Here Comes the Boom

Oh, no.

Let's go. Come on.

And that is how a baby antelope comes into the world.

The window, obviously, would be. . .

Oh, hey, Principal Betcher.

The window would be the birth canal,

whereas the whole building,

that. . . That's your mother right there.

You're late, again.

No, l was just. . . l was just giving a lesson.

l warned you, if you were late one more time,

l would dock you a vacation day.

You were serious about that?

Oh, yeah, dead serious.

Come on, pal. l was teacher of the year.

That was 1 0 years ago.

Feels like eight, though, right?

You got bus duty today.

Today, l can't, 'cause l, you know,

l volunteer down at the youth center.

Not true.

Okay.

Everybody, open up your books

to whatever we were working on yesterday.

Yesterday was Sunday.

Just get to work, okay?

Mr. Voss?

Mr. Voss, our textbook

says that the discovery of penicillin

was the most important biological discovery

of the 20th century.

But l read online that this actually encourages

more potent strains of infection.

Yeah, that's some very advanced, college-y stuff.

Look, if you're done with your work,

just go sit down and draw on your desk like Martinez.

But l want to know.

Because if the textbook is wrong. . .

Malia, the chances of you actually using

anything you learn in this class,

probably zero.

And l don't know if you heard Mr. Betcher or not,

but, technically, this is my vacation time now.

So l'm going to shut her down for a few.

Oh, no, no, no, not today. Not today. Come on.

Oh.

Bonus.

Now, remember, please, listen to each other.

Help each other. lnspire me.

This never happened. We clear?

Join in. Be together now.

Here we go!

Second violins, don't overpower the first violins.

That's why you're called "second."

l hear improvement coming in the door.

Nice and subtle.

And you're done. Thank you.

Mr. Streb.

Oh, right, the quote of the day.

l forgot the quote of the day. All right.

l think l'm going to go

with a rock star of philosophers,

Friedrich Nietzsche.

And he said. . . Dan, drumroll, please.

"Without music, life would be a mistake."

Nice.

Who's going to practice? Who's going to. . .

l don't believe one of you. Get out of here.

You were great today.

Mr. Voss.

And what do l owe the pleasure of this visit?

Oh, the music. l heard the music.

Sounds great. Yeah.

They really bring the heat, these kids, huh?

Listen, l have a huge favor to ask.

l have bus duty, and l was. . .

Okay, hold that thought.

l'm expecting this. This. . .

See, the thing is, my Aunt Cora,

she threw her hip out again.

l'm so sorry. Yeah, it's nasty.

lt's a nasty hip-out thing.

And these pins and rods,

they're not even connected to anything,

they're just loose. And l wouldn't just ask anybody,

but l've seen how you are

with the whole bus safety situation.

You handle it like. . . l'm not going to. . .

Yeah, l'm going to say it, you have a gift.

And. . . ls everything all right?

You teach biology.

You know the body.

What are the chances of a 48-year-old woman being pregnant?

Well, it depends what she looks like.

l'm just kidding.

That's more of a fertility question.

My wife is pregnant.

No one knows. lt's still very early.

Please, please keep this between you and me.

Are you kidding me? That. . . lt goes right in the vault.

That is locked. Locked away. Wow.

Thank you. Thank you.

How old are you?

Old.

Oh. Congrats, right? l mean. . .

Well, yeah.

lt's beautiful.

l mean, my son is 22.

He just finished college.

l thought l was done writing checks.

Yeah.

l'm going to have a baby. Yeah.

l'm going to have a baby.

Oh, you went low.

Okay. All right.

Wow. And thanks for the bus duty, doing that.

l really appreciate it.

You want the vest on the chair

or just go with the. . . l'm going to go with the desk.

l'm just going to put it on the desk, okay?

Baby! We're having a baby!

Baby!

Can we take our seats, people?

Come on in. We're about to begin.

Please take your seats.

You believe this guy? All right, we're sitting.

Plenty of seats. Come on in.

How much food do you think is stuck in that beard?

l don't know, but l can see corn from here.

Oh, yeah. You dip that beard in hot water, you got ramen.

Hey, Bella. You know, l waited for you for like three hours.

You waited? Where?

The bowling alley. We had a date.

No, we didn't.

You asked me, and l said no.

No, it went. . . l said, "lf you want to go, just say no,

"and we'll both know it's code for yes."

You didn't really go, did you?

l did. l waited for two hours.

You said three.

Yeah, but, you know,

actually, it's pretty hard to see your watch

when you've been crying.

Okay, giving you one last chance here.

You've already given me 1 5 last chances, Scott.

How about this? l swing by. . .

No.

0 for 1 6.

HeIIo?

Thank you, everyone.

As several of you already know,

Wilkinson High School has been operating

at a budget deficit for several years.

Assistant Principal Elkins and l have already conferred

with your union to try to minimize the impact

on the classrooms, but, unfortunately,

l have to make some serious cuts.

Starting immediately, we'll be freezing all supplies,

and, unfortunately, we have to roll back to last year's pay scales.

Joke's on him. l didn't get a raise this year anyway.

Me, either.

Also, despite best efforts,

we are cutting all extracurricular activities,

which includes the debate club,

the music program,

the annual senior class field trip...

Excuse me?

You're talking about cutting the music program?

You're actually going to cut music?

l'm sorry. We simply don't have the funds.

No, wait a minute, Mr. Betcher.

We're talking about Marty's job here.