M.O.D.O.K.

This is me! Oh, this is mine!

‐ Mine. I want that. Mine. Mine. Mine‐‐

‐ No, that's mine. Mine‐‐

Oh, I call Roomba. Ooh, ooh, ooh!

‐ Mine. Mine. ‐ I call Dad's flat screen!

I call‐‐

‐ You're both good kids,

and that's why I'd be happy

to go with either of you.

Ooh! Six‐foot extension cord! ‐ Hey, that goes with my TV!

‐ Oh, you rotten kids!

‐ I saw it first!

‐ Dad wanted me to have it.

It was one of the last things he ever said to me.

"Melissa, I think of you as an extension of me.

"I want you to have the six‐foot extension cord

that clearly goes with the TV."

‐ I can hear him saying that.

‐ I'm just moving out. I'm not dead!

‐ To Mom, you are.

‐ Oh my god, I'm the product of a broken home.

First this, then I act up in school, drop out.

All of a sudden, I'm giving happy endings behind an Arby's

just so I can pay for a taste of that sweet street sleet.

‐ Jesus, Lou. "Happy endings"?

Does that mean you're giving full massages behind the Arby's?

‐ Yeah. It's bad.

‐ Kids, listen, the thing you need to know about me and your Mom is

she's lost!

She's lost her mind, she's lost her way.

You have to stop her! MODOK,

what are you telling the kids?

‐ I'm comforting them!

And if you tell her I said any of this,

this'll be one of the many divorces where it is the kids' fault.

‐ MODOK, it's the movers. They can be here tomorrow.

Will you be home before six?

‐ Hmm, tomorrow. Let me pull up the ol' calendar.

Ooh, I'm swamped. What's next week look like?

Uhp! Swamped. Swamp, swamp, swamp.

Okay, let's look at Septem‐‐ Nope, Swamptember.

And then actually in Swamptober, I've got that big trip with the boys

to the swamp of course.

Uh, just tell the movers we'll schedule something in the new year.

‐ MODOK, you're stalling.

‐ I'm not stalling! Oh my god, what's that?

Nice, just bought myself three more seconds in the house.

‐ This is starting to really make me sad.

‐ Oh, sweetie, it's okay.

We'll still do things as a family.

The signing of divorce papers, the ugly custody battle.

You're gonna be involved with all of it.

‐ No. Dad's CD collection.

Who the hell still has CDs?

‐ What's a Hoobastank?

‐ The Beatles of the late '90s.

‐ Who are the Beatles?

‐ Hoobastank of the early '60s.

‐ Oh‐ho‐ho‐ho. Okay. Alright.

‐ Aw, Third Eye Blind. I can't believe you still have this.

We were all set to see them at Kirby University,

but we missed it for some reason.

Would have been fun.

‐ You know what? Keep the CD.

Unfortunately, I can't part with it,

so I'm going to have to stick around as well.

We need to stay together for the CD.

‐ I need you to pick a date for the movers.

‐ Alright, kids, I'm so sorry I called you rotten.

Here's the deal: I'm scared.

There are a lot of changes going on,

and I do not want to end up at your Dad's studio apartment.

‐ Why is the toaster talking to us?

‐ You little brats! You want a toaster?

Next time you two are taking a bath,

I'm gonna jump in and fry you all to hell.

‐ Uh, we're not little kids anymore.

We don't take baths together.

‐ That makes me so sad!

Where is the time going?

This family is falling apart! I'm so scared!

Umm, mocha frappe for the gentleman.

‐ Silence! I'm busy hacking SHIELD's servers.

I have no time to leisurely consume iced beverages.

I didn't say I didn't want it. Hold it to my mouth while I work.

Well? Don't you want to know why I'm hacking into SHIELD?

‐ Yes, of course. Sorry. I haven't been sleeping well.

My phantom limb pain has been‐‐

‐ I'm hacking into SHIELD to take back the time machine I invented

and they stole.

Don't you want to know why I need the time machine?

‐ I'm sorry. It's hard to concentrate.

I've been on a lot of anti‐depressants since I lost my favorite arm‐‐

‐ Oh my god, Gary.

Keep your personal life out of the office.

I'm gonna use the time machine to fix my marriage,

by taking my wife to a Third Eye Blind concert

from 17 years ago.

Then she'll remember how things used to be between us.

