South Park

Synchro: arrow, mpm

South Park 12x14 - The Ungroundable -

Mkay, so now the computer will type a command bar.

Mkay, and we type in

"x" equal "y" plus one.

Mkay, and then it says we hit command "y"

to bring up the menu screen.

Oh, man. You've got to be kidding me.

Goddamn japs are everywhere.

Mkay, now, right click on menu item "equate all"

and type in input "y".

- Dude. Are you on America's side? - No, I'm on the Japanese side.

Who just shot me?

Mkay, let's see. A right click in the upper right...

But then what the hell...

Mkay, kids. I'm gonna need to get some clarification on this.

Just keep entering the calculations. I'll be right back.

Oh, dude! I wish I had a real flame-thrower.

It works awesome on japs!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Stan, we have got a big problem!

- Dude, what? - There's vampires in the school!

- What? - Vampires! I seen 'em!

Dude! Who's using the flak jacket cheat?

Not a cheat if you rank up!

There's a vampire on the loose.

Then Katie Gelson was hanging out with him. And now she's a vampire, too!

There's no such thing as vampires.

But there is! You guys gotta believe me!

First, there was just a couple, but now it's like they're growing.

They have fangs and drink blood and everything!

All right. You go document the vampires' movements

- so we know what their intentions are. - Really? You think that's best?

- Yeah, now get outta here. - All right!

If I don't make it back, tell my mom what happened to me.

You got powned, bébé . You jap bitch!

Isn't this cool? This time of day nobody's in the gym.

We should make this one of our official South Park vampire's club hangouts.

That's an awesome new coat, Mike. Looks totally badass.

Don't call me Mike. My name is Vampir now.

- Oh, that's cool. - I'm gonna change my name to Vladimir.

You can't. It's too close to Vampir.

12:32 p.m.

Vampires meeting in the school gymnasium.

Leader appears to be a fifth grader.

You know that girl Bella in "twilight"? I think I'm like her.

I'm a psi vampire. Do you like these sparkles I got?

Annie Bartlett is a psi vampire.

I'm more a sanguinarian vampire.

In that I rely more on the life force energy, per se.

I'm gonna be a hybrid vampire.

Both psi and sanguinarian.

That's Ryan Ellis. Looks like they've gotten to him, too.

Lunchtime's almost over. Should we drink some more blood?

Cool!

In that I think it's time for us to feed, per se.

Oh, God. I think they're gonna drink blood now!

They've got some kind of chalice and they're...

It's the Big Texas Butters show!

And now here is Big Texas Butters!

Why howdy there, partners!

I'm Big Texas Butters and this here's my horse toast.

Happy trails

to you!

What are you doing?

Get back! You stay back!

The body of Christ compels you! The body of Christ compels you!

That kid was really scared of us. That's true, Bloodrayne.

People are going to be frightened of us because they don't understand

- our ways, per se. - Yeah, we're cool!

What the hell are those kids doing?

Why are they dressing like that all of a sudden?

Are they trying to be goth?

They're vamp.

They wear plastic fangs and drink freakin' clamato juice.

But they can't dress like that. That's our style!

Tommy Petros is thinking he might wanna be a vamp kid, too.

- Tommy Petros, is he cool? - Yeah, he's cool enough.

All right.

So all of a sudden you Justin and Britney wannabes think

it's cool to dress like us?

We dress the way our souls feel. To express the darkness, per se.

Aren't you Mike McKowski?

That's Vampir McKowski now.

You kids need to all go put your freaking banana republic clothes

back on right now.

We're just as dark as you guys. Maybe darker.

Really. Do you guys even smoke?

Of course not. Smoking's bad for you.

Yeah!

Oh, my God.

You know, you guys are really giving off a negative human energy.

We prefer to take our darkness somewhere else, per se.

All right, count fagula. You go do that.

Mom! Mom, I gotta tell you something! You're not gonna believe it!

Not now. Your father wants to have a talk with you in the kitchen.

He is not happy.

What I'd do this time?

You just march on in there.

Oh, jeez.

You see this, Butters.

It's a glass of milk I poured for myself.

And you see this?

It's hamburger helper.

Now, would you mind telling me what hamburger helper is doing

in this glass of milk?

Why is hamburger helper in a glass of milk, Butters?

I have no idea, sir.

I'll tell you why!

Our pantry is always kept organized alphabetically.

But somebody put the hamburger helper

where the nestle quick is supposed to go!

I'm sorry, dad. It's just I've been really preoccupied lately.

- See, there's these kids at school... - What keeps a family together?

A well-organized pantry.

That's right!

If you keep putting food back under the wrong letter,

it all goes wrong!

Now you will reorganize this entire pantry and you will do it right.

Okay, but dad, you gotta listen to me.

Kids at school are starting to change.

You do it right now or you're going to be grounded.

You got that?

Yes, sir.

Jeez.

Nobody will even listen to me.

It's like nobody even cares there's vampires at the school.

I try to help and all I ever do is get hollered at.

I'll bet vampires never get hollered at.

Vampires just get to do whatever they want.

All mortals share a soft repose.

My soul doth dreadful vigils keep,

more keen than which hell scarcely knows.

What is that kid doing?

Oh, Jesus. Oh, God. Butters, what are you doing?

I'm Butters.

So?

Oh, creatures of the night, I seek audience to engage with thee

in unholy darkness and thus do,

and thus do unto your bidding.

What?

I wanna be a vampire.

You're not cool enough to be one of us.

Yeah, I know.

But... I think I would make a really good vampire if you just...

just give me the opportunity.

We'll think about it.

Go get us some sodas out of the pop machine in the commons.

- Anything else? - I want some cheetos.

Sodas and cheetos! I'll be right back.

Where'd it go?

- You see where it went? - It's right over there by those vampire kids.

What?

We aren't vampire kids, we're freaking goth!

Whatever, Dracula. Why don't you turn into a bat or something?

So lame.

So... lame.

You guys, I do not want to be grouped in

with the douchy little vampire kids.

So lame.

See? Isn't it cool back here? It's all dark and isolated.

This would be a great place for a vampire meeting!

Get out of our space, you little twerps!

More preppy straight-A students turning into vampires.

What the hell is going on?

I've done what you asked.

A case of Dr. Pepper and cherry twizzlers.

Who are you gonna give this to? I mean, vampires can't eat people food.

You have done well.

Are you ready to become one of us, per se?

Yeah, I guess.

Are you sure? Because once you're in South Park vampire society,

you can't ever leave.

I'm sick of being pushed around.

By my dad, by kids at school.

Then it is time for your transformation, per se.

Let it begin!

This way. Prepare thyself.

And now you shall drink vampire blood

and your transformation will be complete, per se.

With this thy transformation is done!

That tastes awful!

It is finished!

Welcome, Butters, to the South Park society of vampires.

There you are! Do you know what time it is?

Where have you been?

What have you done to your hair?

We are talking to you!