The Hand of God (È stata la mano di Dio)

I did what I could. I don't think I did so badly.

The best soccer player of all time

NETFLIX PRESENTS

THE HAND OF GOD

Hi, Patrizia.

That's me. Who are you?

What do you mean, who am I?

I'm San Gennaro.

- How do you know my name? - I told you, I'm San Gennaro.

You're waiting for the 412 bus, right?

It'll never come, you could be waiting for hours.

You want a ride?

We can take you home if you like, Luigino Serra and I.

A pleasure, Luigino Serra.

No, thanks. I'll take the bus.

Hmm. You can't have children, can you?

Get in.

On the way, I'll explain how you can have a child with your husband... Franco.

Let's go, Luigino.

Where are we going?

We're stopping by my house, so I can explain it better to you.

Oh, Jesus!

The Little Monk!

Yes, that's him all right, the Little Monk.

Come here, Little Monk.

Now, Patrizia, bend over

and kiss the Little Monk's head. For good luck.

There!

Now you can have all the children you want,

my pretty Patrizia.

It's 10 p.m. Where've you been?

Wait...

You won't believe it, but the bus was two hours late.

You did it again.

You did it again?

Whore!

Come over here!

I'll bash your head in!

- Letch! - Whore! Whore!

Come here!

You locked the door?

C'mon, I'm not gonna hurt you.

I'm not gonna hurt you!

I'm not gonna hurt you!

Open up! Open up!

Hurry, Marì, Franco wants to kill me.

- Slow down, sweetie. - Don't worry, Mama.

I'm falling off!

What happened?

The whore did it again.

She was turning tricks again!

That's not true! I met San Gennaro.

He took me to the Little Monk, he's the one who gave me the money.

He told me that I can get pregnant now.

That's why I was late.

Piece of shit! I did it for you!

Saverio, did you see my sister has a bloody nose?

Go get a wet cloth.

You can knock it off as well.

Marì, I swear to God. It was the Little Monk.

Patrizia, please, stop.

Whore!

Whore!

Whore!

I'll go talk to him.

Whore, whore and whore!

Franco, you gotta stop.

She's a whore.

She's not a whore. She's sick, even the psychiatrist said so.

Being childless sent her over the edge.

- She's depressed. - She's a whore.

But Uncle, um...

what if she really saw the Little Monk?

Keep saying crap like that and you'll flunk out of school.

The baroness is such a drag.

Mama, have you ever seen the baroness's house?

Sure, when her husband was alive, I went often.

But after he died, she doesn't let anyone in.

- What's the house like? - Weird.

And her husband?

Signor Attilio, a good man, a famous gynecologist.

She treated him like a doormat.

She'd only let him go out for 20 minutes on Saturdays.

She'd fill out the gambling slip and he'd go place the bet.

Fabiè, wake up your brother. He's got university.

Marchino, get up. You've gotta go to class.

- Daniela, out. - No.

Come out, I gotta go to work, and Fabietto's gotta go to school.

No.

- Is your brother up? - No, he was out till four.

- What are you doing? - Cutting my nails.

- Can't you cut them in your room? - No.

- Where do you get that cockiness from? - From you!

Papa, you think Maradona will come?

No way, he'd never leave Barcelona for this shithole.

He won't come!

See? Your sister even learns stuff locked in that bathroom.

A little bird tells me you're building a chalet in Roccaraso.

A chalet! More like a two-room condo.

With a yard! You're making good money.

My late husband wanted a house in the mountains.

I told him he'd end up in a dumpster if he did something so foolish.

Humanity is dreadful, didn't they tell you?

No, nobody told me anything.

Have you met your sister-in-law's boyfriend?

- We will on Sunday, in Agerola. - Agerola's such a shithole.

- The air is clean. - All shitholes have clean air.

Is that Baroness Focale?

- She looks just like John Paul II. - You're right.

But the Pope is sexier.

Let me see. You look good. I like it.

Bye.

- Goodbye, sweetie. - Bye.

Your neighbor went to that wedding on Saturday.

How was it?

The way she tells it, it was like Charles and Diana's.

"Incredible, enchanting, elegant, captivating."

- Nice! - Nice? Vulgar is more like it.

A wedding on Procida Island? Just imagine.

I could understand Capri, but Procida...

I don't believe her, but she says that Franco Zeffirelli was there.

He kissed her hand and said, "What a beautiful lady!"

- Why don't you believe her, Baroness? - Zeffirelli bats for the other team.

Imagine him kissing that ghastly Graziella!

- You really dislike her. - She and her whole family put on airs.

Just because they're from the north of Italy.

Those dimwits think they're Austro-Hungarian!

We're from the Kingdom of Naples!

- Don't make fun of me. - Oh Madonna! Just a second.

What's she doing?

Let's go.

Lovey-dovey nonsense!

My husband liked that too, but I told him in rhyme,

"Attiliuccio, let me be clear, I'm a drill sergeant, dear."

- I'm going. I'm bored. - I'll bring your lunch?

Leave it at my door and tap the broom five times.

Bye.

See ya.

Do you need to make a confession?

Antò, can you see them?

- Not yet, Uncle. - Fly, Dieghito...

- Piece of shit. - Stop!

Piece of shit!

Would you pass me the peaches in wine?

Look at your mama. She's goading Signora Gentile.

She likes making her say bad words.

Everybody knows Signora Gentile is the meanest woman in Naples.

And who's got her as an in-law? Me.

- Is she cold? - No, she's just showing off her fur coat.

You're dripping all over yourself.

Fuck off!

Why don't you come join us?

Because you people are trash!

What pleasantries is Signora Gentile saying?

In a most poetic outburst,

she says she holds us all in the highest regard.

Why didn't Daniela come?

She was in the bathroom. We waited for her for two hours.

- Auntie, can you juggle the oranges? - Of course, sweetheart!

Auntie Maria! Auntie Maria!

Auntie Maria! Auntie Maria!

- Go, Maria! - Oh...

She never stops.

Oh...

How the heck does she do it?

Uncle Alfredo's wife is here.

- Austera! - The scientist has arrived!

Will you stop being an asshole?

Austera, don't pay any attention to him.

- Everything okay? - My spleen's acting up.

- Did you go for a jog? - I've never jogged in my life.

What are you working on in your mysterious lab?

You won't believe it, but my team and I

are close to finding the cure for cancer.

Nennè, you didn't even try the bell peppers.

Of course not, I'm doing "Witch Watch."

What's that?

She means Weight Watchers.

She's already lost almost 8 pounds.

Lose another 130 to match Pavarotti's weight!

Shut the hell up.

Don't listen to her.

Riccardino, can you see them?

Not yet, Uncle.

- Antò, see anything? - Not a thing.

Have any of you seen our sister's boyfriend?

Luisella says he's handsome.

I highly doubt that.

Our sister's always been butt-ugly and a real idiot.

Please, even if you don't like him, don't start with your crap.

Luisella is 42. Who knows how she found this moron.

"Lucean carriere zitellesche innanzi," said the great poet.

It's his classical education, can't you tell?

- You look great, Mammì . - Fuck off!

Here I am. Did you miss me?

- Ooh... - Terribly!

Austera, have you found a cure for Geppino?

There's no hope for him.

How's the watermelon? My veterinarian friend gave it to me.

- Be honest, though. - It's good.