Roseanne

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CAPITAL CITIESABC, INC.

I'M SERIOUS.

HE'LL STILL LIKE YOU.

BREAKFAST!

YEAH. SHE IS SUCH A DOG!

ANY JAM?

NO.

POW POW!

MOM, WHERE'S MY ENGLISH BOOK?

I SOLD IT.

MOM.

ON TOP OF THE TV.

SEE YOU AT SCHOOL. BYE.

I GOT A KNOT IN MY SHOE.

WEAR LOAFERS.

COME ON.

ALL RIGHT. GIVE IT HERE.

CAN I HAVE PIE FOR BREAKFAST?

NO. THAT'S CONTAMINATED.

SIT DOWN AND EAT YOUR BREAKFAST.

DON'T SPILL YOUR MILK TODAY, NEITHER.

HERE YOU GO.

IS THERE COFFEE?

DAN?

YEAH?

ISN'T THERE COFFEE EVERY MORNING?

YES.

IN THE 15 YEARS WE'VE BEEN MARRIED,

HAS THERE EVER BEEN ONE MORNING WITHOUT COFFEE?

NO.

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO ASK EVERY MORNING IF THERE'S COFFEE?

IS THERE TOAST?

WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH YOU?

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.

OUR SCHOOL'S HAVING A FOOD DRIVE FOR POOR PEOPLE.

TELL THEM TO DRIVE SOME OF THAT FOOD HERE.

MOTHER.

TWO CANS.

DON'T TOUCH THAT CREAMED CORN.

I'LL GET IT! HELLO.

MOM!

HE STARTED IT.

KNOCK IT OFF. STOP IT.

LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER.

YOU HEARD YOUR FATHER.

CONNIE, DON'T TELL HIM THAT.

GET OFF THE PHONE.

MOM.

NOW.

I GOT TO GO.

BYE.

DAD, KNOW WHAT WOULD BE GOOD FOR BREAKFAST?

WHAT?

PIE.

TELL HIM NO.

NO.

OH, HI!

I LOOKED IN THE MIRROR, AND I'M GETTING BOOBS.

BECKY CAN'T TALK NOW.

OH, GOSH. I WAS SUPPOSED TO GIVE YOU THIS.

MY HISTORY TEACHER WANTS 15.

TODAY?

UH-HUH.

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS WAIT TILL THE LAST MINUTE

TO TELL ME? I'VE GOT A LIFE, TOO.

SORRY. WHAT SHOULD I DO... JUMP OFF A BRIDGE?

YEAH. TAKE YOUR BROTHER AND SISTER WITH YOU.

YOU DIDN'T BRUSH YOUR TEETH.

WE DON'T HAVE TIME.

WE'LL MISS THE BUS.

HEY, YOU.

BYE.

BYE.

BYE.

QUICK. THEY'RE GONE. CHANGE THE LOCKS.

WHAT IS IT?

I REALLY DON'T WANT TO PICK.

WHAT?

I CAN'T STAND PEOPLE LEAVING TOAST CRUMBS

ON THE BUTTER.

WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?

YOU DON'T LIKE PEOPLE LEAVING JELLY

IN THE PEANUT BUTTER JAR.

THAT'S SICKENING.

SAME THING.

IS NOT.

'FRAID SO.

OH, ALL RIGHT. HERE.

NICE FRESH BUTTER. KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.

I LOVE YOU, DARLIN'.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

SAVE ME THAT DETERGENT COUPON.

BECKY!

DAN.

WHAT?

THE SINK'S BACKED UP AGAIN.

I'LL PLUNGE IT AFTER BREAKFAST.

DON'T PLUNGE IT. FIX IT.

YOU GOT IT, BABE.

YOU GOT TO FIX IT TODAY.

ABSOLUTELY.

MY BOOK BAG FELL APART.

I BOUGHT IT YESTERDAY.

PLEASE, TAKE IT BACK.

I'LL DO IT AFTER WORK.

THANKS.

BYE!

GOODBYE.

COULD YOU MEET WITH DARLENE'S TEACHER TODAY?

NO. I'M BIDDING ON A JOB.

