knows you don't have plans.

You're in charge of combing through our DMs

and anything we're tagged in.

I've also been thinking of ways to expand our playbook,

you know, like with new recurring features.

The original GG had a sort of teen Gawker Stalker map

called Spotted, but I don't like those optics.

So, I'm thinking, uh, themed posts,

like "W-T-Effed" for fashion fails of the week.

"Blindspotted" when we wanna focus on someone new.

Uh, what else? Let's see.

"Flashbackstory," where we go deep

on a relation of one of our targets.

-Holding not just these kids... -(CELL PHONE DINGS)

...accountable for their actions, but also their...

Does she know she stopped talking?

I do.

Nick Lott is inviting me to stay for dinner

after my mentor session tonight.

Say yes. I mean, not only is he cute and single,

but you can dig for all the dirt on Zoya and Julien's dead mom

for your "Flashback" post.

"That sounds nice."

You said yes just to get dirt, right? Not any other reason?

Of course.

I don't like him in that way.

Okay. On page two, you'll see my ideas

for a new color story, filters, and fonts...

-(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING) Love that,

but try arching your back a little more.

Yes. This harsh light is perf for a pensive portrait,

but try to squint like you're on a yacht

and you just took off your shades,

not like gale-force winds just blew mystery moist

into your eyes on Canal.

I'm sorry, Lu. (SIGHS)

I just keep stressing out about what my dad said.

And you're about to be Chanel-show-crashed

-like Gigi Hadid. -I just...

I shouldn't have left.

I don't-- I don't trust these hospital goons

to call me if something goes downhill. I--

-I'm so stressed out about this. -You are the first person

they'll call in an emergency, I promise.

You needed a break.