Clipped

All right, thanks for lunch, hon.

I'll -- I'll see you at home.

- That's it? - Well...

Aren't you gonna tell them the good news?

What? Tell us what?

My mother died.

Um...Yay?

For 40 years, I had to call Buzzy my roommate.

And now that she's gone,

my roommate can finally make an honest woman out of me.

Oh, my god. You guys...

Buzzy put a ring on it.

Buzzy promised that once she passed that he'd propose.

And after that house landed on her

and her little legs curled up, he did.

A promise is a promise.

All right, see you at home.

- Okay. - Yep.

Okay, somebody kill me.

What's the matter, Buzz? You don't want to get gay-married?

Or, as a human would say it, "get married."

We're fine now, but it's important to Tommy, so...

If you don't want to get married,

you definitely shouldn't do it.

- Ah, it's fine. - Oh.

You're worried that getting married

will make you lose interest in each other -- sexually.

No.

My blood can barely make it to my heart.

Well, I think it's wonderful,

and that's coming from someone who just stopped believing

all gay people were going to hell a year and a half ago.

Thank you, Joy.

Hey, Ben, uh, I was wondering

if I could have the ceremony in here.

Tommy wants to do it this weekend, and the price is right.

Well, we haven't really discussed prices yet, so...

Because it's obviously free,

you horrible, small man.

Fine. All right.

You can have your gay wedding in my shop.

Again, just "wedding."

Ooh! We could have the bachelor party on the roof!

I'll plan the whole thing, and I'll do it on a shoestring.

I planned my own wedding, you know.

Joy, let me help you out with that.

No, it's okay. I can handle this little thing.

I'm not really... Convinced of that.

You know, your wedding, you got a little, uh...

How can I put this?

Bat-shit crazy?

Yeah.

I did not get bat-swear crazy.

I pulled off a wedding with 300 guests

and a five-course dinner and three dozen live doves.

Which were released into a church with 15 ceiling fans.

That was what it sounds like when doves cry.

All right.

Ooh. One chair.

Hard to have a business meeting in here.

Maybe we should have it next door at Travis'.

No, we can't have a business meeting

at a tattoo parlor, all right?

My office is fine. It's absolutely fine.

Um...Let's -- yeah. All right. Here.

Travis, you sit over here, buddy.

Come on. Right there. Let me just get by you.

Okay.

Uh, I'll sit at my desk, obviously.

And then, Mo, there's plenty of room behind me.

Nice office, Ben. One question.

If we're here, where are all the mops?

All right, so, Travis,

you called this meeting so we could --

okay. Mo, what is this? A fed-ex office?

I can feel your package up against my elbow.

I'm sorry. It's a small office even without the mops.

Yeah, well, tuck it in or something, all right?

I feel like I'm leaning against a dog toy.

Back it up. Back it up.

Feel like it's about to squeak or something.

All right, so, um --

Sorry. Sorry.

I told you not to put the marbles in there.

Come on. Let's hurry it up.

- Hurry it up. - Got it, got it, got it.

I want to merge our businesses, all right?

We can connect my tattoo parlor with this barbershop,

and all we have to do is tear down the wall between our shops.

Look, Travis, there's clearly crossover

between your clientele,

but there would need to be blueprints --

Mo. Excuse me.

I'm handling this.

I mean, obviously, there'd need to be blueprints, and...

Yeah, you'd need to get the, uh, owner of the building

to sign off and the city --

Mo. Excuse me.

You know what, Travis?

Could you give us some privacy for a second?

Sure.

Psst.

Charmaine, what are you thinking of wearing to Buzzy's wedding?

These clothes and this expression.

Why are you the only person who's not excited about this?

I just don't get why they have to get married.

They already have a good thing going. Why ruin it?

What do you have against marriage?

It's just an outdated tradition

kept alive by white girls with wedding-themed pinterest pages.

No offense.

Ha! You think I have one of those?

Yeah, right.

If I did, it would just be as a joke.

You know I'm only kidding with that page, right?

Eight pins is not that serious.

Fine. But you heard the man -- he doesn't want to get married.

Why you piping in with all this negativity, Mo? Huh?

You're supposed to be my hype man, all right?

I'm biggie smalls. You're P. Diddy.

I was just offering my opinion.

Yeah, well, that's not what Diddy does, all right?

Biggie raps. Diddy encourages him.

"Yeah. Uh-huh.

That's right. That's right."

Well, sure, but Diddy went on

to be very successful in his own right.

I mean, Sean John dominated the urban jeans market for years.

Yeah, when biggie was dead, all right?

By all means, when I'm gone,

spread your wings, make your jeans, okay?

But until then, I need you to have my back.

- Okay? - Yeah.

- Are we cool? - Uh-huh.

You got my back?

That's right, that's right.

You know, Travis, these blueprints aren't half bad.

Blueprints?

It's lipstick on a napkin.

And how can a tattoo artist be so terrible at drawing?

Lipstick isn't my medium.

I feel like you see my vision but he doesn't.

It doesn't matter. I'm in charge around here.

Look, let me take a look at these some more, all right?

And then we'll have a drink later.

Right on. All right.

I'll be at the silver cougar in Wellesley.

All the finery is over 50.

How is that hot?

Desperation and gratitude

is a potent mixture, mi amigo.

Adios!

What?

I don't like where this thing with Travis is going.

Okay. Come here, buddy. Come on. Come sit next to me.

Come sit next to Benny. Come on.

Pop a squat.

Pop a squat.

Mo?

Look at me.

There he is.

Look, I know what's going on here, all right?

Travis and I are connecting as businessmen,

and -- and -- and that threatens you

because you think we're gonna become friends.

But, hey, I understand. I understand.

But listen to me.

I would never let anyone change our friendship.

Okay?

You will always be the Robin to my Batman.

I'm not mad about Travis.

I'm mad about you.

You always treat me like a sidekick.

Oh, come on. That's not true.

"Robin"? "P. Diddy"?

The other day, you said you were Sherlock

and called me your Lucy liu.

Well, that's a compliment. She steals the show.

I am sick of being treated like a number two!

Double meaning intended!

It's been like this since grade school. You never listen to me.

All right, see, now you're being ridiculous.

Am I? Look at this thing with Travis.

Why won't you listen to anything I say?

Because I'm a businessman and you're a barber,

and that came out wrong.

And there it is.

Good to know that's what you think of me.

Okay. Look, look, look. I've said something, all right?

And now you're getting emotional.

Do not treat me like a hysterical wife.

I am not a hysterical wife!

Mo, you want to sit down, and we can talk about Th--

I'm not talking to you anymore, Benjamin Hershel Grossman!!

And do not call me, 'cause I will not pick up!

Mo, we've been over this. The door -- it doesn't --

it doesn't slam!

Okay, please start making your way to the roof,

and do not make me ask you again,

because I'm up to my ass in wedding prep.