Super Stooges vs the Wonder Women (Superuomini, superdonne, superbotte)

Fellow Amazons, hear my words.

I shall not waste time on oratory.

I propose to you as our warrior

to force Dharma to reveal his secret.

The secret of the sacred fire.

- You sure this is the place? - Yeah.

They say he eats here every day.

There are no free tables, I'm sorry.

You'll have to come back later.

This will make things easier.

If we make a disturbance,

we can dispose of him in the confusion.

Boys!

Get down here!

What do you want us to do, boss?

Clear everybody out.

We're ready to eat, wench, now what have you got?

Again.

What are you waiting for?

You eat afterwards.

Go on, let's finish him off.

Hey he's the one we want!

All of you, knock him unconscious!

- Hmm? - No no, not again!

- Heh. - All right boys,

all together!

Now we got him!

If you want a word of advice, Philonus,

I think we got the wrong man.

Hey, wouldn't it be better if we looked,

you know, if we went and looked somewhere

where it's a little quieter?

Just a minute.

I'll teach that muscle-bound ox a lesson.

He's not a man to be trifled with.

Yeah?

You'd be surprised.

Hey.

Oh, my head.

- All right my hearties, you've had your rest.

On your feet!

Get over here and give me a hand!

Hurry up!

Right, now pick up that weight.

Now hold it up in the air above you,

you (mumbling), jump to it, get a move on!

- I mean... - Come on now,

sit down on that end. - Oh dear.

Come on, sit down.

I don't know if it's gonna work.

Sorry.

Pretty clever.

I said I was sorry.

Let's finish him off!

Forward!

Forward!

Before he comes after me!

Let's go, m'hearties!

The name is Moog.

The pleasure was all mine.

Egods, what's that?

- Must be a tourist, the horse looks foreign to me.

- Doesn't look like the type to put up a good fight.

I guess nobody told him he can't ride through our territory

without permission.

Why don't you teach him a lesson?

Thanks.

- Philonus. - Uh huh?

What are you waiting for?

Show him who's boss, eh? - Yeah.

Are you lads on vacation or something?

Attack that stranger!

He's trespassing!

Can't you fools do anything without me?

Now stand back and watch me bring him to his knees.

Great words.

Engarde, stranger.

Up til now we've only been kidding with you, fight back!

Uh huh, only kidding, eh?

Cunicula, you know what you are?

You're a lousy Jonah!

Hey, wait for me, where you going?

I'm not a Jonah.

It was you who wanted me to molest him.

Are you the head man of these people?

- Yes. - As of today,

your village is under our protection

and you'll be taxed accordingly.

But this is one of Dharma's villages

and we're under his protection.

A quarter of all we produce goes to him

and we need the rest to survive.

- We don't want your produce, we only want one thing.

The sacred fire.

Share it, or suffer for it.

- Only Dharma knows the secret of the sacred fire.

Then tell me where to find him, old man.

You can kill me, and everyone else here,

but Dharma, nobody can kill.

For four centuries he's ruled over the people of this valley

but where he lives, no one knows.

Then how do you make him aware

that you need his protection?

- When such a need arises, he appears out of nowhere

without warning.

- You lie, old man, you lie. - No!

Then why doesn't your Dharma appear now

to save you from us?

I am Dharma!

After him!

Why are you looking up there?

I give you a choice.

If you leave these people in peace,

you will come to no harm.

If not, the power of Dharma will destroy you!

I want him alive, after him!

This way!

This is your last warning.

Raze this valley again, and none of you will leave it alive.

- Oh immortal Dharma, hear the plea of your humble servants.

And give them the benefit of your great wisdom.

- Here is your Dharma, my defenseless children.

What is it, how do you wish me to help you?

We do not seek your help.

We only wish to thank you for saving us this morning

from the Amazons.

- I cannot accept thanks that I have not earned.

Since last night I have been

in meditation with my ancestors.

- But if it was not you, great lord,

then who could it have been?

- It was probably the soul of someone recently passed on.

That saw that I was busy and chose as a gesture

of good will to protect you.

- Even if that's so, what happened this morning

is still your doing.

For only you have such powers.

And that is why we have brought you these gifts

as a sign of our appreciation and thanks.

Without you, we are at the mercy of the Amazons.

- Since you insist, I have no choice but to accept

your presents with profound emotion

and rest assured that Dharma's protection

will be as strong in the future as it has been in the past.

For hundreds of years it has been my destiny

to defend the people of this valley

and the sacred fire that burns forever

is the symbol of my immortality.

Tell us, great lord, what should we do

if the Amazons decide to attack our village again?

Very good, very good.

Place the baskets around my feet as usual.

Where are my favorite hot peppers?

Don't say you've forgotten again!

- I put them personally in one of the baskets, great lord.

I thought I made it quite clear,

no peppers, no protection!

- I assure you that they are in one of the baskets,

great lord.

Ah, there they are!

You wanted to know what to do, uh...

If the Amazons should return and attack!

You need say no more.

If that terrible day should come,

there is only one cause of action

that I would advise you to take

and that is to do nothing.

Nothing?

Dharma has spoken!

- But they'll kill us all! - Not if you practice

the art of passive resistance

and put your faith in Dharma the all-powerful.

- But what if... - Silence!

My defenseless children, if you are attacked,

you will turn to me as you have always done

and I'll help you as I did today.

Do not worry, my immortal presence

is constantly awake and always on guard to protect you,

and now my children, I leave you.

Lower your eyes, bow down, bow down.

Put out the fire, Grog, and place these baskets

in the storeroom.

And as for you young man, how many times have I told you

not to impersonate me while I'm sleeping?

- The more he talks, the less I understand him.

Now what's all this about the Amazons?

- They were out in the village looking for you

and I scared them off with a few of your tricks.

- All these accursed women think about is making war.