Wellington Paranormal

So, we're just on a bit of a stakeout here at the moment.

Someone's been tagging properties in the area.

Not just fences; letterboxes, vehicles - the works.

So we're on the lookout for a budding young graffiti artist.

Urn, I mean, it's not very paranormal, but it's been a bit lean on the paranormal front.

What was the last paranormal case we had, Minogue?

Flying saucer last week.

Yeah, but that was... turned out to be the Moon.

Well- Oi!

Come back here!

I mean, that's not even funny.

In pursuit of a very short tagger!

Possible paranormal disturbance at 5 Kino Rd. Looks like zombies. Over.

Copy that, Sarge. On our way.

Minogue! I nearly got him! There's a paranormal case!

We'll get back to you, kid! Kiss my arse, Penis Patrol!

She's fast. Sarge says it's zombies.

Bloody zombs again?

Wellington Paranormal's back, baby.

Don't say that. Sorry.

All right. Well, you wait here. I'll go check it out.

Why do I have to stay in the car? Well, cos if it is zombs and one of us gets bit,

then the other one'll have to drive to the hospital.

If you're sure. Here if you need.

So, I mean, Minogue does this from time to time. I think he thinks he's protecting me or something, urn,

but he usually ends up calling for backup without about 30 seconds.

Boar's open.

Normally I'd knock, but you never wanna give a zomb a heads-up.

O'Leary, it's just a zombie-themed hen party.

Nothing paranormal. Over. Copy that, Minogue.

Get your attention over here, please! Hey, the stripper's here!

Whoo!

I'm not a stripper, all right? I'm not a stripper. Come on!

OK? Calm down. Strip! Strip! Strip!

O'Leary, get in here! O'Leary!

How do you lose a police car?! Well, to be fair,

we didn't... we didn't lose it. Um, it was... it was stolen...

Yeah....um, by two very drunk women dressed as zombies.

I went to assist Officer Minogue, who requested by assistance,

and in my haste, I I did leave the keys in, and the window was down,

so they probably just reached their arm in, undid the lock - or, you know...

...opened the door....'undead' the lock, you know?

just to lighten the mood. Obviously, you know, they were dressed as zombies and that.

Theft of a police car is no laughing matter, O'Leary.

No. They also defaced police property

by writing Penis Patrol on the door.

No, actually, that was done earlier by a tagger we tried to apprehend.

Where's your shirt, Minogue? Some ladies dressed as zombies

mistook me for a policeman stripper character. That's right.

I mean, these stripper cops are actually creating unrealistic expectations for real cops.

They took my shirt.

I'm getting creeped out by your nipples. Please cover them.

Somehow, that's worse.

Right. Look, we haven't really had many paranormal cases for a while.

What about that flying saucer? That was the moon, Minogue. Let it go.

The bean counters have been putting the squeeze on me.

I have to downsize the paranormal unit.

You're gonna shrink us, Sarge? No, he means cutting staff.

I was gonna say - the technology's not there yet for that, Sarge.

Well, looks like I can only afford one of you.

Me. No. I haven't made my decision yet.

Today is a really bad day to mention this, as you've just lost your squad car.

And my shirt. Exactly. And my singlet.

And his vest. My vest had my torch on it. That's gone too.

Yep. Thank you. In the meantime, I have a possible paranormal case.

We'll prove you need us both, Sarge. What is it? Monsters? Demons?

Car theft.

That... That doesn't sound very paranormal, Sarge.

How about if I told you the guy claims his car was stolen?

Well, yeah, I mean, you did say it was a car theft.

I was pausing for effect. Sorry.

Yeah, you go again. What if I told you the car claims his car was stolen...

by a ghost?

Probably freaked out. Try it.

He just did. He just said it. That was him saying it..

To help you track down this car, I've purchased a high-tech drone.

You can use it to get an aerial view. This thing is state-of-the-art.

So you can afford a drone, but you can't afford both of us?

Well, it's actually because I bought the drone that I can't afford you.

So, go and see the owner of the car tomorrow.

And, get a new shirt, Minogue.

Think Sarge was joking about letting one of us go?

We don't joke at work, Minogue. He doesn't joke.

What would we do if we weren't being cops, though? It'd have to be something together.

Paramedics? Batman and Robin? That's a duo.

We could start a band?

Another duo. We could be the White Stripes.

Yep. Blue Stripes. Um, what else?

Um, work in a bar.

Um, paramedics or ambulance drivers- I already said that one.

I already said that one. ...or working in a surgery. Lawyers?

Dancing with the Stars? What, we could enter it? Yeah.

But they only take one person, and then a proper dancer.

Or we could both do it. Well, I'm a proper dancer. OK, so...

Are you? Well, stripping.

I'm not gonna do that.'

Well, not at a male strip club.

Never say never. Never say never. I... I'm pretty sure

I'd say never for that one. Well...

I'm pretty good at pumping gas, so we could work on the forecourt of a he petrol station.

