The Office

Everybody, everybody, listen up. I need your ideas now.

Ideas, please, right now. Go, go!

- Come on! - What you're talking about?

Wet cement outside, it's drying fast.

Come on, this is a lifelong dream. What do I write?

Michael, you could put your initials in it.

M.G.S., no.

Some idiot named Mark Greg Sputnik

will claim credit for it. I don't... Once in a lifetime opportunity, people.

- Come on! - Well...

Here we go! Phyllis, yes?

- When I was a little girl... - Okay.

Okay, do it! Come on, great, let's hear it!

- We found some wet cement... - It's drying, it's drying.

All right, Phyllis, come on!

- Come on, Phyl! - What did we write?

Aah! Come on!

- Draw a picture. - No!

- 'Cause that says so more than words. - No, no!

Come on, give me something good!

I was watching E!, and I saw Will Smith outside the chinese theater,

- and, oh, my god, he looked so good. - Pam, translate.

She's talking about the handprints that celebrities make in cement.

- I love it! - A real star would put his face in it.

- I love it more! - Michael, that doesn't seem safe...

I love it!

Come on, let's go!

We are here today not to immortalize a man,

but an idea.

Maybe the idea of a man.

Hurry, please.

Greatness is only skin-deep some people say.

Well, that's not true.

Other people believe it's deeper inside

and in this case, that's also not true.

Go!

Force it in as deep as you can.

That's what she said.

Today's a very special day for me.

And it's really not about me.

It's about my grandkids. It's about my great-grandkids.

I can come back here when I'm 100,

and I can find that piece of cement and say,

"That's me. Look, kids. Your daddy left that facehole."

I don't know.

It's a good feeling.

Transcript: SwSub Sync: DarKsh

Episode 4x12 "DID I STUTTER" (1.00)

Okay...

Adjective.

Tall.

No, no, uh, nice.

Good one. Okay...

You ready?

"The tall man entered the nice building,

"to visit a very nice man.

"Sit down, Mr. Smith.

"Can I interest you in any good cat food?"

It's a man eating cat food!

What about a cat eating man food?

Andy and Angela seem very happy.

I hope nothing horrible ever happens to them.

Yeah, I slept over at a... friend's house, and...

I forgot my contact solution, so...

I had to wear my back-up glasses.

Shut up.

All right, everybody.

Oh, my god. Pam...

Those make you look so ugly.

Pam, in order to get hotter,

you take the glasses off. You're moving in the wrong direction.

- I don't have my contact... - Blah blah!

I can't even hear you.

It's just noise coming out of an ugly scientist.

We're gonna have

a little brainstorming session in the conference room.

Energize.

You know what would energize me?

If you, Pamela Morgan Beesly...

Don't, don't.

If you propose to me during the Michael meeting, I will say no.

Well, it's too late, 'cause I'm proposing...

that you get me a cup of coffee, which would energize me greatly

and make me the happiest man in the world.

Everybody, so how are we going to energize our office?

I mean, I haven't done anything since Christmas.

Pam clearly has just given up trying.

So what we need to do is we need to get things going.

We need to get percolating a little bit. Anybody have any ideas what we could do?

Any suggestions? Yes, Andy?

What if we changed our outgoing answering machine message

so it just had a little more zing and a little more pep?

Zing and pep. Those are the kind of words we're looking for. Yes, Jim.

What about if we did an even newer voicemail message

that had even more zing and pep?

Now we're cooking, I like this. Maybe a whole theme.

- Like a rap... a rap rhyme. - An urban thing.

An urban... Yeah, Stanley, you wanna help us out with that?

- Stanley! Earth to Stanley. - Not me.

Yes, you. Come on, Stanley, put your little game down

- and join the group. - No.

- Stanley, we're having... - Leave me alone, damn it.

We're having a brainstorm session...

Did I stutter?

Good. This is good. I'm going to grab a glass of water.

Can I talk to you a second?

What?

I really think that you need to address what happened with Stanley this morning.

What are you blabbering about? Nothing happened.

Well, you know, Stanley was openly insubordinate.

- That, in the conference room? - Yeah.

We were joshing around, the two of us.

And he said, "Did I stutter?"

And I said, "wh-wh-wh-what, dog?"

It was joking, Toby, all right?

He didn't seem like he was joking.

Well, you don't get it, because Stanley is a beautiful,

sassy, powerful black man,

and you're you.

If you had any friends, you would understand.

Friends joke with one another.

"Hey, um, you're poor."

"Well, hey, your mama's dead."

That's what friends do.

It's...

You're so white.

All right. Well...

If you really believe that Stanley was joking...

- Why don't we go ask him that? - Okay, I will.

I'm not feeling very well right now, though.

My stomach hurts, so I may be going home early today.

You know, Michael,

sometimes my daughter's stomach hurts when there's a mean girl at school.

Well, sometimes my stomach hurts when you come into my office.

So it's probably psychological.

You meet a lot of ladies driving an Xterra,

because you pull up to a stop light

and look over and there's an Xterra next to you,

they're always driven by chicks.

So there's your ice breaker.

Scratch!

That's a racing stripe.

- Bumper's sagging. - Hmm, I doubt that very much.

This car is crap. I will buy it for next to nothing.

- How next to? - Well, here are your options.

You can sell it for parts. Drive it off a cliff.

You can donate it to a person

that you'd like to see die in a car crash, or...

you can sell it to me and I'll use it as I would a wagon on my farm.

It will be towed by a donkey.

- I have to pick one of those? - Yes.

- Can you go over those options again? - You know what?

You knock $1,500 off the price right now and I will take it off your hands.

It's gonna be now.

- I have the blue book value... - Seal the deal.

Let's do this thing.

Three, two, one.

- Can I think about it? - Five, four, three, two, now.

- Let me think about it. - Say it. Do it now.

Do it now! Do it. Shake my hand.

You will sell me this car. Shake my hand.

Yeah, all right!

What?

I see that you gave me that form

that I asked you to give me, Stanley the manly.

So thank you for that. I guess we are back to normal.

What are you talking about?

Well, you know, the thing that you said earlier that...

you didn't mean.

And that I forgive you for. The whole thing's silly, isn't it?

Friends don't need to apologize

to friends as far as I'm concerned. So we are cool.

I am not going to apologize to you.

It's like I used to tell my wife.

"I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong

"and if you don't like it, you can leave."

And I say the same thing to my current wife,

and I'll say it to my next one too.

Jim is in charge of Stanley only in sales-related matters.

Hence the green line. Green for money.

Sales, get it? There's this yellow zigzag

that does give Ryan the authority to discipline Stanley.

- Great. - However, in so doing,

it zigs past your name, hence zagging you

and making you appear weak. Thus the yellow color. Yellow for cowardly.

What's the pink?

Menstrual cycles.

Okay.

Is there anybody up here, anybody at all that can deal with this

- other than me... - You.

Well, there is the emergency disaster mode

for the org chart.

This gives me

full authority over every single person in the office.

- I never said you could do that. - All you have to do is say it.

- Okay, I'll think about it. - Say it. Just do it.

Don't think, say it. Do it.

Five, four, three, two...

Do it. Give me control.

Michael...