Toxic Shark

Come on, slowpoke!

-Is that all you've got? -Hey, hey!

-Come on. -Hey!

I told you, you have to master one.

Yeah, blame it on the engine...

Hey, wait up!

Alright, alright, you win.

I'm sorry. What? I didn't hear.

I said, you win.

-This is a bad idea. -Yes, it is.

No, really. We've been gone too long.

What are you worried about?

Your sister isn't going to think anything is going on.

Look, this has been fun

but this karma is going to come back

and bite us in the ass, man.

Fine, we'll head back, but...

One more time?

And that's it.

-Deal? -Unbelievable.

Yeah. Let's do it.

Hey, Maggie, watch this! Yeah!

Vince! Vince!

Vince!

Vince!

-Vince! -Help, Maggie, help!

My God. What happened?

-Maggie. -You okay?

Here, take my arm. Here.!

Maggie?

Maggie!

TOXIC SHARK

Subrip: Pix

Hola, mamacita.

And you thought this was gonna be a bad idea.

No, this is a bad idea.

This place looks like the first episode

of one of those horrible dating shows.

Come on, man, you said you wanted to do something

to get your mind off your ex.

Plus, none of us ever liked her, anyway.

-She was toxic. -A singles' retreat though, man?

I was thinking, like, Vegas or Tijuana even.

Vegas is where you met Eden, stupid.

No! No Vegas trip.

This is Puerto Rico, baby!

I can't believe you're bitchin' about this.

Do you know how long it took me to save up for this trip?

The phone company does not give out Christmas bonuses.

Really, this coming from the guy

who hasn't paid a phone bill in, what, eight years?

Well, you fix the lines, you don't pay the fines.

-I've never heard that before. -What're you guys talking about?

I mean, look at this place. This place is beautiful!

Yo, anyway, let's unload. Yeah, I need to hit the gym.

My pecs are feeling kinda soft from the travel?

There's no gym, dum-dum.

The only thing soft on this island is your brain.

Wait, what? You said this was a fitness retreat.

It's a off-the-grid, rugged, campsite thingy, man

just like we did when we were Boy Scouts

but with girls, snorkels and girls.

How'd I get talked into this again?

Look, brah, girls and boats, your two favorite things.

And if you're lucky, you're bound to go down on one of 'em.

Yeah, bro!

Whatever. Let's check in. It's reality-show time.

Hey, think of it this way?

It's a way to get your mind off of, what's her name?

Eden. My ex-girlfriend's name is Eden, Ryan.

-Yeah. -Good job.

Hi there.

Watch your step.

This place is beautiful!

-I like your shirt. -Thanks. We sell them.

-Did you get the catalog? -Yeah.

You know, the guys in here just got lucky

now that you girls arrived.

Great line.

Come on, Eden, he's charming.

Yeah, yeah. Charming.

Alright. You girls are in the Gutanna group.

Your cabin is just north over the hill.

Gutanna group? Do we get color-coded buffs, too?

Like, on "Survivor?" No?

Am I the only one that still watches that show?

Yeah.

You know, this place is run by Reese.

He's like a fitness superstar.

Yeah, we read about that on the website.

When are we gonna eat?

-I don't know. -I'm hungry.

But we got a chef from New York.

He's really good.

-Here? -Yeah, here.

Just settle in, and in an hour there's gonna be lunch.

It's gonna be, like, fresh crab, mango kale salad

and something else. I don't know.

What else is on the menu?

I think this might be a good time to mention

that I'm allergic to shellfish

and pretty much anything else from the sea.

Perfect.

Hey, you sure I can't convince you

to hang out for a couple of days?

Listen, you like golf, right?

Puerto Rico's got some of the most gorgeous

golf courses in all the country.

You know, another inspector might think

you were trying to bribe me, Reese.

That would mean I have something to hide

but I passed, right? I passed. So what's the problem?

The problem is the numerous complaints by former guests

reporting sudden illnesses after staying at your...

Come on, that's a bunch of BS.

Listen, like I said, we offer a highly intensive

physical and spiritual package.

Sometimes the body is not used to a jolt like that.

Listen, getting sick for a few days is just part of it.

-Whatever you say. -They'll recover.

Here. Take this.

-What's this for? -Water-testing kit.

Better for you to be prepared when you start hearing

from the lawyers, I'd test the seawater

every morning if I was you, before anyone goes swimming.

Let's go.

Have a nice trip.

-Reese, come in. You there? -Yeah.

You got the lunch figured out for today?

No, Damiano and Gregory

are supposed to be working on that.

-If you say so. -Okay.

Look at this, man. You see this?

All my nets are ripped to shreds.

I'm just gonna try it over there one more time.

I don't get it.

This is the third net today already.

-That's messed up. -Yeah, this ocean stinks, man.

I'm telling you, man, it's the same thing all over again.

And what's the smell?

I mean, is it you, me?

I can't even tell anymore if it's a fish.

-Geez. -Well, it's not me.

I mean, if you showered more than once, maybe...

Come on, Greg. Shut up.

I used to be a chef in New York, you know?

This is useless, man. We're not gonna catch anything here.

I cook the fish, I'm not supposed to be, like

ass-deep in this ocean tryin' to catch them.

A week ago, all this area was full of fish

and right now, what, they flew south or something?

-I don't know. -You know, it's just like...

-What the hell? -What?

I stepped on a sea urchin or something.

I'm done with this. You know what? I'm done!

-What the hell, man? That's it! -Dude, what are we cooking?

You know what? Make some tuna salad.

I'm done. I'm not getting paid enough for this crap.

You know? That's it. I'm going.

Come on, help me! Greg!

Hey, come on! Help! My eyes! It burns!

Come on, help!

Do your phones work? I have no signal.

It was working fine in San Juan.

Well, we are on a small island in the middle of nowhere.

Bummer, you won't get to read your nerd books

on your Kindle app while we're on vacation.

I wouldn't mind being able to post selfies, though.

Books, I downloaded earlier. You should try reading sometime.

-Hey, city girls. -You guys wanted to disconnect.

We are disconnected.

I wanted you to stop checking to see

if he texted every ten seconds.

No, it's, it's, it's over this time.

-It's done. Over. -It's fine.

We were just making sure.

Yeah, and anyway, you're like a crazy nature girl.

You should love this place.

Take a hike in the rain forest

get some samples for your whatever.

I study environmental science.

-Exactly. -God.

This place is like a tropical Tinder island.

Yeah.

Like the saying goes, "The best way to get over a guy

is to get under another one."

Seriously? Who says that?

And that's exactly what we're gonna do.

By the end of the week, you'll have completely

forgotten about that loser. You didn't even like him anyway.

Okay, well, you constantly bringing him up

isn't helping anything.

So how about you, Audra? You could use a little loosening up.

I'm loose, so loose and... I'm super-loose, guys...

Okay, you should probably stop saying that.

-Those guys look so... -Fab?

-Fab and... -Dumb.

It's not like you have to start a book club with them.

Domino, Gregory.

Domino, Gregory, come in.