A time before I felt comfortable enough to fart in our marital bed.

And at her father's deathbed.

And at his wake.

And during the entirety of her tearful eulogy.

No! What's happening?

‐ M‐m‐m‐m‐Modawg!

Great to see you enjoying our new Peaceful Pause policy.

All computers shut down the last minute of every hour.

A gift to all our employees.

‐ You dare attack MODOK's productivity?

‐ Take a break. Stretch your legs.

Take some time to nurture your physical self.

‐ I'm in peak physical condition!

‐ Peak condition? More like peak of Shit Mountain.

‐ Shit Mountain's not real! She made it up! You gotta believe me!

‐ Ah, the Compact Disc.

Sometimes, because I'm your superior,

I forget how much older you are than me.

‐ Austin, answer the following questions:

What was the address of your childhood home?

Was your bedroom on the first floor?

Did the window have an easily pickable lock?

Were you deathly allergic to anything as a kid?

‐ Look at you, taking an interest.

401 East 97th Street. Yes. Yes. And strawberries.

I'm deathly allergic to strawberries.

You see? Bros for life in one Peaceful Pause.

How 'bout I pop by with some Topo Chicos in 59 minutes

and we do a deep dive on Mo‐daddy‐doh‐dawg?

‐ Aha! I've located the SHIELD facility containing my time machine.

To obtain it, I'll have to use my incredible mastery

of espionage.

Ayyy, I'm water delivery man Dave Deepdishski.

From Chicago. Chitown, my town, is where I hail from.

When I'm not chowin' down on authentic hot beef sandwiches,

I'm takin' architectural boat tours

and visiting da Sears Tower.

And I'm Kyle I'yam. From Columbus, Ohio, I hail.

‐ First of all, it's the Willis Tower now.

‐ And secondly, we don't have water coolers.

Also, how did you get up here?

‐ Plan B: Human Projectile. What's human proj‐‐

Cerebro, Ultimate Nullifier,

Dr. Strange's prescription pad. Oh, rip!

Here it is! My time machine!

Hand me that glowing purple crystal. What is it?

‐ The Celestial Chrono‐Crystal,

the cosmic artifact that powers my time machine.

By the way, I hope kids were not in the picture

because the crystal you're holding is highly radioactive.

Definitely sterile now.

Your balls are completely useless. Purely for show.

Ha. What? ‐ Ugh, enough about you

and the imaginary family you'll never have.

Time to go save mine!

‐ Well, I guess that's... it.

‐ Actually, I was thinking‐‐

‐ Please, just don't make this difficult, MODOK.

‐ Wait, hear me out. I thought we could take a trip together.

Somewhere you always wanted to go.

‐ The flagship Bubba Gump Shrimp in Fort Lauderdale!

‐ No. ‐ Bubba Gump Daytona Beach!

‐ No! ‐ Bubba Gump Charleston?

‐ No! Why are all the places you want to go Bubba Gumps?

‐ I go nuts for their rice. It's the best rice.

‐ I want to take you somewhere no one else can.

That Third Eye Blind concert we missed 17 years ago,

with this time machine I invented.

‐ Yeah, no.

Leaping through space and time is super complicated,

and I have a book signing at Barnes & Noble

and I want to get there before they go out of business.

‐ It won't take any time at all. Literally. It's a time machine.

If you'd said yes, we'd be back already.

‐ This feels like another stall.

‐ Think of it as just a civil goodbye before we part ways.

One last memory before our fresh start.

‐ Huh.

That is surprisingly mature of you.

I mean, yeah, I guess we could try a night out.

As friends.

‐ Great! Let me just punch in the coordinates,

which I totally know how to do, and‐‐

The lease was almost up anyway.

And‐‐

Boom! Science!

After you, my lady.

‐ Why, thank you.

‐ Hey, give me a quick thumbs up

if the hole through space/time doesn't tear you apart atom by at‐‐

Oh!

What up, 17 years in the past party people!

‐ Where's the concert?

‐ Maybe we're early?

‐ Yeah. Four years early.

‐ Oh no,

we overshot Third Eye Blind and we're in the year of Chumbawamba.

Stupid thing, probably didn't account

for leap years and daylight savings time

and the gold bangles you shouldn't have worn into the portal

because everyone knows you can't wear metal into a portal.