Vitrival – The Most Beautiful Village in the World (Vitrival)

- Hello. - Hello.

Another pleasant day begins with us on air.

So if you haven't left home yet,

you'll quickly realize that once you eventually do,

you'd've been better off staying in.

On that note, here's a song to warm your heart,

failing to warm your body.

Music!

You open the shutters of your house

To a new morning...

Hello Stibel.

FEBRUARY

- Oh, Catherine! - Oh, Cathy!

- Hey. - How are you?

- I'm good. - It's been a while.

- Did you come for Christian too? - Yes.

Oh la la, what a thing...

- I can't believe it. - It's just so sad.

- And the kids... - I wonder what got into him, I...

No explanations... It's an ugly business.

Hey, Yannik. It's Pierre Bastin.

I'm with Benjamin at the church.

They've started up again. There's a huge one on the door.

Any chance you're available right now?

How long will it take you to get here?

Ah, great.

It's Christian's funeral tomorrow. It'd be good if it's gone.

Thanks, see you shortly.

- I got hold of Yannik. He's coming. - Okay, great.

- Got the deets? - Yeah, I took notes.

- You see anything? - Nope. The church doesn't have camera.

What about the neighbors?

Hey, Pierre, Benja. What brings you here?

Come take a look.

Oh no, what a thing! Ain't right... Have you seen what's going on?

- They already tagged the hall. - Yeah, we saw.

- It's the same guy. It's the same tag. - Yeah, I think so.

- What a thing... - Haven't been able to catch them yet.

Oh, hello, Willy.

- Oh, Benoît! Hello! You seen this? - Yep.

- I'm absolutely furious! - Yeah, I bet.

- I can't believe it... - I've called Yannik, he'll swing by.

Yannik will get this cleaned up.

Still, in the meantime, we'll have to cover this up.

- We can't leave it up for the funeral. - Course not.

When the sacristan gets here, who's more Catholic than the Pope...

If he sees this, he'll faint.

We'll be on patrol. Maybe they're still skulking about.

All right, thanks. Thank you, Benja, Pierre.

- See you soon. - See you.

What the fuck?

- On the door... - What a mess.

Are they gonna get bigger and bigger? On the church door now?

Will the police station be next?

The next one'll be on the police station!

Willy and Benoît won't ever recover from this.

- They'll be dreaming about it for weeks. - Sex nightmares.

You smell that? This is good stuff.

Nope, I've got a blocked nose.

- Nothing? - Nothing.

You've always got a blocked nose.

I dunno, is it vanilla or something?

"Havana Cigar".

"Havana Cigar". Where'd you buy that?

In Cuba?

- At the store, what you think? - Right...

I'm following doctor's orders. "Rest!"

I'd love to rest, but he's always calling me for help...

That's called "delegation".

- Can't do a thing on his own... - Careful, here comes the patrol!

- What's new? - Gents.

Good day, Constables.

Anne-Marie, friend of your mom's.

- Anne-Marie? - She lives down the street.

Not a clue.

- She's got leukemia. - What?

Leukemia.

Her sister figured it out. She was going down the stairs ass first.

She couldn't stand straight, so she went to see the doctor...

- Her husband, birthmark on his neck... - Yeah?

- Well, it's skin cancer. - Damn...

- Everyone's got cancer. - Yep.

Still, Christian killing himself...

Makes you think that people only commit suicide

and nobody dies of disease nowadays.

I'm not following. Is she dead or not?

- No, I'm just painting a picture for you. - Right...

Speaking of, know anything about the sexual graffiti popping up?

Around Vitrival.

I've seen a few. Figured it was the Turkish kid.

But he's not in Vitrival, so that clears things up.

- Where is he? - Field trip.

- 6th Grade field trip. - Okay.

He isn't in Vitrival.

They got off a good start. Stuck three hours at the gas station.

Then at the venue, the kids had been so difficult,

their teacher, Mrs. Marie, playing badminton with the kids,

broke down in tears.

- Wow. - So all good then.

You could say that...

- All right, we'll be off. - Great, thanks.

