Track 29

Here among the zillion, trillion stars,

even time itself can be bent and twisted

and, unbelievable as it may seem,

two or more things can inhabit the same area at the same time

co-existing in parallel dimensions.

Take this desirable blue-green residence.

A modest little planet, but the occupants are an intelligent bunch.

They inhabit its surface, always seeking, always striving

to solve the mysteries of the cosmos.

But, at this very moment, one of those mysteries

is about to become a menacing reality.

Mummy!

He's gone all to pieces and lost his head.

Don't panic, Penfold! I'm just over here at Fourth Dimension.

- Eh? - Um... well, my head is.

Look here, you fiend! I don't know how...

Henry, would you please hurry up!

Okay. Down in a minute.

Same every morning!

Stupid old trains!

Yes, he's removed the door

and the demon to Alpha Centauri.

Hello?

Hello?

Mummy!

Oh, please. Oh please, stop.

Please. Please, stop! Please!

You stinking fat bastard!

I'll catch up, don't worry! Pig!

- Henry, for goodness' sakes! - Coming!

And this is a model engine.

Let's see what's inside, shall we?

You see, there are four tubes called cylinders,

and inside each cylinder is a kind of plunger called a piston. You see?

Have you got that, Chumley?

The engine has four cylinders,

and inside each cylinder is a plunger called a piston.

Okay, Mr Whoopee, go ahead.

Oh! Well, a little gas and air come into the cylinder.

Now, gas is very, very explosive.

So when a spark plug in the top of the cylinder makes a spark...

Interesting?

Not to you.

Try me.

Come on, Linda. You don't want to know about my hobby.

I can't care if you don't talk to me about it. Can't I?

Hmm?

You baiting me?

Now, why would I do a thing like that?

Chooga-chooga-chuff-chuff...

Hey ho.

Hey ho.

Linda, what's wrong here?

- You'll be late at the clinic. - Again.

Bye-bye, sugar. See you at six.

- Have a nice day, Henry. - Bye-bye, sugar. See you at six.

Surprise, surprise.

Come soon.

Oh, come today.

I have to say it.

I don't normally approve of the disfigurement involved in tattoos.

- What? - But I wholly approve of yours.

It's admirable!

Just what the hell are you trying to say?

The simple word, "Mom".

The way you've got the word "Mom" across the heart like that.

Listen, fella, you just don't jump up a man's truck

and start talking about his tattoo.

That's some bad judgement.

I presume you love, or loved, your mother?

What?!

I take it you had feelings

of the warmest possible affection

for your mother?

Yeah. I did.

Everybody should have a mother.

But I never knew mine.

They took me away when I was only two or three days old.

Where to? The funny farm?

Yes.

Two days old.

Think of it.

I was born in this country, you know.

I should have had my childhood here.

But they took me away.

"...I don't give a frog shit."

To the Minister! Look, I said, I've got to live in this town.

At least you don't have to tidy up his toys.

Rather have that.

You ever wish you were someplace else?

Okay, buddy. This is where you're getting out.

What?

I'm putting you down here.

Erm... but... what?

Listen, fella. You ain't done nothing but run your damn mouth for the last hour

and I ain't understood but about half of what you said.

I didn't want you to feel lonely.

Look here, fella, this is a little old biddy town.

There ain't nothing happening here at all.

So they ought to be damned glad to get you.

Now get your ass out.

You think I talk too much. Is that it?

Nooo!

But that don't matter none, good buddy.

What?

I'm just practising.

I don't want to stand out like a sore thumb, do I?

Who's that mother?

I'm that mother!

Go on, get out!

Thanks.

Well, I guess maybe they're thinking of doing it more like last year.

Always the same. They just go on and on and on...

Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh.

- Good morning, Dr Henry. - Good morning.

Oh, I didn't notice you, Bernard. Good morning!

Why don't you try a little harder, Henry?

Pretty soon you'll be able to say "good afternoon" when you arrive.

You wouldn't happen to have

such a thing as egg and chips, by any chance, would you?

- What? - I mean, erm...

Shit, what do I mean?

Ah, fried egg and French fries.

Sure. How do you want your egg?

- I beg your pardon? - Easy over, or what?

- Do I have an alternative? - Do you have what?

That will be fine. Splendid. Ta very much.

What's "easy over"?

Are you English?

Um... is it that obvious?

I mean, I've scarcely opened my mouth.

You don't mind, do you?

- No. - Do you?

No. Go ahead.

As long as you don't think I'm being impertinent or anything gross like that,

but there's something about your face that sort of reassures me.

- I'm not intrusive, am I? - No.

- Am I? - No, of course not.

How do you do, Madam?

My name is Martin.

And spot on, quite right, jolly shrewd.

I'm from England.

I've come all the way across the pond in search of my mama.

Oh, hi. I'm Linda.

Well, welcome to America.

Hey.

- This is my friend Arlanda. - Hi.

Arlanda.

Arlanda? Isn't that the name of an airport?

Hello, Arlanda. Come in, please!

Are you receiving me, Arlanda?

I don't know. Is it?

Yes.

It is.

Stockholm. In Sweden, you know.

I'm not sure I like having the same name as an airport.

It's better than a railway station. What is it? What's the matter?

No, no, nothing.

There's not something on my face, is there?

I haven't got a bogey on my nose, have I?

No.

I remind you of someone, don't I?

- No... - Don't I? Yes. Yes, I do.

Well, it was real nice meeting with you.

I hope you really have a nice vacation.

- Oh, are you going? - I'm going.

- But I will see you again, won't I? - We've got to go.

I will see you.

I will.

- Yeah, we'd better go now, sir. - I doubt it.

- Excuse me, sir. - Well, I don't. I certainly don't.

Jesus Christ...

Enjoy.

Shut up!

Piggy.

Little piggy.

No...

Daddy?

Daddykins?

Which ickle-lickle naughty ickle girl

wants to be a bad lickle girl?

No, Linda.

Daddy...

Ickle Linda can't go bye-byes.

Not now, Linda.

I've hardly had a wink of sleep.

Ooh, but I'm a naughty ickle girl.

Daddy...

- Daddykins! - Oh, for goodness sakes! What the hell!

Oh, for Christ's sake, Henry, you're so goddamn boring!

What's the matter, Linda?

Linda, I'm tired.

Chooga-chooga-chuff-chuff!

Linda, would you put the light out? You know I can't sleep with the light on.

Linda...

He's outside, you know.

He's come back. He's outside, and he's waiting.

Oh no he isn't!

Linda?

Linda?