Uranus Attacks

I need you to stop doing that.

OK.

More spanking?

A little spanking there?

Ah.

Oh!

Not a-- mm.

Oh.

Ah.

Damn it!

Earl!

Hey, mom.

Oh, hey. Morning, honey.

You want some coffee?

No, thanks.

Earl broke the-- sorry, can you just-- can you cover

up just a little bit, please?

Oh, sorry.

Yeah. You know what?

Never mind.

I got it.

What about Earl?

Doesn't matter.

Hey, don't go over to Earl's.

Honey?

Hey, Earl.

Earl.

Hey, Earl.

Can I talk to you for a second?

You are talking to me.

Earl, I'd really like it if we could just talk man to man.

I would like it if Marisa Tomei talked to me woman to man,

but that ain't going to happen. So what are you going to do?

Your golf ball broke my window.

I didn't do it.

Well, then what's this?

It's a golf ball.

It ain't mine.

Oh, yeah.

No, it was some other jerk hitting golf balls next door.

You say something to me?

Yeah, you're responsible.

And you broke my window, my mom's window, our window.

Well, which is it, your window, mommy's window?

Whose-- - It's my mom's house.

So you broke her window.

You're standing up for your mommy now?

Yeah. Yeah, I am.

I didn't have a problem with your mom until you moved back.

And now it's always, Earl, don't urinate in our yard.

Earl, don't bring rescue eagles to the house.

Earl, you can't sunbathe on the roof.

Earl, you can't run a dispensary.

Earl, you ran over my dog.

You did run over my dog when I was 14.

That was you, you lying piece-- - Hey, Earl.

Hey, I was wondering if I could ask you a favor.

Could you help me replace my window, please?

I'm sure it was an accident.

Yeah, anything, Miss Patty.

While I'm at it, I'll teach your boy

how to do stuff around the house, you know, be a man.

That would be lovely, Earl.

Mm.

Come on.

Your breath is full of murder.

Look, it's just a window, OK?

Also, you need to get going.

I packed this for you.

And you need to go and impress the mayor,

get that big promotion. So you don't want to be late.

Mom, please, it's not that big of a deal.

Well, if it makes you happy, it's a big deal to me.

OK, you go ahead and think about yourself.

I'll be fine.

I can handle Earl.

I don't like that you can't.

I'll see you later.

Don't go to the trailer.

Shut your goddamn mouth.

Hey, Roy.

You will not believe what Earl did this morning.

Forget Earl.

Where are you?

Tiffany is pissed.

I'm on Route 66.

What happened?

Someone forgot to close Uranus last night.

Well, Cletus was supposed to close Uranus.

Cletus just said you were supposed to close your Uranus.

LUKE (ON PHONE): What? No, he closed.

Not me.

Tiffany is pissed.

She's about to open Uranus.

Hey, when you say "Uranus," do you mean "Uranus"

or "your anus"?

Both.

Come to Uranus as fast as you can.

The mayor has some big surprise.

LUKE (ON PHONE): What is it?

If I knew what it was, it wouldn't be a big surprise.

Well, listen, I'll be there as soon as I can.

Don't let him start without me.

Excuse me.

I can't get the cards.

Can you move?

The cards are underneath your--

I bet it's probably about that assistant manager position.

Just cover for me.

As your best friend--

Not my best friend.

Your best friend will cover your anus.

Thanks, not my best friend.

And I will fabricate a lie so ingenious

that tabloids will use it for future generations to--

Hello?

Yeah.

Yes, I'll see you very soon, best friend.

Yes, you're clearly on the phone with me.

All right, love you.

Bye.

Is this your card?

Is it one of these four?

You cheated.

Ah.

There it is, yep.

What the-- Oh, man.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh.

Oh!

Oh.

Oh, no.

Ow!

Watch me, watch me, watch me

Did you never think about it - Hey.

Are you serious?

Hello?

Pushing this boy Can you handle, handle me?

See that booty in the back

Think you're going to get a snack

Move!

Now watch me strut with my front butt

Watch me jiggle

Watch me shake

Work the pavement like a runway

Strut--

Hey!

-with my front butt

Watch me jiggle

Watch me shake

Work the pavement like a runway

Booty in the back

Booty in the front

Booty for breakfast

Booty for lunch

See me on the tick TikTok

Fudge!

Going a little fast, weren't you?

Sorry, there was a lady jogging right in the middle of the road.

I didn't see no lady.

Did you, Sheriff?

No, I didn't.

I work at Uranus Fudge Factory,

and they have this big announcement there today.

And I'm feeling--

What is that, some kind of joke?

Yeah, is that some kind of joke?

Maybe a poop joke?

Ernie, how is "Big announcement" a poop joke?

Could be a big poop.

License and registration.

Are you serious?

Dead serious.

He's going for a weapon!

He's going to try and give us a paper cut!

I hate that man.

Hey, Earl.

You're a little early for the window.

I still need to go to the hardware store and pick it up,

so.