I'd probably work in the actual shop bit. Yup.

You know? Yup. just good with people,

that kind of thing. Talking people out of buying cigarettes.

I just wouldn't sell them at my service station. Not on my watch.

No.

So, we're just approaching this suburban home to investigate an alleged car theft.

Um, it may or may not be paranormal. Probably not.

Gidday, mate. Hello. Hi. Um, Officer Minogue,

Officer O'Leary. You've had your car stolen, we understand?

I got this out-of-it whip? Modded it up pretty sweet too.

So, it went cray cray, man. Weird noises, weird vibes- I'll stop you there, mate.

Could you just speak, um, less young?

Less young? We're just a bit old, so we're not gettin' any of this.

No, yeah, yeah, OK. Um...

so, I recently, um, bought a 1985,

Nissan 300ZX - Yeah. the Z31.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And, um, I reconditioned the whole thing, man.

Yeah? Like, new alloys, new green paint job,

new engine. Yeah, now you're talkin' my language. What kind of engine?

It was a 3L V6, man. Yeah. It was so grunty for its size.

Yeah. You probably won't get this, O'Leary.

OK, so, was that the turbocharged single overhead cam

or the fuel-injected?

It was the turbo. Yeah, turbo. OK. So, um, what happened?

- So first weird thing that happened - I disconnected my horn, right? -?

But I could still hear a creepy tune coming from the car.

It went a little bit like this. 'Are You Old Enough?' - Dragon.

That is a very creepy tune. I mean, how old's she s'posed to be?

Anyway, next weird thing that happened, right - I could hear moaning coming from the back seat.

Was that a ghost-like kind of moaning, like, '',

or was it more of a sexual moaning, like, ''?

Nah, nah, it was more of, like, a mournful moaning. Like a...

Mournful moaning.

Look, I could hear a voice coming from the car somewhere, all right?

It was telling me to... get out of my car, get out of my car!

Mate, have you checked your garage? I know whenever I think my car's been stolen,

it always ends up being in the garage.

It's not in there, bro. So this ghost- did it look anything like that?

That's a... Pat-Man ghost.

Yeah. I thought it looked familiar. Put the pad away.

So, look, we've got some really good information here, so thank you for that,

um, and we'll just be in touch. We'll be in touch.

OK? Cheers. Nice socks.

Thanks.

So, we've got a young gentleman who believes his car was stolen by an invisible ghost.

That's gonna make it very hard to identify the perpetrator,

and, um- O'Leary. Got reports of a lime-green Nissan 300ZX Z31

driving with no driver a couple of streets away.

In pursuit. Getting into the vehicle.

There it is.

He's not stopping, is he? No.

Hold on.

My God. There's no one driving it!

Sir or madam, pull over, please!

Hold on, O'Leary.

No wonder we couldn't see him - he's a kid. What's goin' on, mate?

You're driving like a madman out there. It wasn't me.

OK, so, you're sitting there behind the wheel,

and you're saying it wasn't you driving? Yeah.

How old are you, mate? Um, I'm 10.

10. Is that old enough to have a driver's licence?

No. So, the proper age is 15.

16. 16. Is it?

Yes. That's gone up.

16 is the legal driving age in New Zealand. You're nowhere near 16.

Gonna have to hop out of the car and come with us to the police station, OK?

Or he can just follow us. Minogue, he's 10 years old. He shouldn't be driving the car.

You shouldn't be driving the car, mate. Out of the car.

So, what our investigation clearly established was that the Nissan ZX

was in fact not stolen by a ghost at all; it was stolen by a 10-year-old minor,

um, who was driving very erratically and very dangerously.

That way? Our role now is to get in touch with the appropriate authorities,

um, and make sure that.... ..we get him home to his whanau.

Minogue? Get him in the car, Minogue! Yep.

And, urn, then hopefully he can get some support and, you know, look at changing his behaviour

so that he's acting in a way that is gonna keep his community safe,

because, end of the day, that kind of driving never ends well.

He's got a lot to give, that kid. Awesome.

Why don't you get him back to the station?

And I'll get this bad boy back to its rightful owner.

Phwoar!

Wow. Hey? He's done a good job.

It's all the little details that really make the difference.

It's a, um, dragon. Fluffy dice - classic.

Bit sticky. Needs a bit of oil.

How much do you get paid? Well, I don't do it for the money.

I do it because I care about my community, and the money's not important to me.

It's not very much, to be honest. It's about the same as teaching.

Are we on TV? Yes, but please don't look at the camera.

Shout-out to my mum and my dad and my brother and my sister!

Yeah, shout-out to Minogue, and my mum and, Kez.

Bit of an '80s classic, this.

Steering's a bit wonky, though.

You realise you're too young to drive?

I already told you I wasn't driving. You're insulting me.

I'm not insulting you; I'm just trying to get to the bottom of the situation.

I mean, why were you in the car? I heard this spooky voice, and then the car took off by itself.

- And what did the voice say? - Get out of my car!