Sweet Magnolias

Shall we begin?

My client recognizes the deep attachment that your client has to his Mercedes

and will not contest it.

Mighty gracious.

- She will retain the Buick Enclave. - We don't have a problem with that.

Excellent.

Now moving on to the disposition of the family home...

My client requests the family home be sold

and the proceeds divided equitably between parties.

While you're busy hangin' price tags, Bill Townsend,

keep in mind that you aren't worth the skin God spent to wrap your bones in.

You best pray he doesn't regret his investment in you

as much as I regret mine.

Helen?

Maddie?

- Helen, I'm sorry. - Oh, don't you dare apologize.

That was the most magnificent thing I've seen you do

since you ate that lizard in kindergarten.

I only bit its tail.

Maddie, this is hard.

- But you will persevere. - Yeah.

What, so Bill gets to buy mistress Noreen a new house?

The kids and I just have to move and start over?

No, you won't have to do that.

Helen, I swear sometimes I think it would be a blessing

to live in a place that... nobody knew what happened.

But the kids would have to find a new school...

new friends and I'd be without you and Dana Sue and I just...

How in the devil did I get to this place?

Maddie, I got you.

But Tom came on strong because that's his job.

I am gonna beat him down because that's my job.

I'm gonna get you everything you deserve and then some.

I'm still researching the legal precedent

for getting Bill's head on a silver platter.

It wasn't his head that caused the problem.

That's my girl.

Thank you.

Oh, Lord.

- So I got cast as Puck. - Oh, congrats.

Maybe I should ask for autographs.

Well, he needs help spelling his name.

- Oops, you forgot you aren't funny. - Ah!

Seriously. First a baseball star and now a theater star.

Am I even worthy to walk to school with the two of you?

I'm just playing Puck. It's not even the lead.

But it's the best part, and you're only a freshman.

Yeah, A Midsummer Night's Nerd!

Can't all be jerks. I mean jocks.

Oh, you think you're funny? Yeah?

- Hey! Hey! - There ya go!

I can get you and your mom house seats.

I don't know if my mom can come.

- The restaurant. - The restaurant.

Don't worry. You can sit with us.

So what does Puck even do?

He solves everything.

- Oh. - Okay.

Just like you, right?

- Exactly. - All right, I'll catch y'all.

So, Annie, you had Mrs. Kelsey last year, right?

- Yeah. - Any tips on conquering The Odyssey?

Actually read it. She'll know if you're faking.

- Okay. - I'll see you later.

Ah! You're early! Okay, you know what?

That is fine because I am ready to go.

All right, new cocktail.

I started with rye to wish you a smooth finish,

added some bitters 'cause you have every right to be.

Then champagne because this is truly a celebration

and finished with crème de pêche.

Because your future is gonna be peachy.

Calling it Maddie's Moment.

There is nothing to celebrate.

Wait, what're you two up to?

Darlin', we are all about being here with you, for you.

No, no, no. No. There's something else. I can smell it.

And you two should know better than anyone that I have lost my tolerance

- for people keeping secrets from me. - Okay, you know what?

Let's forget celebrating, all right?

Let's think of these more as a statement of intent. Okay?

Helen?

Press on. Okay?

Maddie, nobody's gonna make you drink, but at least sit down.

- Come on. Take a moment or two... - No, no, no. I cannot.

I cannot because if I relax, I'm gonna lose it.

I swear to God, some days I just...

I wake up, and I have nothing but hate

for Bill and Noreen pumping through my veins.

I have to get a new job.

I have to get a new house.

I have to get a new everything, and I...

I feel like I can't even catch my breath.

- Precisely why you need new inspiration. - Dana Sue,

- now's not the time. It's not the time. - Why isn't...

- Tell me. Tell me right this minute. - Tell her.

Maddie...

you know how Ms. Frances for a while now has been talking about downsizing?

- Yeah. - Well, I thought it was a lovely idea,

but it also broke my heart a little

to think of that house just sitting there all empty.

So, I, uh...

I bought that big, beautiful house of hers.

You...

Did you... Did you ask her family?

I do not give a flying fish

what Ryan Wingate thinks about anything.

- Let me tell you why... - All right. All right.

Get ready for the best part.

We three are gonna turn that big, old house

into a fluffy, glorious, indulgent spa.

Helen'll handle legal,

I'll set up the cafe, and you'll be the manager.

How on God's green earth

did you two think for one second

that I would be able to start something new,

something this huge, in the midst of all of this chaos?

Maddie, it's a job.

Thank you so much for understanding, friends.

This morning was a little tougher than she was prepared for.

She just needs a chance to regain her bearings, that's all.

Well, I can empathize.

I thought I would lose my mind after I threw Ronnie out.

But I at least let you two help me.

Is that how you remember it?

Clear as day.

Well, you go on and cling to that then, Dana Sue.

And let me try to figure out a way to talk Maddie down.

Okay. All right, you think you can?

I am gonna sweep Maddie up so fast,

you better have a bottle of your finest whiskey standing by

to mark the occasion, no offense to this lovely cocktail.

Is that Macallan 18 confidence I'm hearing?

That, my dear, is Macallan 25.

Ooh, bless your heart.

All right, go forth then and work your magic.

Son of a bitch.

Randy, we'll put you and your mom in the circus room

and Dr. Bill will be right in.

- What was that about? - Come on, Bill.

You gotta know there are a lot of people unhappy with your... situation.

Well, my personal situation is none of their business.

Well, it's half my business.

People are canceling their appointments to steer clear of you and Noreen.

- And that's hurting our practice. - We're getting married.

Come on. Maddie and I were on the rocks, Howie.

I'm doing right by Noreen.

That oughta mean something.

It means something, Bill. Just not sure what.

Aren't you ready to pack it in yet, man? I mean, you're older than I am.

I love what I do, Collins. I'm sorry you don't.

We will never get another offer this good!

Collins, if you want to sell your store, then sell it,

but Grace and I aren't ready to sell.

Pickle Jar wants the whole block.

You don't sell, and you ruin it for all of us.

Neville, Collins.

You two enjoying your meals this afternoon?

Oh, my meal was delightful as always, Dana Sue.

Well, good.

Wish I could say the same for my pig-headed companion.

Since I have upset you so, Collins,

the least I can do is pay.

Damn straight.

Damn straight.

You two all right?

It's hard when business comes between friends.

Mrs. Townsend.

Coach Maddox.

Do you have a moment?

Is there a problem?

Ah, um...

I believe in Ty.

He's got an amazing arm and a great heart.

Oh, dear. That big a problem?

Um...

Ty and Jackson Lewis were at each other during practice.

I made 'em both run laps, and Ty will be along... momentarily.

Merciful heaven, why is it always Jackson?

Those two have been grappling since the sandbox.

I thought I got a whiff of a longstanding rivalry.

Yeah, well, still, that is no excuse

for Ty having a part in disrupting your practice.

I'm sorry.

I... I keep telling him that it's an honor to be coached by a professional player.

Former professional player.

Well, still.

Well, thank you.

Uh, but I do wanna say that Ty has been a little... hair-trigger lately...

um...

and I don't mean to overstep, but are there any issues

I should know about?

Well, um...