Free Samples

"[Say Hi's Shake Her Shoulders" plays]

Can't put two letters in one box.

I think you can do that,

if it fits if you can get them all in.

Yeah.

Man I hate this song.

I hated the last 7 songs.

Yes, but did you hear what I said?

Jillian, can I have some money for the jukebox?

Play something good Wally!

What's that song that goesit's starts out.

Uh, I don't know.

I'll find it.

Yes, you do that.

Okay, what's this one?

Oh, hey, uh, okay okay. Watch it, watch it.

Let's sit back down.

Are you drunk?

A woman just left the bar that I used to go to law school with.

Are you a Lawyer?

She dropped out, but um

are you a painter this week?

No, I'm not a painter this week.

That's good then.

It's Paula, her name is Paula.

C'mon there's gotta.

You know, I don't think that I've seen Paula

in like a, uh, 6 months.

Oh, Jesus, what day is today?

The 19th.

You, remind me to call Danny tomorrow.

And he doesn't want me to make a big deal about it,

but you know, he's going to get all pissy if I forget.

Who's that, who's Danny?

Someone.

Danny.

Do you know what's really fucked up?

What?

What, what? Wait what's really fucked up?

Oh I wish somebody would ask me that.

I have a word or two to say about that.

Okay, uh, Jillian, what is, what's really fucked up

in a word or two?

Everything.

I'm not a complete flake, you know.

If I said I'd be there, then that's what I'm going to do.

Jilly, hunny, I need you to wake up.

Nancy.

Who let you in? What?

I live here. You're at my place.

What time is it?

It's early, I'm sorry.

What-That's the hat that Tex was wearing

when we met him last night.

Tex as in Texas? Is he here right now?

Look, I need to ask you a huge favour.

You wouldn't wear any of my pyjamas.

Are those gophers?

No they're little bunny rabbits.

Nice, do you have any pyjamas for grown-ups?

That was funny last night and it's still

funny this morning. But, I really do need your help.

You'll be my hero.

No, okay, no, no, no.

No, Jillian. Jillian, we have to leave right now.

Great!

I cannot wear this shirt all day.

Look, I know, but you have to.

I don't understand how you fit your breasts into this.

I don't know. I like my clothes tight.

It's like wearing a corset.

Here. No. No way.

I don't have the sort of head made for a visor.

Please. This is a deal breaker.

Just drop it. Okay, fine.

But, we have to leave right now.

Oh, it's probably from Wally.

I made him sleep on the couch.

"Hey Nancy. I'm sorry but I peed on your couch.

I'm leaving you twenty dollars. Wally."

Ugh, We have to go.

You know, I don't understand why he left you $20.

I don't know Is that for you to get a new couch

or get the cushions cleaned?

Is that he didn't even attempt to clean it up,

I mean, spray something on it

or at least try to mop it up a little bit.

I would be mortified, I don't think I'd ever

be able to look you in the face again.

He's probably trying to remember where his $20 went.

If I peed on your couch,

I would pay someone to come in a steal all your furniture.

I'd rather burn down your whole apartment building,

than tell you.

Hey Nancy, I peed on your couch last night.

Get inside the truck! Just kidding.

It's so fun. You're gonna have a great time.

Yay! So fun!

Ok, anyone who wants a sample can have one

but they can't have two.

Even if they offer to pay for it.

I know. They're testing this product.

Okay, try and get people to fill out these survey cards

but don't be obnoxious about it...

Okay, um, this one is vanilla, this is chocolate.

They either get one or the other. That's it.

Where are the cups. Oh.

Okay, 12345.

That's all they get. Okay, now I've gotta go.

Okay, stay here one second. I'm gonna run.

I'm gonna get coffee. Be right back.

No, no, no, no, no! You can't!

I'm already late.

Nancy, I've never hated anyone more

than I hate you right now.

What? Oh gosh. If you leave here, you're going to find

my dead body hanging from a rope.

Ok. The intervention was supposed to be next week

but my grandfather is having a bypass on Tuesday.

Does your grandfather really need to be there?

Well yeah. He's the only person in my family

I don't think your brother drinks that much.

That's because you're a borderline alchy yourself.

Now I've really gotta go.

I love you for this.

Ok, I should be back no later than noon.

Maybe one? Really try for noon.

Ok, be nice to the people. They mean you no harm.

And step outside if you need to smoke.

Oh and go to the front there's a little switch that plays music.

Try and play it once an hour.

Oh, um, thank you sweetie. I owe you a big one

and don't forget to call Danny.

Ok, I love you. Bye!

Damnit.

Great.

12345.

Hi. Hello.

You're giving out free samples today only?

Yes.

A cup of either ice cream or an ice cream like substance

in either chocolate or vanilla.

Who's Mike? I don't know.

But I suspect he dreams of ice cream

or ice cream like substance.

How do you not know who you're working for?

This just happens to be my first

and my last day working here.

Oh, what happened? Big drama?

Does this look like an information booth?

No. How lonely are you that you have to wander the streets

on a Thursday morning asking a bunch of senseless questions

to the first person you meet who's trapped in a truck.

Look, I'm just curious.

Chocolate or vanilla? Which one do you like?

How do you work here and not try both your flavors?

You're doing it again.

What do people usually get?

Strawberry.

That wasn't even an option.

Your two flavors are only chocolate or vanilla.

Oh, that's a joke.

Ok, I think I'll take the choc-str-ch-chocolate.

Did it take a long time to learn ow-

Oh, thank you.

Hey.

Uh, Chocolate or vanilla?

Chocolate.

You know, you're like the first person around here

who hasn't remarked on us being identical twins.

Well, I was going to but to be honest,

I'm hung-over and I just wasn't entirely sure

if I was seeing two people or not.

You're twins.

Thanks for the ice cream.

No! Yes!

No! Yeahyeah.

I'm talking to you. Me?

What? Uh, you and that bongo have got to go.

My head cannot take it.

$5 I will give this to you if you go away. Where?

You don't have to leave the state or anything.

Just go somewhere I can't hear you, ok? Okay.

Cool.

Um, hey, hey! Uh, wait a minute.

I'm not giving back this money.

Oh no, I don't want the money back.

Do you want to make another $5?

What do I have to do?

I want you to go and buy me the largest

cup of coffee that they have in Southern California.

Ok? Ok. Great!

And, uh, I need one real sugar. Say it.

Real sugar.

Yes, and just a drop of milk.

You know what, no milk. Just take the cup

and say "Moo" over top of it.

Ok. That's very good but save it for when it counts.

How am I supposed to buy you the coffee?

Crazy, I don't know if you noticed