The Life & Times of Tim

I

You're looking at a man is getting kind of mad. I had a lot to look but it's all been bad

No matter how struggling strife

I'll never get out of this world alive

My fishing poles broke the creek is full of sand my woman run away with another man

No matter how struggling strife

I'll never get out of this world alive

Look who brought a bottle of wine

Yeah, you made it. Yeah, everything looks great. Oh, thank you. Oh my give me a hug little lady. Oh

Tim

Seriously seriously. What's wrong? You don't want to hug my invite said semi-formal. Is that semi-formal? Of course it

Where my jacket you're wearing it over jeans and a t-shirt look around at everyone else

That's the look the look of what Corey Feldman. Didn't you see the evite bro semi-formal?

I saw it. I bought this jacket for the event when in 2003. Yeah, oh my god

Nailed it. I've seen you wear the Southfoot before by the way you wore this at my barbecue like

With a ball in the Southfoot buddy. I remember that Julie you slid into home and did a pooping your shorts

Does anyone have a pair of pants like em borrow?

Wow, nobody has pants to lend me why would people bring two pairs of pants to a party?

I try I try to attend these things. I try to have fun, but you don't try to put the jacket on

I do the whole thing honestly when I saw this pretty girl walk in

I thought the taxi guy that brought her here was walking her in wearing an amazing blazer

Oh Julie you can suck my cock. What? Oh, hey, sorry. What a party. Yeah. Hey, I'm Garvey. Hey Tim

I'm on your side a sharp jacket dresses up any outfit. It's a bold choice to make without the jacket

You're just another homeless guy, but you know how to put it together. Thank you. Look nice

Thank you. Hey

Did I hear someone say that you worked at Omnichorb? Yeah, I do. I'm with junior VP actually

How old are you like 21 25? Are you like one of those geniuses or something? Are you similar? Are you like a minza genius?

Similar. Wow, you know, it's gonna be this kind of party

You look this might be presumptuous, but would you be interested in doing a photo shoot for GQ? You joking?

I am putting together a piece on the face of young corporate America regular guys looking sharp redefining business wear

Just exactly like you are right standing in front of me right now. It's amazing. It's the best night of my life

Let me get your your details and I'm out of here. That's fantastic. Here's a card

Wow people still have cards

So cute too. Hey, there you are

I guess what yours truly here was just asked to pose for GQ

Why what what do you mean surprising turn of events? No

Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it you will see it and you will believe it

If you say so I hate to say suck on that, but why don't you suck on that?

I just can't understand why they'd be more interested in you then someone like me handsome

Accomplished they're going for me this time, but you're not you're not good to look at

Not a lot of people a lot of people think I'm great looking really cool. There's a couple

I don't have names off the top of my head. It's raw to name

Janet who's Janet

Sue

Name just kind of people think I'm good looking. That's the bottom line

Listen, it's not to knock you. It's just that the just of the article is the face of young corporate America

They want guys who are skyrocketing to try to suggest that I'm just not young

I mean, I'm younger than you wouldn't you think? Can I just have permission to go do it

But listen if they change their minds, I'll be lurking awkwardly nearly shoot at all times. I would expect nothing less

This is happening you're gonna be in good hands. This is Maxi right here

He's gonna photograph you and I'll be around if you need me. Sounds good. Yeah break away

So you're max hey shut it. It's maxi you heard him say maxi right? Oh, I'm sorry. Okay, so don't call me max

Max is a name for like butchers. Oh or like a dog you see on the street that somebody's yelling at for taking a shit all over the place

Wow maxi it is so which one of these outfits is speaking to you Tim. I was gonna say something

None of these are really my style. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh my god. Did I mess up? Are you gonna insult me? No, it's just I can see it

It's just I didn't realize you come when you came in here in like dollar-apowned clothes that that was something you thought was style

I'm just saying I can't pull off some of these looks Tim. I'm about to do you the biggest favor in your whole life

Oh really? Yep. What are you doing trust me? No, no, please say goodbye to the old you Tim boom

It would have been better if the clothes had gone down the toilet. Yeah, you get the point

Do I here we go Tim this is the new secret weapon of your fashion arsenal a junkie scarf

chunky scarf I can't wear chunky scarf chunky scarf. They're gonna make fun of me shut your stupid face hole and put this junkie scarf on

All right guys you look a little bit more confused than normal. Let me explain GQ is here. There's a photo shoot everybody cooperate

What are they photographing?