IF I GET IT, CONSTRUCTION STARTS THIS AFTERNOON.

COULD YOU FIT EXCHANGING THIS BOOK BAG INTO YOUR TIGHT SCHEDULE?

EITHER THAT OR FIX THE SINK.

OK. FIX THE SINK.

I'LL DO EVERYTHING ELSE, LIKE I ALWAYS DO.

I'LL HAVE TO GET OFF WORK AN HOUR EARLY,

LOSE AN HOUR'S PAY,

REARRANGE MY WHOLE SCHEDULE.

BUT I DON'T MIND.

ARE YOU EVER SORRY WE GOT MARRIED?

EVERY SECOND OF MY LIFE.

ME, TOO.

YOU ARE, REALLY?

NAH.

OK. ME, NEITHER, THEN.

OK.

HEY, WHO WOULD YOU HAVE MARRIED

IF YOU DIDN'T MARRY ME?

ROSIE.

COME ON. WHO?

NO ONE.

I'M SURE YOU WOULDN'T.

WHO?

JUST TELL ME. I WON'T GET MAD.

I KNOW. BETH WINCHESTER.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

JUST TELL ME THE TRUTH.

I SWEAR I WON'T GET MAD.

JUST TELL.

JOSEPHINE CARTER.

JOESPHINE CARTER... THAT OLD SLUT?

SHE HAD GREAT TOES.

TOES?

SHE USED TO SIT THERE AND CROSS HER LEGS,

AND DANGLE HER SHOE OFF THE END OF HER TOE.

IT DROVE ME CRAZY.

YOU WOULD'VE MARRIED HER FOR THAT?

YES, MA'AM.

WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU?

WELL, THE MORNING I WAS GOING TO PROPOSE,

I TOOK HER TO THIS LITTLE COFFEE SHOP...

A QUIET, OUT-OF-THE-WAY PLACE.

JUST AS I WAS ABOUT TO POP THE QUESTION,

SHE SMEARED TOAST CRUMBS ALL OVER HER BUTTER.

I GOT UP. I LEFT.

I DIDN'T EVEN PAY THE CHECK.

YOU THINK YOU'RE PRETTY CUTE, DON'T YOU?

PRETTY MUCH.

IT'S NOT AN EMPLOYEE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BEAT IT TO GET IT TO WORK.

THANK YOU.

I GOT TO GET OFF AN HOUR EARLY TODAY.

I CAN'T DO IT.

WE'RE 200 CASES BEHIND ON THAT GELMAN ORDER.

BUT I GO TO, BOOKER.

IT'S REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT.

YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND MY POSITION.

YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND MINE.

I GOT TO TALK TO MY KID'S TEACHER.

ROSEANNE,

HERE AT WELLMAN PLASTICS,

WE ARE A TEAM.

I'D LIKE TO MAKE US A WINNING TEAM.

ALL PLAYERS ARE EQUALLY IMPORTANT.

RUNNING BACKS EQUAL PULLING GUARDS.

PULLING GUARDS...

YEAH. I GOT IT.

IT'S LIKE A BIG OLD QUILTING BEE.

A WHAT?

WHERE ALL THE BAREFOOT WOMEN ON THE PRAIRIE

GET TOGETHER AND ALL STITCH

ONE REALLY INCREDIBLE QUILT.

NO ONE PATCH IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY OTHER PATCH.

UH-HUH?

THE WOMAN SEWING THIS PATCH HAS TO GET OFF AN HOUR EARLY.

LOOK, ROSEANNE...

I'M LOOKING. GIVE ME A BREAK.

I'LL GIVE YOU HALF AN HOUR.

IT'S COMING OUT OF YOUR CHECK.

WELL, THERE GOES THE PORSCHE.

BOOKER, CAN I HAVE...

NO.

CARA DE BURRO.

DO WE HAVE ANY ACTUAL SUGAR?

I GOT SOME.

YAY. THANKS.

BOOKER GIVING YOU A HARD TIME?

NO, HE'S GIVING ME THAT OLD FOOTBALL SPEECH.

YEAH, THE RUNNING BACKS

ARE NO MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE PULLING GUARDS.