Room(h)ates (Sous le même toit)

Watch out!

Good evening.

Okay, you all know what to do.

ROOM(H)ATES

My dad wanted his player back.

He went to see the other agent and said,

Give me my player.

Why do you begin there?

It's my favorite part.

Begin at the beginning, it's confusing.

It's creepy, talking divorce at a wedding.

You wanna tell us how you wound up in that shirt?

Nah, go ahead.

And begin at the beginning.

First there was nothing, then a Big Bang,

and dinosaurs rocked up.

Gone back far enough?

Very funny.

It started in a restaurant.

Our folks promised to eat out together once a month.

"To keep the magic in their marriage."

Waste of time.

It's so good, I can't decide.

Me neither.

Either the sole or duck?

You? Either or what?

Either divorce or one last chance.

Duck. Screw the diet.

- Hold on, what? - What?

What did you say?

You heard me.

What the hell, Delphine?

Yvan, come on. You're not blind, are you?

You can see we're stuck in a routine.

The spark went out months ago.

We change or we crash. We live side by side, not eye to eye.

I think I get the picture, thanks.

- We're on the edge of the abyss. - The abyss?

We have to act fast.

I never really realized.

What do you suggest?

Same as Alice and Julien.

Buy an Audi A8?

No, I thought not.

I told you a thousand times.

How they decided to have an open marriage.

Alice says it's better than ever now. They're like newlyweds.

Now, sweetheart...

Ready to order?

We're not hungry.

We're not hungry, that's all.

So, you want us to bang...

You want us to bang other people to stay together?

- Sure. - Yeah, it's logical.

You say I'm tight-assed. When I let go a bit...

Let go a lot.

You want to save our marriage?

I'm not sure I could make love to another woman.

With your permission.

24 hours!

You couldn't even wait 24 hours!

Pardon me?

I said an opportunity came up, that's all.

Delph!

Sweetheart, wait!

Let me explain, at least.

You said it'd save our marriage. I didn't want to do it.

But I did it for you.

This is how you react. I don't get it.

If I had to wait, why didn't you set out a calendar?

Get out!

Whaddya mean, get out!

I'll be honest with you.

I hated it. I kept thinking of you.

Scram!

Don't tell me to scram.

Look me in the eye. If I go, I won't come back.

Do what you want, I...

Whoa, you had to watch all that?

Not really, but we saw the consequences.

Easy! There's plenty to go around!

Your turn, Melissa.

Fabulous divorce party!

Who's next?

Look at her.

She seems thrilled.

It's a coping mechanism.

Putting on a show to piss you off.

I always envied you.

The house, perfect family, kids...

It's cool, a buddy's life going to shit.

Seeing this makes me so happy.

That's very thoughtful of you.

Look at the cruelty! Look at it!

Dancing on a grave.

- Elfman. - Danny, yes.

Everything okay?

What a wonderful little party!

Sure, exquisite.

All life's highlights should be celebrated.

For once, you are so right.

Are you sure? It's not Alzheimer's talking?

I'll go get a drink. Before I forget.

Thank you.

Come on.

I always liked your mother-in-law.

Bring on the cake! Bring on the cake!

I'll cut it but not on my own.

Bring on Yvan! Bring on Yvan!

Together?

To the happy divorcees!

That calls for a kiss.

Who bought me a duck?

Delph!

That was me. It's a sex toy, Delph.

In case you strike out on Tinder.

- And this is? - That was me!

I downloaded and highlighted all the crummy rentals you can afford.

This is what I miss.

The moments after our friends go, just you and me.

Me clearing up, you doing jack shit.

Yup, miss that too.

How's house-hunting going?

And work?

It's all coming on fine.

Great.

- You'll quit squatting at Nico's? - I don't squat.

We're kind of roommates.

You'll get your own place?

To take Violette and Lucas alternate weeks?

And pay me alimony?

Of course.

Absolutely!

Always goes around in circles with you.

I didn't make you stay to watch me do all the work.

Fine, I'll bounce.

You bet!

One last thing, my little Delphine.

You'll regret this when I make it big.

You'll make it big?

- Sure I will. - Make it big how?

Like when you wrote kids' erotic novels?

Or ran a bar for deaf mutes?

Riding the blind restaurant wave!

Or saying you'd make it big in Moroccan rugs,

made in France, sold in Morocco!

I was looking for myself, that's all.

And you wound up losing me.

What a line!

Which Adele album is it from?

- Screw you! - Screw me?

Sometimes, I'm glad I cheated on you.

Same here. I wish you'd done it earlier.

Stupidly, I waited for permission.

Yeah. After 15 years living in a rut, about time it ended!

Poor girl, the road ahead is long and celibate.

Your road ahead goes straight to Shitsville.

Take a good look at me.

You can shove it when I'm the league's top agent.

Rest assured, I want you gone.

Cool, I'm going.

Alright, go.

- Dumb cow. - Dumb prick.

Tell it to my back.

- Seriously? - Yes.

It worked out after that?

Let's just say, things didn't quite go to plan.

They rarely do.

With me, it's even rarer.

Luckily, I bounce back.

Sir, you can't stay here.

We've had complaints.

Hold on, I live here.

And sleep on the stairs?

I know it seems weird,

but my buddy loans me his pad

when he's not here with a girl.

We have a code. The scarf means I wait.

Let's go!

Wait, you'll see.

Nico!

- Cut it out! - Two seconds.

Keep it down now.

Be very careful, sir.

Yes?

You know this man?

- No. - Obviously. She's a prostitute.

She's a hooker!

Where's Nico?

The girl's a hooker. She takes money.

- Shut it now! - It's obvious!

You're coming in, like it or not.

Why didn't you get the door? I knocked like crazy.

They hauled me out like a bum. It sucked!

- I was with the sister. - Sister what?

The sister of the one who opened up.

Sure I was. Blonde, big tits, slight lisp, total sex freak!

You mean kinky?

- I mean nasty. - Shit!

This can't go on, right?