The Admirable Crichton

Good morning, my lord. Clement weather.

Drafty.

Lovegrove begs me to inform your lordship that the phalaenopsis lueddemanniana

in the south conservatory is in full bloom.

- Eh? - An orchid.

Oh. Anything in the paper?

The suffragettes are again giving trouble, my lord.

One of them threw a brickbat through a window at number 10 last evening.

Oh. Well, go on. Were there any casualties?

An under footman sustained a broken nose.

No one of any consequence was hurt. The prime minister was dining out.

On. It's a pity.

Uh, what do you mean, no one of any consequence?

How do you know that the under footman wasn't just as good a fellow

as the prime minister?

My lord, I beg you to lower your voice.

If any of the other servants should hear you...

Now we've had this discussion before, Crichton.

Today I intend to prove my point.

Oh, no, my lord!

Yes. Crichton, get my daughters out of bed immediately.

I beg your pardon.

Well, get their maids to get them out of bed.

Breakfast will be in 30 minutes

and I expect all three of them to be there.

Very good, my lord. I'll send Rolleston in to dress you.

Liberty, equality, fraternity!

All for one and one for all, Crichton.

That was the French, my lord.

Good morning, Crichton.

Good morning, my lady. His lordship is waiting.

Thank you, Crichton.

- Good morning, Crichton. - Good morning, lady Catherine.

His lordship is waiting.

It'll do him good.

Good morning, Crichton.

- His lordship is waiting, lady Agatha. - Oh, golly.

- Good morning, father. - Good morning.

Father, why have we been dragged out of bed at this unearthly hour?

Unearthly?

My dear girl, are you aware that millions of good people in the British isles

have already been hard at work for three hours and more?

People, yes, but not us.

And thousands of them have started their day on no more than a crust of bread

and a cup of water.

You seem very interested this morning, father, in the way other people live.

I am. And so ought you to be.

All of you.

Father, please, not at breakfast.

That maid of yours, Mary.

'What's her name? - Fisher.

Yes, Fisher.

What's her Christian name? Oh, I don't know.

And what's more, I'm sure she doesn't want me to.

Father, dear, you'll be asking us next to share our meals with our maids.

That's exactly what you are going to do.

Father! What can you mean?

Well, I mean this.

At 4:00 this afternoon, you will all be in the drawing room.

There we shall entertain the staff to tea.

The entire staff.

You will treat them all as your equals.

L, for one, refuse to have any part of it.

Have you forgotten, father, that George is coming to tea?

Mary, I order you to be present.

All I can say, father, is if my life has to be ruined,

I should have preferred to have done it myself.

Well, I can't be there.

Ernest Woolley's taking me to London in his new motorcar.

- At 4:00, Catherine. - Father, how can we?

I said, 4:00.

But, father, I was...

Oh, they'll get used to the idea.

I sincerely hope not, my lord.

Oh, none of that now.

Surely you don't object to meeting me as man to man.

Haven't I always treated you as a human being?

Most certainly not, my lord.

Your treatment of me has always been as it should be.

Well, that's enough.

This afternoon at 4:00 you will be my equal.

I'll soon show you whether you're my equal or not.

- Almighty... - You do as you're told.

Very well, my lord.

The entire outdoor staff will also be present,

but I shall speak to them later.

Your order of entry will be posted on the notice board

outside my sitting room after luncheon.

That is all.

Now, have we any questions?

We aren't going to be asked to sit down, are we, mister Crichton?

You most certainly are, Mabel.

And not, you will remember, on the edge of the chair.

You will all seat yourselves firmly in the center of it.

Oh, I shall die, I know I shall.

You will do no such thing, Eliza,

not at any rate until you have left the room.

It'll be a bit of a lark, I reckon.

We'll have a real good blowout.

All friends together, eh, Crichton?

Did I hear you call me "Crichton"?

Yes, sir.

In 10 to 15 years' time,

you might have reached a position in which you could

address me as mister Crichton.

Never in any circumstances whatsoever would you be entitled to call me Crichton.

There's a train at 12:30.

Pack your bags.

Right. About your duties.

And remember, no gossiping above stairs.

I apologize for that boy's behavior, mister Crichton.

You look pale, Mrs. Perkins.

Do you wonder?

- Small glass of port, perhaps? - Oh, thank you.

Oh, Ernest, isn't it exciting?

Better than your father's tea party, right?

On, if only we weren't just looking on.

What? Oh, now, steady on, old girl.

We want to vote!

Oh, no! They mustn't!

Catherine! Catherine!

How dare you!

Let me go!

Mrs. Perkins.

Ah, Mrs. Perkins.

Delighted.

Mary, this is our dear Mrs. Perkins.

How do you do?

Pleased, I'm sure.

Brocklehurst, our valued Mrs. Perkins.

Monsieur Fleury.

Forgive me.

Won't you sit down?

My dear fellow, I'm charmed to see you.

I'll bring you some tea.

Come along now. I want to hear all about your puddings.

Thank you very much.

Mister Rolleston. Hmm?

Oh, Treherne, come and look after mister Rolleston.

And who is mister Rolleston?

Father's valet.

How do you do, mister Rolleston?

Yes, this is, uh,

an unexpected pleasure.

This sort of thing is utterly opposed to all my principles.

It's the same for all of us, Brocky.

And please don't call me Brocky. You know I detest it.

Brocky, dear, if you're going to marry Mary...

My engagement to Mary has yet to be announced.

Miss Fisher.

By Jove!

I'm charmed to see you, miss Fisher.

Do come and sit down, won't you?

Now tell me, what do you do?

Uh, in the house, I mean?

- Ah, Mary, tea for two. - Mister Lovegrove.

Ah, Lovegrove.

How are all your family?

Ah! Same to you, my lord.

And how's your wife? Blooming?

Blooming?

First thing this morning.

- Opened out a fair treat she did. - Huh?

Bright purple with deep yellow spots, she is.

- Good lord! - 'Course she won't last.

No, she'll be dead by Monday.

That's the trouble with orchids, my lord. They won't last.

Orchids?

Oh, yes. Yes, of course. Come and have some tea.

Jane, Gladys, Rose.

Mary, take the girls a cup of tea.

- Father, I... - Mary.

- Tea, Crichton? - No, no. Allow me, my lady.

This must be all most distasteful to you, Crichton.

I'm ashamed to be seen speaking to you, my lady.

Now, now, Crichton, none of that.

We're all on equal terms today, you know?

Now, is everyone here? All but the odds and ends, my lord.

I want everybody.

Very well, my lord.

Eliza!

Keep still, girl.

Oh, I'm so happy to see you...

- Eliza, my lord. - Eliza.

My daughter, Mary.

I... ahem. Now come along and meet the others.

I think I'll be all right here, thank you, my lord.

You must do as you're told, Eliza.

Come along, now. Mary, you're neglecting your guests.

Have you been to the opera lately?

Well, uh, what sort of weather have you been having in the kitchen?

For heaven's sake, woman, be articulate.

Forgive me, my lord. Lady Mary wishes to speak with you.

Eh? Oh, thank you, Crichton.

Come, Eliza.

Oh, mister Crichton. I think you're wonderful.

- You won't leave me, will you? - No, I won't leave you.

Have a crumpet. Enjoy yourself.

Oh, it's too much.

It didn't seem too much when you were entertaining Fisher.