New Girl

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Jess, why couldn't you marry me?

Oh, I don't know.

You know. No, I-I don't know.

It's Nick.

I... love you.

You love me? I love you.

I love you, too.

Wow, that feels so good to say.

I now pronounce you

husband and...

I'm booking a ticket. A ticket?

Yeah, Reagan is going to New Orleans for work

for three months and she asked me to go with her.

And I'm gonna do it.

Damn it! This is an alert?

I did not need to know that the Riblet sandwich is back.

How long does it take to respond to a house offer?

Breathe, okay? We will find out about the house

when we find out about the house.

You're right. All right.

You're right. Okay. We're fine. We're fine.

We're fine, we're fine.

I'm so excited! We're finally getting a house!

As I was saying, I never felt love like this.

I really miss your lips on mine.

Babe, it's just a two month FBI training program.

I had a major breakthrough this week.

I perfected my "keep vamping,

we've almost traced the call" gesture.

Oh, wow, really?

Well, you know, we've had some breakthroughs of our own

over here, too.

You know, I got to say, your sister

is really coming into her own as a real estate agent.

In fact, I think she may have found a house

for Schmidt and Cece.

That's amazing!

Oh, thank you so much for looking out for Leslie.

It means the world to me.

Well, would you describe yourself as, I don't know,

owing me?

'Cause I will take my repayment in the form of...

What the hell is that noise?

Jess? For Pete's sake.

What is that infernal racket? Hey, I was just making some table legs.

But if it's too loud,

I can table them for later.

This whole summer, you've been doing one activity

after another.

The urban corn harvest.

Learning Portuguese.

You joined that SoulShred gym and got scary ripped.

Oh.

What is going on with you?

Okay. All right.

She's a badass, that is what is going on with her.

Woodworking is awesome.

Okay, woodworking is insane.

It's woodturning, but go on. Honey, do you think that

any of these hobbies have anything to do with...

With Nick? Nicholas Miller?

That ole turkey burger? Yeah.

He's in New Orleans with his perfect girlfriend.

And I'm fine. Okay.

Actually, I'm doing great.

Okay. I moved past him.

I-I-I'm over him.

Just checking.

I'm moving forward. Cool.

Or as they say in Portuguese,

Empurrando para a frente.

Which technically means "thrusting forward."

It's a very sexual language.

Honey.

We got the house.

We got the house!

Leslie, I can't believe you pulled this off.

Every morning I just Google "house"

and sometimes stuff comes up.

Guys, look at us.

You guys are married.

Winston, you're in love,

Nick's in a serious relationship of his own,

and I am a truly excellent friend.

Why are you looking at my house?

Hello, sir, how are you?

We're the ones who are buying your home.

I'm not selling my house.

What?

Oh, maybe that's why there's no sign.

Maybe I got the address wrong.

I mean... What are you ta... how did we get into the house?

We walked through it three times. What?

What? What? Oh, that's a mistake.

- Why would you do that? - Oh!

He's got a bat!

Oh, my God, the car's the other way!

I'm sorry, sir.

All right, I'm taking charge.

Winston, Leslie has to go. No!

She's the worst real estate agent of all time.

Aly and I just went long distance.

I can't tell her that you fired her little sister.

This is a delicate situation for our relationship.

Please, Jess.

Why are you ask... why are you asking Jess?

And, Jess, why are you inserting yourself into this?

If anyone's inserting themself, it's Winston.

He's like a tongue at a seventh grade birthday party.

Okay, look, fine, can I at least be the one

to break the news to her?

Yes, you may.

Thank you, Jess.

It is so great to know Yeah.

Who your real friends are. Yeah.

Get off the sofa. Yeah.

Go check on your cat.

Look, we'll find a place, okay?

I didn't like that house that much anyway.

I just can't be married,

living with roommates.

Well, hey!

Well, I hope you saved some for Furguson.

'Cause you forgot yesterday.

No!

No!

Look at our wedding photo.

I want to hang our wedding photo

in our house.

I want to start our lives together. I know.

Guys, we are in this together.

We're just gonna have to find a house ourselves.

I need a project now that my table's almost done.

I'll be your real estate agent.

I've already found, like, five open houses today.

Like, this one is a fixer-upper,

but don't judge a house by its smoke damage.

Okay, babe, this was a crime scene.

Yeah, but that was months ago.

And it was drug thing, so there are no ghosts.

That's not how ghosts work. This is in your price range,

and it's, like, only five minutes from the loft.

I really think this is the best investment

of our money right now.

Okay, okay, okay. Okay.

Hey, babe?

I think we got this, okay? Yes.

We got this.

Actually, we, we got this.

Preach! We got this.

Jess, look at us for a second, the two of us, Cece and I.

We. Us.

We got this.

We got this. : All right.

Schmidt, bedrooms. Cece, bathrooms.

I'm gonna smell everything.

Bonjour! Crawdaddy's home, and he's ready to see his crawkids!

Who's home?

Schmidty, Jess?

Winston?

Winston's cat?

Fine. Cece?

The en suite is en fleek.

I love this house, too.

I poked my head in the shower.

Perfect, gentle, unrelenting pressure.

Like when my mom made me rehearse my haftarah portion.

I don't know, guys.

Lot of lost dog posters around.

Really sad neighborhood.

Also it's crazy expensive.

I'm the voice of reason,

that's why you brought me with.

We-we didn't bring you with.

You followed us here in your car. Okay.

She followed us the whole way. I know, I know.

Cece, I'm begging you, please tell her to go home.

Yeah, I know. We need to start setting some boundaries.

You know what, though? She's not wrong.

This place is way over our borrowing limit.

Damn it.

The only place that was even close was that...

Carpet house.

All right. We will ask for a bigger loan.

And It'll be tight, but we'll manage it. Okay.

Yeah, we can do it.

Look, we'll just make sacrifices. Yeah.

We'll pack our lunches. We'll cut out cup-on's.

It's coupons. Cup-ons, yeah.

No, you're saying cup-ons. Well, it's fine.

It's not important, we'll cut out cup-ons.

Coupons. But if we're gonna do this, we're gonna have to go to the bank now

because this house is gonna go like this, I know it.

Why is she talking to the realtor?

I will handle it, okay?

It's-it's tot... it's... Oh.

Jess?

I'm so sorry, do you mind if I just