Chinese Puzzle (Casse-Tête Chinois)

Life, for most people,

is going from point A to point B.

But not for me.

I've got a point B problem.

Mia, I have your dress.

Give that to her.

Hurry up!

Yet I'd Iove to have a throughline to my life -

a point B.

Tom!

For most people, those small, daily trips

add up and, little by little, lead to one goal -

a unique, ultimate goal.

Like the light at the end of the tunnel.

It's all wonderfully linear.

Over there!

But not for me.

I always keep changing direction.

Why is my life like this?

Why is it such a fucking mess?

CHINESE PUZZLE

Ni Hao!

My life may not go from point A to point B,

but a novel has to go from point A to point B.

Hold on, let me tell this in order.

I'm writing a novel...

I'm trying.

This guy's my editor. He's helping me focus.

- You in Paris? - No, New York.

He's helping me get to point B.

- That's New York? - Yeah.

- Really? - I've been here 2 months.

D'you get my title proposal?

Yeah. Why "Chinese Puzzle"?

Well, I'm taking stock.

I used to think my life wasn't simple.

But here in New York, I see that my old life

was really simple.

So, there! "Chinese Puzzle."

Look at me!

So that is...

Well, that was my life a year ago.

Okay, everybody look at me. That's great! Smile!

Tomato!

Get closer.

Smile! No, a real smile.

Tomato!

You're seeing our last idyllic moments.

I can't stand writing stuff I hate anymore.

Well, you can handle it. I can't anymore!

Did I say that? Did I say that?!

Stop screaming!

I never said that.

It's weird to think that

for 10 years we had been so happy.

It's really horrible.

To think that that - that there -

that can disappear.

You gotta watch out with happiness.

Happiness is disaster for fiction.

Drama's what sucks us in. Life is drama.

But you wanna be happy in life, don't you?

Sure, in life.

But I'm talking about stories.

What?

You see? That's a bore.

Problem over! Wendy and I broke up 6 months ago.

I don't believe it!

It's true.

Oh, no, Xavier!

Don't make the same mistake Dad and I did.

This is horrible!

But why?

You made such a great couple.

Everyone reacted like my mother.

I know it's horrible. I know it's dumb.

But no. And yet, I tried everything.

What about the kids?

Nothing could be done.

I don't know yet.

You'll still see them, I hope.

- Yeah. - Don't be like your father.

Isn't there... I don't know,

some effort that will lead you back onto the path of love?

It's not a question of effort.

That's how it is.

That's life.

You Iove each other...

then you don't love each other anymore.

You change!

Was it Wendy's idea?

Yes, but I didn't do much to hold her back.

She went on about how I never wanted to marry her.

Then, this was my fault...

I screwed up. I really screwed up big time.

How so?

- Remember Isabelle? - The lesbian?

The Belgian girl I met in Barcelona.

How can I sum this up?

Isabelle's like a buddy to me. Isabelle's my buddy.

She's crazy about my kids and wanted some herself.

She and a girlfriend almost did it but then they split.

Then she fell in love with an American - a Chinese-American.

The love of her life. Since they hooked up,

all they wanted was to have a baby and move to NYC.

But my buddy was up shit creek.

She cried about it every day.

And when your best buddy's dying to be a mommy...

It's hard to handle.

Tell me honestly,

would...

Would it piss you off if I help Isabelle have a baby?

I wish I had a picture of Wendy at that moment.

Just so you could see the look she gave me.

Put yourself in her shoes. It is kind of hard to swallow.

Even if we don't fuck and I don't cheat on her technically,

she can't accept it.

Did you tell her we're moving to New York,

that I got a job on Wall Street?

You'll never even hear about the kid.

I know.

I'll be with my chick.

You won't be a father in the traditional sense of the term!

I remember her words exactly,

"You won't be a father in the traditional sense of the term."

The rest happened in a clinic. The least sexy place on earth.

I hadn't bought a porn magazine since I was 19.

Getting back into that seemed absurd.

And then...

I don't think it ever took me so long to ejaculate in my life.

Are you crazy? What are you doing?

Get back here! It's dangerous to leave the dorm.

Shit!

- All done? - Yeah.

See you in 20 minutes.

D'you shoot your wad?

Now it's your turn.

Xavier,

I don't know if this will work but...

What you just did, I'll never forget.

Never.

I was happy to help you.

I don't think I could have said no.

You're like my chick.

That's great! Hold onto that.

The baby?

No, "You're like my chick."

I don't know. I'm kind of ashamed.

Who gives a shit about shame? Pounce!

Shame's great! Shame's insane!

It's a thousand times better than happiness!

So then what?

Wendy went to New York for a few weeks to work on a script.

And then, when she got back...

What?

Then we schlepped back and forth between apartments.

- Let me open it! - I'm opening the door!

- No, let me! - Let go!

Come on, kids! Don't start fighting!

Not every time we go to Mom's.

The worst wasn't Wendy's evasive look.

It was my son's insistent look.

Bye, Daddy.

He could see that Wendy and I were unhappy.

And...

I could see that made him unhappy.

Bye, Mommy.

Be right there, Mia.

How do we deal with summer vacation?

Want me to take July or August?

What?

Are you crazy?

Are you out of your mind?

New York?

You can't take off with my kids!

Are you shitting me?

If you're honest,

you just have to face the fact that you've ruined your life.

That's it!

I'm turning 40 and

in fact...

I've ruined my life.

Your only salvation at times like this

- when you've lost hope and never believed in God -

are... German philosophers.

For example, Schopenhauer said...

Life is like embroidery.

You spend the first half of life on the front side,

the pretty side of the embroidery.

But you spend the second half on the other side.

It's not as pretty but...

you can see how the threads are woven together.

You can see how it's made.

Fuck, that's true.

Thanks, Schopenhauer.

That helps.

- How many of you are traveling? - Three.

Bon voyage!

I'll see you soon.

Bye-bye.