Psychos in Love

I guess the first three even took me by surprise.

A hard man is good,

a well-hung hard man is good to find.

(woman gasping over menacing piano and thumping rhythm)

(animals chattering over tense, pulsing bass tones)

(woman moaning over tense, pulsing bass tones)

It was wonderful,

and I'm dead tired.

And then Diane stepped into my life.

Well, well, actually, she stepped into my bar first,

and then, well.

(tense, vaguely ominous electronic music)

She was perfect, long, sinuous legs,

a great little ass, you know,

the kind you wanna sink your teeth into.

Perfect, and I mean perfect, breasts.

(rhythmic, slightly playful electronic music)

Beautiful face, thick, sensuous lips,

deep, penetrating eyes.

When she'd smile, she'd send shivers up and down my spine.

(rhythmic and playful electronic music)

(tense, menacing electronic music)

(tense, menacing electronic music)

(knife strikes crunching over menacing electronic music)

(shower hissing over tense, menacing electronic music)

(shower hissing over tense and menacing electronic music)

And then I found out she liked grapes!

I hate grapes, I can't stand grapes!

I loathe grapes, all kinds of grapes!

I hate purple grapes, I hate green grapes,

I hate grapes with seeds, I hate grapes without seeds!

I hate them peeled and non-peeled!

I hate grapes in bunches, one at time,

or in groups of twos and threes!

I fucking hate grapes!

I was pretty depressed for a while.

I almost gave up,

and then Kate stepped into my,

my bar!

Ah, Kate!

She was perfect, long, sinuous legs,

a great little ass, you know,

the kind you wanna sink your teeth into.

Perfect, I mean perfect, breasts.

(rhythmic and playful electronic music)

Beautiful face, thick, sensuous lips,

deep, penetrating eyes.

(rhythmic and playful electronic music)

When she'd smile, she'd send shivers up and down my spine.

(rhythmic and playful electronic music)

(shower hissing over tense, pulsing bass tones)

(shower hissing over tense and menacing electronic music)

I was in love.

I remember in exact detail, well, almost exact detail,

the first time I saw her.

(patrons chattering over thumping rhythm)

(pulsing bass over thumping rhythm)

It was a Saturday night and my place was packed.

(pulsing bass over thumping rhythm)

(pulsing bass over thumping rhythm)

Nikki was dancing, I remember this

because she was the only dancer I had at the time.

She was all the bar needed.

(patrons chattering over pulsing bass and thumping rhythm)

Phew, could she do splits!

(patrons chattering over pulsing bass and thumping rhythm)

(footsteps clacking over pulsing bass and thumping rhythm)

(footsteps clacking over pulsing bass and thumping rhythm)

(pulsing bass over thumping rhythm)

Thanks.

No problem.

(pulsing bass over thumping rhythm)

How 'bout a drink?

How does a long, cool glass of Welch's grape juice sound?

Grapes, I hate grapes!

I can't stand grapes, I loathe grapes, all kinds of grapes!

I hate purple grapes, I hate green grapes,

I hate grapes with seeds, I hate grapes without seeds!

I hate them peeled and non-peeled!

I hate them in bunches, one at a time,

or in small groups of twos and threes!

I fucking hate grapes!

(pulsing bass over thumping rhythm)

What a woman, whatta woman!

What, a woman?

What a woman?

I know this one, whatta woman, what a woman, phew!

I really liked Joe at first,

but I really didn't think he'd like me.

I mean, not after he knew.

Have a seat.

I'm gonna go slip into something more comfortable.

(clothes rustling over playful synthesizer music)

(playful electronic music with bouncy synthesizer)

(playful electronic music with bouncy synthesizer)

Shhh, wow!

Like what you see?

Yeah, baby, you look hotter than the weather.

All I need is one more thing.

Well, I'm right over here.

(playful electronic music with bouncy synthesizer)

Whatcha doin'?

Are you gonna do my nails or somethin'?

We're gonna shoot the shit?

Not exactly.

(playful electronic music with bouncy synthesizer)

You know, it's a really nice day out.

It's a little hot, but who cares?

You know, this time of year in Europe,

it's grape picking season.

I know that because some friends of mine and me

we went, uh, to Europe, we were,

we picked grapes all over the place, we had a blast.

I bet.

You sure you don't want any champagne?

No, I, I don't really like grape products.

Ah.

I think I'll have more chicken, though.

(knife creaking on plate over ominous electronic music)

Let me put some suntan lotion on your legs.

(birds chirping over tense and ominous electronic music)

Your nails are perfect, what did you want a manicure for?

Well, you know the old saying,

an ounce of prevention is worth a man a cure.

So, is it hot enough for you?

(man groaning over menacing electronic music)

I guess I thought that me being both a manicurist

and a psychotic killer would turn a guy off.

(rhythmic instrumental hip hop music)

(rhythmic and playful instrumental hip hop music)

So what do you do?

Nails.

Nails?

Mostly.

Oh.

Oh?

Nails.

Yeah.

Manicurist?

Manicurist.

Oh.

Want one?

A manicure?

A manicure.

Are you askin' me out?

Somethin' like that.

How 'bout, uh, dinner, a movie, and a manicure?

Sounds great.

Great!

Great?

Great!

Great!

(rhythmic and playful instrumental hip hop music)

At first, I was a little apprehensive.

I mean, what did I really know about this girl?