Sprung

What's going on with you and Jack?

Rooster told me you guys had a thing in prison.

Well, we just used to talk to each other through the toilet.

And turns out, he was lying to me the whole time.

I gotta say, I thought you were crazy, but you were right.

- Mm. - It feels good.

Yeah. Sure does.

What's your name?

Rooster.

Rooster. Exotic.

Don't be puttin' no toenails in there, tryin' to get a free dog again.

Nah, it's an engagement ring.

You need to make a choice.

Do you want a mother or whatever this trash calls herself?

I'm sorry.

You made your choice and you chose Mommy.

I love you, Wiggles Rosenstein.

Rooster.

That's a Claude van Woodson.

It's probably worth half a million dollars if we can get our hands on it.

What do you say, Jack? Crooked politician lying to the people while she cashes in?

Bad enough for ya?

See these security cameras inside her house?

We tap into her Wi-Fi and we get 24-hour surveillance inside her home.

And the house can air out all weekend while no one's here. I'm done!

They're goin' away for the weekend.

We're gonna be rich!

When do you think he'll be here?

Soon, I hope.

You were right, though.

A few days ago when you said

you were worried about someone screwin' this whole thing up.

Well, we still have time. There's no reason to panic.

Clock is tickin' on this thing, though.

I mean, figuratively.

It doesn't tick at all, does it?

Would you like to be accompanied when you go to the phone store?

Would you like to be accompanied when you go to the phone store?

Sure, I'll be down in a sec.

Whoa. Are you makin' a bomb?

It's a fizzy water machine.

I'll make you one, but be warned, I prefer my carbonation sharp.

Like the devil dancin' on my tongue.

Well, maybe later.

Gloria and I are gonna walk to the phone store.

If we're gonna hit the Congresswoman's house Saturday,

we're all gonna need to be able to communicate.

So it takes two people to go to the phone store, does it?

Is this a date?

No, it's not. I just wanted to see the inside of a phone store.

Why? Did she say something to you?

Told me she saw you naked through the bullet hole in the twins' bedroom.

Said you got abs.

Kinda.

- Let's hit it. Hmm? - Oh.

She also said your nipples are nicely placed.

Have fun, lovebirds.

Here. I put all of our numbers in your phone.

If you wanna call Barb, press "Barb."

If you wanna call me, press "Gloria."

If you wanna call Rooster...

Wait, wait, let me guess.

Sorry, I'm just used to having to spell it all out for Barb and Rooster.

Yeah, I hear ya. They're an interesting pair, those two.

The other day, I had to explain that there's no cotton in cotton candy.

Took a good chunk of the afternoon

and ended with all of us tasting a little bit of lint from the dryer.

I just hope they don't screw it up.

Maybe you and I should be the ones

to go into the Congresswoman's and grab the painting.

They should just sit in the car and pretend to be lookouts or something.

That sounds good.

We also need to pick up some maps

and find a good parking place where we can sneak in from the back way.

We don't need maps. You have maps on your phone.

Really? How do you...?

Uh, you just press "maps," right? Right.

Ah.

There is one other thing I wanted to ask you.

Coronavirus, which is said to be caused by a bat,

is just the latest in a long line of infectious diseases caused by animals.

You didn't let me finish.

Didn't need to. It's not gonna happen.

Did you fall?

Gas bubble.

It's not that big a deal, Jack.

Maybe not to you.

Additionally, the West Nile virus, rabies, Lyme disease,

Rocky Mountain...

The more news I watch, the more I'm startin' to see the light.

Swine Flu, Bird Flu, Mad Cow, now this bat disease...

Those kooky ass vegans might be on to something.

Maybe we should just eat vegetables and kill all the animals.

I mean, eat the ones we have, of course, but, you know,

just stop makin' more chickens and shit.

You're overreacting, Jack.

Overreacting? You asked if I could get my mother to paint a forgery.

We need one for the job, and you said your mother could paint.