- See you around, fishermen. - Cheers boys, have a good patrol...

Kiss me, before it kills me

We'll never dance together again

Here's a shout-out from Baptiste

at the fries shop of La Renommée in Vitrival.

He says hello to all his customers...

- Hey, guys. Hello. - Hey.

Also, to his friends, and his parents, Véronique and Luc.

What you got there?

- Sandwich. - Dude...

- It's good. - You don't mix ham and jelly.

- Gross... - What about your rancid old pasta?

It's a new one.

- Made it yesterday? - Course not.

Now, a request from Catherine.

Catherine from Vitrival has lost her flowery scarf

and is asking our listeners to pray to Saint Anthony

to help her find the said scarf.

She sends her thanks.

And today, it's Louise from Vitrival's birthday.

Our favorite drummer!

By the time I leave work, the night's as black as a monkey's ass!

- Okay... - You guys seen anything?

What are you talking about?

The graffiti. All the sexual graffiti in Vitrival.

- Seen anything? - Nope.

- They're popping up like rabbits. - No cameras?

They won't do graffiti right in front of a camera...

They won't just stand where we can see them.

What if you put cameras in strategic locations?

That's a privacy infringement.

Also, tell me where these "strategic locations" are.

Where should we put them?

Guessing where they'll strike is tricky.

- Right... - And the Turkish kid?

We already looked into it. He's on a field trip.

- Someone else is doing these tags... - So it can't be him.

What about digital footprints?

Come off it, Bernadette... This is Vitrival, not CSI New York.

- Prints and stuff... - We don't have the budget for that.

It's just the two of us.

They need to be caught in the act.

Everyone needs to come together, keep an eye out, then we'll catch them.

Do you really think an adult would do this?

- You'd be surprised... - They must be unhinged.

...what people get up to nowadays.

- Well, that's a shame. - Kids nowadays...

Things ain't what they used to be.

- Still, it's strange. - Yep.

- Well, you won't crack the case today. - Don't think so.

Something to cheer you up? On the house? Coke?

- Coke. We're on the clock. - Yeah, Coke. Thanks...

Thanks, man. Ciao.

Nath?

Honey, you home?

- Honey! - Honey!

I finished rendering the walls in the laundry.

- How are you? - Good.

You'll see, it looks great.

Yeah, looks good.

Yeah, I watched a few videos online. I added a bit of water.

- You see the difference? - Yeah.

NO LITTERING

And all her thoughts are with Christian's family

on this sad day for them.

And here's a reminder.

The Big Vitrival Bonfire taking place on February 25th...

It will be lit by the village's last bride and groom at 8 PM...

- Well! Caught you again! - The hell is this?

How many times must we tell you? No fires 100 meters from houses!

- Pain in the ass... - Maybe, "Hi, Dad"?

- Yeah, yeah... - Hello, my dearest nephew.

Seriously, this is a pain. We've come by 10-20 times.

What more can we say?

- It's always you! - It's nothing.

We can see the smoke all the way from Benjamin's!

- We're being very lenient here. - Here we go again...

I'm not hurting anybody!

Let's call our colleagues and see about that.

Any potential smoke will blow towards the forest...

- "Any potential smoke"? - We're being too soft... Pierre.

Mom'll be happy when she finds out her holiday fund is paying your fires.

Don't treat us like idiots. You're putting us in a tricky position.

This isn't nice for us either.

When others do this, they'll say, "Oh, you didn't give your dad a fine!"

Listen, that's Christian's funeral.

That's new. One toll for a death, one for a funeral.

It's always been two tolls.

In Vitrival, the bell always tolls twice when someone dies...

This'll be hell on your wallet.

- Come now... - I'm telling you right now.

Don't start up again once we're gone. I know what you're like.

Can't you have a word with him? We have to keep coming back.

- What am I meant to do? - You can see what he's doing!

- Just tell him not to start fires. - You think that works?

Doesn't matter what we do. You think he'll listen?

Do I have to watch him all day?

- Well, you're here. - But I'm doing other stuff.

Yeah, "drumming"...