Love Thy Neighbour

"This royal throne of kings."

"This earth of Majesty."

"This seat of Mars."

"This other Eden; demi-paradise."

"This fortress built by Nature for herself, Against infection and the hand of war."

"This happy breed of men."

"This little world."

"This precious stone set in a silver sea, Which serves it in the office of a wall"...

..."or as a moat, defensive to a house"...

..."against the envy of less happier lands."

"This blessed plot, this earth, this realm"...

..."this England."

A land where playing the game is still more important than winning.

A land where all men are equal...

...irrespective of race, creed or colour.

- You bloody black troublemaker! - You racialist poof!

You've got the little black feller round the... round the corner...

Ah, knickers. What're you talking about?

"Love thy neighbour."

"Walk up and say How be ya?"

"Gee, but I'm glad to see ya, pal."

"How's tricks?"

"What's new?"

"Love thy neighbour."

"Offer to share his burden."

"Tell him to say the word, and you'll see him through."

"Especially if there should be"...

..."a beautiful girl next door."

"Say to the girl next door"...

..."Don't think I'm bold, my mother told me to love my neighbour"...

..."and you will find your labour"...

..."a great deal easier. Life will be breezier if you"...

..."love thy neighbour."

"Especially if there should be a beautiful girl next door."

"Say to the girl next door"...

..."Don't think I'm bold"...

..."my mother told me to love thy neighbour"...

..."and you will find your labour..."

..."a great deal easier, life will be breezier if"...

..."you love thy neighbour."

"Day is a... day is a... day is a... day-oh..."

- "Daylight come an' I wanna go home." - Oooh!

Will you belt up? I've just cut me chin!

Pity you didn't cut your throat!

"DAY!"

"Is a... day is a... day is a... DAY-OOH!!

- "Daylight come and I... - Will you get knotted?!

..."wanna go home."

Bloody Nora!

What's the matter now?

They've given us next door's newspaper again!

It's all the same news!

How can it be the same news?

This is a Tory newspaper. It's biased.

Oh, and your Labour paper isn't, I suppose!

Of course it is.

But it's biased the right way.

Oh! Morning, Eddie.

Oh! Hello, love.

Nice, isn't it?

Fantastic. Absolutely fantastic.

Hey, hey, white boy.

What d'you think you're doing, eh?

Oh, er, well, I, er... I just brought your newspaper round.

I don't like the way you were looking at my wife, you know?

Hah, well, you know what they say?

They can't touch you for looking.

I can!

Ah, you're too bloody sensitive, you.

Am I?

Well, look...

...you just ask Joan to put on a nightdress...

...and come out here, and let me have a good look at her.

You randy nig nog!

Look, you just keep your lecherous eyes off my wife - right?

And what am I supposed to do, walk about with my eyes closed?

- It can be arranged. - That's it...

...typical of your lot, isn't it, eh? Violence.

Well, we want no mob rule in Maple Terrace.

You're a black troublemaker.

Yeah, and you're a... a loud-mouthed, pale-skinned POOF!

Let me tell you something.

This is a respectable neighbourhood.

We don't like ignorant loud-mouthed rabble-rousers - understand?

Perfectly!

When are you moving?

Mmm?

Great black ponce!

I'll have his guts for garters!

Great black fairy!

That bloody black twit!

What's up now?

Sambo has just accused ME of ogling his wife.

Oh... he's caught you, has he?

What do you mean, "caught me"?

I've got better things to do than stare at his wife.

Then why is it every time you see her your eyes nearly fall out your 'ead?

Don't exaggerate! It's him.

He's a troublemaker.

We never had this trouble when Frank Musgrove lived next door.

He never accused me of ogling their Nellie!

I should hope not. She was sixty-four.

Oh..!

I wish you'd try and cool it with Eddie.

He better don't insult my father, that's all.

Oh, don't start looking for trouble before he gets here!

Hmm. Look, you're sure you don't mind...

...Dad staying with us on a holiday?

Oh, no big thing.

He can stay as long as he likes.

You rang the airport to find out what time his flight's in tomorrow?

Oh, no... I'll do that later today.

What's so funny?

You know...

...I can't wait to see Eddie's face...

...when he finds out there's another black man living next door, eh!

I knew it. He's moving the whole bloody tribe in.

S'only his father.

I don't care who it is. He's a nig nog.

And I don't want any more nig-nogs living next door.

He's not gonna live next door. He's only here for a few weeks' holiday.

Ah... it's the thin end of the wedge, love.

You mark my words - before we know where we are...

...we'll be overrun with 'em!

Maple Terrace will become a suburb of...Trinidad.

- Mornin'. - Morning.

Give us a light, then.

"Please."

Pardon?

If you want a light, say "please".

Knickers!

- Got a light, missus? - No, I don't smoke.

It's a filthy habit.

Give us a light, mate, will yer?

Sorry, I haven't got one.

You've got a pipe in your mouth!

Ah, it's empty. I've given it up.

I like to suck me pipe now and again. It helps when I get the urge.

Well, aren't you gonna say "please"?

No, I'm bloody not!

Well, you ain't gonna get a light, you know?

Oh, yes, I am.

I'll get one on the bus.

I'm sorry, mister... no more.

What d'you mean, "no more"? You're not full up!

You've got room for fifteen in there, you bloody great choc-ice!

Watch it!

Morning, Terry.

Mornin', Arthur.

Eee! You look a bit rough.

Rough? He looks bloody awful.

Who was you out with last night?

- Norma. - Gee..!

- Lucky devil! - Always out with a crumpet.

I get my share.

You get everybody else's share, as well!

'Ere, you got the strength to press that down?!

Hey, mornin' fellers!

- Ah! Good mornin' Bill. - Mornin', Bill.

Your Dad settling in all right?

Oh, no - he doesn't come in until tomorrow.

Should do him good, coming over here for a holiday.

Yeah, I hope so. Mind you...

...I got a feeling there's going to be nothing but trouble.

Ah, don't worry. You're always looking on the black side.

Oh - no offence. 'Ere, where's Eddie got to, then?

My bus was full. He probably caught the one behind.

Ah, we'll see him later, then.

You are pleased to get off that platform!

Don't be so bloody touchy!

I am bloody touching you if you don't get off!

I haven't done anything!

You are calling me rude names.

All I did was call you "Gunga Din".

You've done it again. Get off!

Look, I'm not getting off this bus.

Stop behaving like a hooligan and get off!

You shut your trap, you old ratbag!

How dare you!

I've never been so insulted in my life!

Well, that's your fault - you don't get about enough.

Please, please - we want no more trouble.

She's the one who's causing trouble.

They're all the same, her sort.

Toffee-nosed twit.

Bet she's a housewife, as well.

And what if I am?

Well, you shouldn't be on this bus in the first place.

This is for the workers.

All right - get off!

Watch it, Ali Baba!

Again you are insulting me!

Not an inch this bus is moving unless you are getting off!

That's what you think!

Now you have done it!

The driver is coming round to have words.

Well, let him come round. I'll soon bloody sort him out.

'Ullo, 'ullo, 'ullo... What's the trouble, then?

This passenger is insulting me and won't get off the bus.

Oh?