I am just exploring our options.

Here.

I already have a phone.

A flip phone. It takes you 20 minutes to type a text.

That's only because the bottom row is broken

and it takes me a while to figure out

how to respond without the letters P through Z.

We're gonna need P through Z, Barb. We're gonna need P through Z.

This is a big job. It has to be perfect.

Which is why we need your mom to make a copy of the painting.

Why do we need a painting if we're stealing a painting?

Because if we can replace this one with a fake,

no one will realize the real one is gone.

That looks like Stretch Armstrong and his wife doing it underwater.

I'll paint that shit.

It's a lot more difficult than you think.

Which is why we need someone who can paint.

I'm not implicating my mother in a crime.

Why not? My mother's implicated.

If she does a good job, no one will even know a crime was committed

unless they try to sell the painting, like, 20 years from now.

Did you hear that? Twenty years.

How old's your mother?

Seventy-six, I think.

Seventy-six. Do I need to say it?

You don't need to say it.

You know what I'm talkin' about, though, right?

We know what you're talking about.

'Cause I don't wanna say it, but in 20 years... probably less.

Does she smoke?

Oh, we get it, Barb.

She's gonna be dead, that's all I'm sayin'.

Can't you find someone else?

There's no time.

If we miss this window, it'll take us months before we find another opportunity.

Did you hear that? Months.

How old's your father?

Damn it. Fine.

How do you take a picture with this thing?

You just press...

The camera. I see it.

All right.

Ugh, somebody needs to stand on my back and put some pressure on this bubble.

I'm fillin' up like a balloon.

Rooster, go pop your mother.

I don't know. I thought it might be cool, but if you don't have time...

Are you kidding? I'd love to.

And from the picture you sent, the painting looks fun.

What a thoughtful birthday gift for your girlfriend.

She loves art and you love to paint, so it's...

What's Dad doing back there?

Hmm. Trying to listen to Marty Shafferman on the fourth floor.

Your dad's gone a little buggy

ever since they stopped letting us out of our rooms because of the virus.

I just heard my name and the word "prance."

I don't prance! I have plantar fasciitis!

What does this Marty guy have against Dad?

Marty Shafferman died five months ago.

Your father just needs to get outside again. We all do.

And don't worry.

I'll get that painting to you lickety-split.

Oh, hop off, hop off! I don't think this is workin'.

One of you might have to yell "boo"

and scare this bubble out of me hiccup-style.

So, how much you think we'll pocket after we sell this painting?

My fence usually charges 20% of the value,

but we haven't figured out the final details yet.

Mom's in. She said she can paint it lickety-split.

Ah, that's great. I found an art store in San Diego that can drop off the canvas.

I'll have FedEx pick it up after she's done.

Your mom said "lickety-split"?

Yeah, it means do something quickly.

You sure about that?

'Cause I thought it was slang for goin' down on a lady.

You know, 'cause you lick the...

That is absolutely not what it means.

Agree to disagree.

Uh, I need a credit card for the shipping. Barb?

I don't have a credit card.

How do you not have a credit card?

Because I'm not a sucker who buys things they can't afford

just to pay interest for the rest of my life.

I have a debit card, but my account's empty.

Then we have to put money in it.

I don't really wanna go to the bank. Hey, could we use Western Union?

That's how I send cash to my online lover, Jean Michel Duklon.

We don't have time.

There are a lot of moving pieces and everyone needs to chip in,

so get your cash.

We're going to the bank.

Wow. Mom nailed it. Gloria, come look at this.

Getting out of the shower. I'll be down in a sec.

Oh, it looks just like the real thing.

Until you look at the back.

Oh, shit.

Why would she do that?

I had to tell her something, so I said it was a birthday gift.

For someone you love and wanna give X's and O's to.

I'm not in love with...

Gloria's gonna know that I had to say something.

I mean, I guess it's complicated because in prison we kinda...

Is it gonna be weird? It's weird, isn't it?