The Office

Not again.

Bow down before Recyclops.

Five years ago corporate said we had to start

a recycling program for Earth Day,

so Dwight took the lead on that,

and introduced us to a very close friend of his named Recyclops.

Happy Earth Day, everyone. I'm Recyclops.

Did you know that an old milk carton

can be sawed in half and used as a planter?

The next year, he really stepped things up.

Who has put a number seven plastic in a number four bin?

A year after that, Recyclops really began to take shape.

Recyclops will drown you in your over-watered lawns!

Then tragedy struck Recyclops when his fictional planet

was attacked by some other fictitious thing, I can't remember.

Recyclops will have his revenge!

I think this was also the year that he renounced Earth Day

and vowed to destroy the planet he once loved.

Oh, my God, you guys, look! It's Recyclops!

Recyclops destroy!

Oh, is today Recyclops Day? Yes.

I thought you were killed by Polluticon or something.

Polluticon wishes.

That's aerosol spray. It's terrible for the environment.

Humans are terrible for the environment.

The thing I like most about Recyclops

is that he's creating a different world for our child.

Hmm.

A world where you truly can be anything you want.

God bless you, Recyclops,

and your cold robot heart.

Okay. Okay. How about this?

That's great.

I want it to be better than great, Pam.

How about I remain seated and I just do a little bit of a nod,

sort of a humble thing? Sure.

No. Then my face is down. They can't see my face.

And it looks like you're taking a dump.

Alan Brand who's the CEO of the company,

if title is important to you,

has personally invited moi to go to New York

to the shareholders' meeting

and sit up on the stage with the board of directors.

And at some point, they're going to introduce me

as the most successful branch manager that they have.

And then Michael Scott turns and waves to the crowd.

And the crowd goes wild.

Ladies and gentlemen, from Scranton, Pennsylvania,

please welcome Michael "The Machine" Scott!

Oh.

Don't do the twirl. Lose the twirl.

Twirl sucks. Michael, I hated the twirl.

Hate the twirl.

Okay, obviously I'm not going to do the twirl.

I only did it because I nailed the wave.

Yeah, good. Don't do it.

I'm not going to do the twirl, all right?

It's not even a twirl. It's a spin.

I might do the spin.

The long-term problem is bad investments that they need to dump.

And the short-term problem is the company

has no cash and there's nowhere to get it.

Okay, Oscar. I don't need the whole enchilada, just bullet points.

Those are the bullet points.

Well, could you condense it, please?

That's as simple as I can make it.

Michael, the limo's here for you.

It's not a limo, it's a town car.

Town cars are actually better, though,

better torque, better handling.

He said limousine, so...

Check it out, guys, there's a limo down here.

Michael, look.

Oh, man! It's a limo.

They sent a limo.

Town cars suck. A town car

is something that a company sends when they're in trouble.

A limousine is something that a company sends

when they have cause for celebration.

And in this case, I think we are celebrating me.

Move it! Quick!

(LAUGHS) Wow! Wow!

Oh, no way! Yeah!

What kind of mileage does this baby get?

It's like what high school kids take to prom on TV shows.

So typical of management to spend money on this.

Bunch of boobs!

Hate to break it to you, Oscar, but some of us like boobs.

Calves. Calves all the way.

I'm so jealous right now.

Hey, you know who you should be jealous of?

Yourself.

Because you're invited, and you're invited,

and you're invited, and you, and you,

and you and you and you and you... Car seats eight.

What? The car seats eight.

The limo seats eight.

Okay, then Jim and Pam and Ryan plus a guest.

No. No, thanks.

I'll use it when you're done.

Mmm.

Whoa.

The Dunder Mifflin stock symbol is DMI.

Do you know what that stands for?

Dummies, Morons and Idiots,

because that's what you'd have to be to own it.

And as one of those idiots, I believe the board owes me answers.

I wish the windows weren't tinted

so people could see us in here.

Hey, guys, do you think anyone might have had sex in here?

Definitely. Definitely. Smells like it.

Look, they got pillows.

That, that's bigger than my bed.

Word. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Who's playing with the button?

Hey, Ryan, could you start consolidating

all our Rolodex information into Outlook?

Doesn't seem like there's much of a point

if the company's going under.

But if the company doesn't go under,

then we'll finally have all our contacts in one program.

Company's probably going under, though. It could go either way.

Seems like it's leaning one way.

Maybe we should just wait and find out.

Definitely. Okay.

So should we wait to find out before we start doing all this stuff?

Nah. Might as well do it now.

Michael, what if somebody asks you a question at this meeting?

Are you just going to wave or what?

I will have to answer.

I'll ask you a question.

Make it a softball.

Something he can, like, crank out of the park.

Michael Scott, you run the most profitable branch of Dunder Mifflin.

Yeah. How do you do it?

No, no, that's too hard. Say, your name is Zamboni,

and then I will say, "Well, we're sort of on thin ice."

Uh-oh!

I won't say that. I'll say something like that.

This is your big day. Come on.

Whoo. Oh, my God. This is it.

Mr. Scott? Yes.

I'm Laurie. Oh, hi.

Thank you for joining us. Come with me.

Well, thank you. And please call...

Continue to call me Mr. Scott.

Okay.

If you just want to follow me I'll take you up to the lounge.

Well, I guess this is as far as I can take you guys, so...

Good luck, Michael. See you later.

Officers. Thank you.

After you, Mr. Scott.

Thank you.

Michael. Hello.

So glad you could make it. Thank you.

How was the ride?

Oh. It was awesome. Very, very sublime.

I'm glad. I want to introduce you to everyone.

Okay. First we'll start with Alan Brand.

Alan, CEO.

Michael Scott, Branch Manager, Scranton.

It's nice to meet you, Michael. Nice to meet you, too.

It's an honor and a privilege.

Seated, we have the former congressman, Chris O'Keefe.

Your eminence.

For those of you with questions, please line up

behind one of the four microphones

that have been placed in the aisles.

Coming through!

Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Damn it!

What... Okay.

I was hoping to lob Michael a softball question early.

I wanted to swing by the Garment District,

pick up a few crates of my shirts.

I got a shirt guy.

Would you believe this?

The money they spent on this convention hall!

Excuse me, miss.

Just want to take this stupid board of directors by their necks.

This is so simple.

Yeah. Idiots!

Well, you should do that. Get in line.

Oh, what a great idea, and lose my job. No, thank you.

Look, do you want to be able to tell your grandkids

you stood up for yourself

during America's biggest financial crisis?

How is he going to have grandkids?

You guys ever protect the President?

No.

What about Madonna or Obama twins? Anybody famous?

Not supposed to talk about it.

Nelly Furtado.

All right, guys.

Are you ready?

Rock and roll.

Dunder Mifflin is still a strong company,

and we are poised to come through this

more streamlined and profitable than ever.

This is not as much fun as I thought it would be.