Little Demon

The steak was dry, but that bellboy was looking moist.

Yeah, I never knew 12-packs were a real thing.

Ay, Chihuahua.

Wow, we really needed this vacay, huh?

- Ah, yeah, I just still feel really bad about our fight.

- Hey, what did we say? Not going to talk about it.

- Ah, Feinberg women forgive and forget.

Definitely the forget part.

Oh, fuck!

Tsunami!

We got to move!

Hold on, Chrissy. -

- Chrissy, no! - You did this.

- What? - This is your fault, Mom.

Chrissy, no.

I knew you would turn on me

and leave me drowning in a tsunami.

No!

Daddy to the rescue!

Chrissy! - Thanks, Dad. You're the best.

Mom, you suck!

Chrissy!

Chrissy. Chrissy.

No!

Ah!

Subconscious, you little bitch.

I'm getting Chrissy back.

- Laur? What the... Oh, no.

Did the carbon monoxide detector go off?

Been meaning to take the batteries out of that thing.

- Uh, I made a huge mistake. Chrissy can't stay with Satan.

There a chicken farm around here?

- Uh-uh. Laura, you cannot go get Chrissy.

24 hours ago, you tried to murder each other.

- Okay, okay. Then I'll just call her.

No! I gave you the keys to my beach house

so you could have some peace...

Lay on the beach, sun your taint, you know?

Get your ass up to the sun.

There's no better feeling in the whole world.

Chrissy said she needed space.

- And you need a break more than anyone.

And if you don't respect her boundaries just this once,

you could lose her forever.

Ah, fuck. Fine.

Walk your sand in the... in...

Walk your feet in the sand.

See how many footprints are left or whatever.

What the fuck was that?

- There, now I can't text or call Chrissy for 24 hours.

And if I try, my heart explodes,

and my soul gets trapped in this spider forever.

If you became a little spider gal,

I'd treat you just the same.

Have you met my cousins yet? They're a hoot and a half.

- Uh, yep. Apples don't fall far

from the Darlene family tree, that's for sure.

One time at Patty's Shrimp Hut,

we got so wasted off their cocktail-sauce martinis,

we set the place ablaze just to see the hot firemen.

What is that?

Anyway, see ya!

- Hey, there, neighbor! - Ah, shit!

What are you doing out here so early, Dorlene?

- It's the only time I could get my jog in

without these seagulls picking at my eczema.

Listen, I heard all about your mother-daughter blowout,

BT-dubs... yikes.

Yeah, yikes.

- I had a daughter once, so I totally get it.

Anyhoo, got to rake in those steps.

Oh, oh, and if you're game,

we do a bonfire every Friday night on the beach.

Bonfire Balaban we call it, after Bob Balaban.

Love Little Man Tate.

Ha ha. Okay, great.

I'd rather hang myself by my labia.

Sounds good.

Woo-hoo-hoo!

Holy shit!

[creature screeches, Chrissy shouts]

I am Khaleesi!

Ha ha!

Look at me now, Mom! I'm on a mother-jumping dragon!

- - Oh, sorry, Frances...

Cockatrice.

I'm on a mother-jumping cockatrice!

Whoo!

Cockatrice, ya bish!

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

- Little better than a pony ride.

- Goddamn that was awesome, Daddy-o.

Hey, Snakey, mix me up something sweet.

Surprise me, honey.

- Copo Copo Canyon's got cameras set up

like an amusement park.

I saved a couple of my faves. Check them out.

Freedom looks good on you, girl.

Ah, never felt so alive...

No dishes to deal with,

no dictator breathing down my neck.

- It's all chill here. Do whatevs you want.

- Sweet. I'm going to take a nap on a pile of slugs.

Take a lame-ass nap?

Come on, you spent your whole life on Earth with Pussolini.

Get back out there.

Meet some creatures your own age.

You got the whole M realm at your fingy-tips.

Blammo.

This is iSatan.

In case you get lost, some losers try to mess with you,

you fall in a toilet, just push, and, poof,

I, Satan, will appear. - Whoa.

And I can go anywhere? - Anywhere.

- Nothing's off-limits? - Not a thing.

- Not even GunsandMethlandia Plaza?

- I wouldn't start with that one, but the sky's the limit.

Now get out of here.

Come on, Frances, little girl.

Ya!

Catch ya later, Pop!

- Damn, I just got a major FOMO attack.

Snakey, grab that box of drugs I found on the corpse

of that goblin DJ.

Let's get queasy.

Oh, come on.

Tessa doesn't belong on reality TV.

- Are we really doing this, Laura?

Okay.

- Well, I think Rita is using Kenneth for his heliport

because he's been sleeping with Tessa since season five.

- Two episodes ago, her son got divorced.

She doesn't care about no heliport right now.

- Oh, my God, you made it. Grab a chair.

Oh, this is Laura, Darlene's friend.

This is Durlawn, Dirlane, and Dave.

- Hey. - Welcome, hon.

We're talking about Shit Wives of Myrtle Beach.

That reality show?

Didn't that get banned

for the insane amount of drunk driving?

- That and incest, and only in a few states.

Laura's here for a little R&R.

- Ah, you know who else apparently needed some R&R?

Heather Dombaco.

She lost her shit when she found out her husband

was getting his butt fingered at the gym,

and no one's seen her since.

- Wow, Shit Wives of Myrtle Beach gets wild.

That wasn't on Shit Wives.

Heather's from around here.

She went missing a couple of weeks ago.

Some think she went on a bender.

But if you ask me...

I know it was the sea hag.

- Jesus Christ. - It was only a matter of time.

- Here she goes again with the goddamn sea hag.

- Sea hag... Is that what you call

some old lady on the beach who stole your husband?

- Oh, no. Ethel and I are friends now.

Sea hag's a true beast from the sea.

She roams the beach searching for bodies to devour.

The sadder they are, the more likely to be eaten.

She feeds on loneliness and human flesh...

A horrid, repulsive creature.

Fishermen have gone missing, pets, children.

I've been hunting her for years,

but she always escapes me.

One day, just wait.

One day, just you wait.

Wait day one. Just wait one day, one...

- Durlawn's been using sea hag as an excuse

for why no one wants to stay at her inn for the past 20 years.

That's true. - Shut the fuck up, will you?

Hey, hey, hey.

- Well, actually, I did see something feeding

out on the jetty today,

but it was probably a seal or something.

I told you she's back.

The fucking sea hag's back.

Give me the spear gun, honey.

Who saw that coming? A mess.

- Well, I'm gonna go get incredibly high

and take a stroll... Good luck with all that.

Good night now. - Watch out out there!

Sea hag's gonna eat you. She eats babies, I tell ya!

- Are you... That fucking asshole is letting her...

Oh, God, and he ruined my high.

Fuck it. I'm reversing this spell.

- Whew, let's take a quick break here.

You need a number one, number two?

It all comes out of one place for birds, right?

That's cray.

Damn, girl, I am lost.

You lost?

- Uh... Me? No.

Exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Just taking a breather. Been going hard all day.