The Eric Andre Show

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, "THE ERIC ANDRE SHOW"!

AAAAAAAAAAAAH!

AAAAAAAH!

IT BURNS!! AHA!

AAH! AAAH! AAH!

OH, GEEZ.

I AM THOMAS JEFFERSON, AND I'M ABOUT TO GET A NEGRO LAP DANCE!

HEAR YE, HEAR YE!

I AM THOMAS JEFFERSON, AND I

WANT A BIG BLACK RUMP IN MY FACE

RIGHT AWAY!

YES. OH, YES.

ONCE I AM DEAD, YOU ARE FREE TO

GO.

MM, YES, YES, YES.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TATYANA ALI! YEAH.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

HEY, TATYANA. BOO! HI.

UP TOP.

WHAT'S UP?

WHAT'S UP?

HEY.

UH...

I LOVE YOUR SET.

OH, THANKS. I MADE IT.

I PRETTY MUCH MADE IT FROM

THE GROUND UP, SO IT'S NO BIG

DEAL.

I'M, LIKE, REALLY GOOD WITH MY

HANDS, YOU KNOW.

I LOVE YOUR GLOBE.

YEAH, YEAH.

I MADE THAT, TOO.

I'M LIKE A -- A GLOBE MAKER.

YOU JUST DON'T SEE THEM

VERY -- YOU KNOW?

YEAH.

WELL, SO, ARE YOU --

WHAT ARE YOU, LIKE, DOING LATER?

DO YOU -- DO YOU GOT ANY PLANS

OR ANYTHING?

LIKE...

UH...

JUST, I'M GETTING, LIKE, SOME

PIZZA LATER JUST BY MYSELF, YOU

KNOW.

JUST, UH, MAYBE YOU WERE -- WANT

A PIZZA OR SOMETHING.

I GOT A COMEDY SHOW LATER IF

YOU WANT TO COME TO IT.

I DO COMEDY.

SO IF YOU WANT TO COME TO A

COMEDY SHOW...

WELL, I MEAN...

WELL, WE'RE KIND OF MAKING PLANS

NOW, SO...

I MEAN, IT'S JUST --

I'M JUST THROWING OUT OTHER

OPTIONS.

OKAY. I APPRECIATE THAT.

I MEAN, SHE DIDN'T REALLY SAY

ANYTHING ABOUT --

WELL, YOU CAN SENSE BODY

LANGUAGE, HANNIBAL, AND YOU CAN

SENSE CHEMISTRY, YOU KNOW.

I FEEL LIKE IT'S JUST YOU'RE

AT A DESK, AND I GOT TO STAND

UP, AND SO, YOU KNOW, SHE CAN'T

LOOK AT ME AS MUCH.

WELL, WE TALKED ABOUT AN

ISSUE, AND I JUST REALLY THINK

SHE'S MORE INTERESTED IN PIZZA.

I GOT REAL STRONG CALVES.

SO, LIKE, 7:00 I CAN PICK YOU

UP?

UH...

OH, IT'S TIME FOR

DOC CHICKEN, YO!

Both: DOC CHICKEN! DOC CHICKEN! DOC CHICKEN!

DOC CHICKEN!

DOC CHICKEN, DOC CHICKEN,

DOC CHICKEN, DOC CHICKEN.

THE FORMER GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA, HOLLYWOOD SUPERSTAR LEGEND, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOR

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER!

[ "BATTLE CRY OF FREEDOM" PLAYS ] EXCUSE ME!

YOU GUYS FORGOT YOUR HOODS!

YOU FORGOT YOUR HOODS.

HERE YOU GO.

KEEP IT. THIS IS YOURS.

SIR.

YOU GUYS FORGOT YOUR FLAGS.

ALL RIGHT.

HERE YOU GO.

WE GOT YOUR FLAGS.

YOU FORGOT YOUR SIGNS. GET OUT! YOU FORGOT YOUR SIGNS.

GET OUT OF HERE!

YOU GUYS FORGOT YOUR HOODS.

WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY?

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

YOU FORGOT YOUR SIGNS.

WHO INVITED YOU HERE?

HERE, HERE, TAKE YOUR FLAG.

OH, COME ON.

THE BIBLE SAYS LOVE.

NO?

WE WENT TO ALL THIS TROUBLE.

NOPE. COME WITH US.

COME WITH US.

RON.

RON, RON, RON.

DO YOU WANT YOUR HOOD?

[ "BATTLE CRY OF FREEDOM"

CONTINUES ]

AND WE ARE BACK WITH

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER.

WE HAVE A CLIP FROM YOUR NEW

MOVIE WITH HANNIBAL.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

I THINK WE GOT A CLIP.

CAN WE SEE THAT REAL QUICK?

WELL, THAT MOVIE LOOKS FUN

FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY.

UH, REAL QUICK, WANTED TO ASK YOU BEFORE WE TAKE OFF --

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "THE ERIC ANDRE SHOW"? UH, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

YEAH.

WHAT DO YOU THINK IT COULD DO TO

IMPROVE ITS RATINGS?

PROBABLY HAVE SOME BETTER

GUESTS.

YEAH.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF

ERIC ANDRE?

I'M GLAD HE'S DEAD.

COOL.

ALL RIGHT. THANKS, MAN.

NO PROBLEM.

OUR NEXT GUEST, CREATOR OF

THE ShamWow.

IT IS...

OKAY.

WE COULD NOT GET OUR NEXT GUEST.

ALL RIGHT, WE GOT TO KILL SOME

TIME.

UH...