Family United (La gran familia española)

On their first date, my parents went to see

"Seven Brides for Seven Brothers."

It was my dad's favorite movie

and after that it became my mom's too.

They decided to have 7 sons and name them as in the movie.

I'm the youngest of 5 brothers:

Adam, Benjamin, Caleb,

Daniel and me, Ephraim.

Biblical names in alphabetical order from eldest to youngest,

like in the movie. But after me, they didn't have any more.

Remember the alphabet:

Adam, Benjamin, Caleb, Daniel, Ephraim, Frank and Gideon.

Later on, my eldest brother had a daughter

and called her Fran to keep the tradition.

I asked my dad once how he knew he'd have only boys.

And he said that everyone's life resembles a movie.

And that ours was "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers."

That our life is a musical comedy.

Of course he told me all this

before my mom left him and moved out.

That was not long ago

and we all sat around eating the croquettes

my mom had frozen and watched the movie

because it always cheered us up.

But that day it didn't.

So Dad decided to stop watching it and visiting the ranch

because both things reminded him too much of my mother.

My brothers are much older than me. I think I was an accident.

That's why I think this is all my fault.

I want to tell my dad, but he's too sad.

So I'm declaring my love for you, Carla Diego Lopez,

and asking you to marry me on my dad's ranch

so we can all be one big happy family again

and make my dad's dream come true.

You have to be 18 to get married.

We can wait.

What do we do until then?

We can go to movies.

Okay.

I made a ring. One for each of us.

FAMILY UNITED

8 YEARS LATER

- Why didn't you tell me? - We knew you'd freak out.

- Then you shouldn't have done it. - Don't get mad, please.

Ben, stop it.

- Dad, will this go on forever? - Yeah.

Going to the ranch is hard enough, I don't want your mom there.

- Whose idea was it? - Your son the dummy.

No, it wasn't. And I'm not a dummy. I'm Benjamin Montero Sanz...

I don't mean you, Ben. Don't freak out.

Dad, make an effort. Do it for Ephraim.

Okay, I'll make an effort.

I'll stay here. Your mother can go.

I'll stay here and watch the match.

All I want to do is watch the match.

I've been waiting 70 years for this.

Everybody in Spain wants to see the match.

It's your son's wedding day.

But hey, no sweat. To hell with us. We're a perfect family.

- Dad, can I come upstairs? - No!

He's getting nervous and so am I and so are you.

- And so is he. - Don't stress us out.

Okay, okay.

And you! Come out here and deal with the wedding, it's yours.

- Hey, respect my privacy. - Were you masturbating?

- I'll pick up Caleb at the airport. - You don't have a license.

I want to come. I want to see Caleb.

- Ben, take it easy. - Okay.

Dad! Please don't stress out, it's bad for you.

- Can I come upstairs? - No!

- Dad. - What?

I think I'm a lesbian. My friends all want to screw Casillas

and I just want to score on him. Does that mean I am?

Yeah, probably.

I thought so.

- Can I go to the wedding like this? - Sure.

Fran, you can't go like that, you're part of the wedding.

What bullshit. I even have to miss the match.

- Take me to the airport? - Okay.

Adam, you can't drive. You're on antidepressants.

- I can drive slowly. - I'll skip the wedding.

Okay, let's go!

No, wait, I'm coming too.

- So you can break the news to Caleb! - Get off my case.

- Dad, can I come upstairs? - No!

Dad won't let me go upstairs.

I'm so nervous you'd think I'm the one getting married.

Okay, that's enough already.

Ben and I will go. Stay here and take care of this.

You, as the big brother and you, as...

The schmuck getting married the day of the World Cup Final.

Okay, look. One: I want my mother at the wedding.

Two: I'm picking up Caleb, I can't wait to see him.

You can break the news to him later.

And three: Who thought Spain would reach the World Cup Final?

- I did. - Me too, damn it.

Okay, Fran. So you and everybody else feel better,

we'll put a big screen TV in the reception

so you can watch the match.

Yes!

- Ephraim, Ephraim! - Okay, come on.

- See you later, bro! - Dad, I'm leaving!

We're almost champions! Go Spain! Here.

We're almost champions!

- Tubby. - What?

Your dad's blood pressure is through the roof.

My dad's? You should see mine...

Go with them, I'll stay here and try to calm him down.

No, babe. It's not your problem.

Go keep your niece company.

She must be nervous about the wedding. I'll see you there.

Does that mean you don't want me here when Caleb arrives?

Did I say that?

- I didn't say that. - Yeah, sort of.

It's what you were thinking.

Bye.

What?

Out of the way, dickhead!

Jerk! Moon him! Moon him!

Take that!

I farted.

Give me five! What a moon.

Jesus Christ.

- Watch the road. - What moon?

Your company went bust, but the van still stinks like cheese.

- I love the smell of cheese. - Smells like failure.

Don't be cruel.

It's okay, you're the one who smells like failure.

Maybe so, but you smell like shit.

Don't touch my head, it freaks me out!

- Damn it! - You'll distract Adam.

Don't talk to Dani that way.

I broke your ear!

You can all go to hell.

Why are you all so against me getting married?

- It's not that. - Yeah, right.

We just don't want you to make the same mistakes as Dad.

What mistakes?

Mistakes? One, two, three, four and we're picking up the fifth.

I'm not a mistake. I'm Benjamin Montero Sanz.

- I live at Camino de la Fuente... - Ben, stop.

There are clear signs out there and you're ignoring them.

They say: "Don't get married, you're young,

you have your whole life ahead of you."

- Signs? What are you talking about? - What signs?

Look.

All of Spain is sending you a gigantic sign. It's historic.

Spain, bang, bang!

Bang!

That's a good sign, damn it. It's an awesome sign.

You're a bunch of chickens.

You always say Spain will lose, that they'll blow it...

You're losers. But not me.

I'm the Spain that fucks Germany with an amazing goal by Torres.

I fuck Germany, Italy, France, whoever I have to.

And if I want to get married, I get married.

I grab my nuts and go for it. So respect my moment.

My name is Benjamin Montero Sanz.

I live at Camino de la Fuente del Piojo, number 3.

Phone number: 915550433.

This is not a very good sign.

Caleb...

Caleb!

Caleb!

It's okay.

You're all right.

- Benja... Benja... - Caleb!

I want to see Caleb!

Look, there he is.

Caleb!

- What happened? - Caleb!

What's up, bro?

What happened?

Torres or Pedro, who will start?

Torres or Pedro?

Torres. You have to be faithful. If you gamble on someone,

you gamble on someone, period.

Yeah, but... if that someone doesn't perform like they should,

it's okay to try somebody else isn't it?

Are you talking about Dani and Caleb?

- What? - That's a low blow.

What's that about?

Are you ready to see Caleb?

Are you ready to see Carmen?

What did you say? I can't hear you, I'm too old.

- Sure. - Yeah, it's true.

I think you should let her come.

How long has it been? Eight years?

I don't care if it's been eighty.

You don't want to get over it.

We've received word that Pedro will start.

Del Bosque is going with Pedro after his great match against Germany.

You're right.

I don't want to get over it.

- You don't? - No.

True love isn't something you get over.

That's my son.

"The Masai doctor."

What happened to the van?

Dad, Dad...