The Moodys

- Holy Moses! - I just...

wanted to have...

- Whoa! - Oh, my God!

... a nice Christmas,

- Put it down! - ... and you all...

- ruined it... - Honey...

- ... again! - Stop!

- Honey, no... - Okay! Okay!

I'm out!

Christmas is canceled.

- Hey. - Ah!

Now it feels like Christmas.

What kind of jacket is that?

- But where's Ali? - What's with the beard?

Uh, she's not coming.

- Oh, no. - Uh, she's really sorry.

The weather girl says we're supposed to get snow.

- What happened? - Yeah, her-her dad got sick.

- Oh, that's awful. - Yeah, kidney stones.

- Oh, God. - We were so excited

- to finally meet her. - I hope he's drinking a lot of water.

'Cause those things can come in bunches and people say

- it's worse than childbirth. - It's not.

Honey, you've never had kidney stones.

I've had three babies. One, a ten-pounder.

- Well, okay... - Not you. Come in.

- Give me the bag. - Yay.

Oh, that's my boy.

You're gonna need, uh, better shoes than that.

- You gave me those, Dad. - Yeah, I gave them to you

for the summer, all right? Not for the winter.

Hey, did you tip the cabbie?

Because those guys work for a living.

- _ - Oh!

Thanks for picking me up, dude.

God! Oh, I thought you were coming in at 1:00.

- You're full of crap, Sean. - No...

- Sorry I woke you, Leon. - No.

Does that sound like something I would do?

Does it sound like I would agree to pick you up before noon

on a weekend, ever?

- Come here. - Good to see you.

Welcome home, okay...

- Aah! - Aah! Yeah.

That's for the air horn, dumbass.

I'm going back to bed. Wake me up at 3:00.

Hey, heads up... our bathroom's

under construction, so this one's seeing a lot of traffic.

Yeah, it was supposed to be finished by Thanksgiving.

You got some of your AA buddies on the job?

- It's the roof all over again. - I'm trying to give

some people a leg up... Is that so wrong?

It is if you have to take a dump

while your mom's in the shower.

That was me.

Hire a real plumber.

- Me, me, me, me. - Long flight...

And maybe work on your savior complex.

Oh! Bridget's here.

- Bridget's here. - Great.

Mom invited everyone over for a big feast to meet Ali.

What happened?

Her dad had gallbladder surgery.

The whole family's staying local.

She totally broke up with you, right?

Yesterday, at brunch.

It was brutal.

- Ah. - Aw, man, I'm sorry.

Her lease was up, and I was really into her,

but I just... and I wasn't, you know, quite ready

to move in together. Then this jerk

at the next table gets down on one knee.

- Come on. - Just gives this incredibly

moving proposal... Like, beautiful.

Brunch can be tricky.

Mom's gonna analyze the crap out of this.

- I'm not telling her. - I mean, I fully support women

of any age going back to get their master's,

- but ugh... psychology? - Yeah, but...

I mean, it's just so annoying.

Yeah, she's been all kinds of unreasonable lately.

You know, she actually stopped doing my laundry.

Oh, preposterous.

I pay rent.

- I deserve amenities. Sean!

I found the tree.

- I bet you didn't. - Uh-oh.

- Let's see... - No!

That's not a tree, that's a-that's a Christmas shrub.

It's got pluck. I'm getting it.

You do this every year, old man.

You got a Douglas-fir problem.

Everyone's gonna be here in an hour.

They're being delivered?

We don't need cookies, okay?

Big Stan's bringing pies.

- Big Stan? Mm-hmm.

Didn't he wet himself

- caroling last year? - Yep.

He's got nine months sober and I have full faith, okay?

I thought you'd like the cookies.

Eater Chicago says they're the best in the city.

Honey, Stan needs the win.

Did you call your boss

- at the rink, Seanny? - No.

It's a chess match.

I'm not gonna make the first move.

She owes me a lot of overtime.

You know you're the maintenance guy.

Might not have the leverage you think you do.

A-Again with the stick, Mom.

Would love to see the carrot sometime.

Jesus's dad was a maintenance guy.

Don't forget to take

a lot of photos. Get your camera.

Got it.

Hey.

- My mom's on scotch two. - Oh, God.

- Thanks, Mom. - Here you go.

Here's to my last Christmas.

I thought last Christmas was your last Christmas.

You're really dragging out this death thing.

Where's your Chinese husband?

He's Korean, and he's on a plane.

He'll be here in a couple hours.

If you make it that long.

Look, Roger, they have a Christmas tree.

Probably paid full price. The real deals don't

- happen for a few days. I would feel bad

if I didn't bring you in on this opportunity.

We've been down this road before.

Uh, two words:

"funeral" and "fireworks."

What?

Exactly.

We take your loved one's cremated ashes

put them in a canister... I've already got the prototype...

Then shoot them into the sky in a spectacular display

of color and light and awe.

Tasteful.

Oh, hey.

Hi.

Uh, did-did you ring the bell?

Um, no, not yet. I'm Cora.

Right, right. With the-the best cookies in Chicago.

That's a lot of pressure.

- I'm Dan. - Hi.

Um... Uh, yeah, just...

Not much, but here you go.

What's this?

It's-it's a really bad tip.

- I'm sorry, um... - There's at least

86 cents here and a button.

No, it's terrible. I was a waiter, and I'm just

giving you things that fell off my shirt.

- Unforgivable. - I was just messing with you.

I'm Cora, Marco's girlfriend.

He forgot his phone in the car.

Hey there! There he is.

- My long-lost cousin. - Hey.

Oh, man.

Ah, the only man I've ever taken a bath with.

- Oh. - We were five.

He thought I was a delivery person.

No, I'm an idiot. I just figured with the Cookie Monster T-shirt,

it was some kind of clever marketing thing.

This is Elmo. Cookie Monster's blue.

Wow. All furry people look alike to you.

- Will you just come in. -

Hey, hey! Hey, I smell that roast.

We're kicking off the holiday season right, Uncle Sean.

- Hey, hon. - Yes, it's my second glass.

You're counting, not me.

I have a lot on my plate.

I read another new article online last night that says

that breast cancer went from being one

of the top five good kinds to get

into the top three, so we're-we're trending up.

- Yay. - It's good news.

All right, we both agree we're not gonna let it

slip out to any one of the kids before Christmas.

Uh, you're the one that's heading for glass number three.

Oh, thought you weren't counting.

Then you stare up into the night sky...

Bam!

The sixth stage of grief.

Applause.

Get in there. Mom wants pictures.

Daniel, how's work going? You got any shows coming up?

Daniel, over here, ditched us to go

to be some big-time artsy-fartsy photographer

in New York City.

- - Fashion models,

male prostitutes, a lot of blurry stuff.

He's so talented.

I'm impressed.

Don't be. Right now, I'm just

assisting this guy Victor, who takes pictures

for the Restoration Hardware catalog, so...

Yeah, oh, yeah, maybe you guys have heard of Victor.