There's really no better way to say this Tim Tim Tim that's bullshit. I know. He's the worst dressed person here

Stan I have it duly noted seriously. I mean I'm friends with the guy, but GQ come on

Hey

Wow good or well bad?

Great nice. I gotta say it. You're not gonna make fun of the scarf. No, I was actually going to the pants

Your butt looks really good. No, so the super flattering nice curved. Yeah, I like the way it cups. I'd cook muffins for you

Is that a you familiar? I would do reverse Asian cowgirl with you right now took a little far, but this is exciting all right. Let's shoot this

How's this? How's this Tim? Okay, look you getting what you need now Tim

I'm like this because every time I take a picture of you it looks like you just had a fart and you think something wet came out

Okay, that's the face you're making you don't like the hands in the pocket

I don't like the hands in the pockets. I don't like the clenched butt. I don't like how much you're sweating

I'm gonna be honest with you Tim. Where is your confidence? What do you mean right now? You look like you're watching your girlfriend

Fuck the drummer from ponjovey

Tico Torres. Yes. Why him in particular? Excuse me. I'm really sorry to interject here, but I'm a confident handsome very young man

You sir are perfect. Excuse me take off that jacket and you sit in this chair

All right, why not? I mean, I like modeling. It's going on here. This is the scenario. Okay Tim

Sir, you are the incompetent employee Tim. I want you to scream at him. Okay, right into his stupid face

Okay, I don't think anybody necessarily would believe that this face is stupid that everything that comes out of it sounds stupid

Wow, well my met as match. Okay, so here we go. Just roll with it Tim. Just let whatever comes out come out

Hey, you incompetent buffoon

Yeah, this is good. This is good. I had to bend you over and

Reem you're from behind. Okay, well that's that's too much. It's taking it in direction. It's a little weird to be excessive and derogatory

Okay, Tim. I just want to say you're doing great. Thank you very much. I feel confident. You look confident. How's the scarf? It is good

Amazing. You know who wears a scarf like that. Oh Tico Torres

Wow Tim. He says you did a great job. You got past looking awkward nougat and came out of your shell eventually and that's

I'm glad you came around man. I honestly feel like a new man altogether

I can't wait for my girlfriend to see me like this. Well, you can't keep the clothes. Oh, no, I got to keep the clothes

Those are expensive clothes. Come on, Garves. Come on, Val. No, I'm shortening my name. Just to make it happen

Listen, can we just go over there maybe take one more shot at her office? Yeah, it's like a executive hailing a cab

Ducking into another office. Maxi. I believe I have you the whole day. No problem. Well, then let's make this happen

Tim take your victory lap champ. All right. I'll here we go max. Do not call me max. I totally

I have asked you

All right, let's get a shot over here for GQ and let's get a few in the lobby for the GQ shoot with me

Tim oh, hey Amy. Oh, is this your office? What are you doing here? Oh, we're shooting in different buildings around town. Oh, Julie. Hey, you're here

Yeah, you I work with Amy from I forgot. I'm just so caught up in the fashion world

What are you doing? I'm just shooting for GQ, you know, that's happening. I thought you were kidding

Do I look like I'm kidding with this chunky scarf around my neck?

Tim for once in your life. You don't look like a complete imbecile

Nice or ways to phrase a compliment, but thank you

What a great day. Was it?

Yes, I'm gonna need those clothes back now. I gotta go and change I guess

You flushed my clothes. Was that you? That was me. Oh, feels like forever. All right. I can just bring him back tomorrow

Fine, here's the card. Give him to Garvey yourself then, all right. Oh cool. Just go to GQ. Yeah, nice

I'd be fun to see the place. All right. Don't get weird

GQ is in a studio apartment above a deli

Garvey where am I? Oh, Tim. What are you doing here? What am I doing here? I thought I was going to GQ

Here you are

You're right. I am. This isn't GQ. I'm GQ. Garvey Quantil bomb. This isn't happening

You told me I was doing a shoot for GQ magazine

GQ what GQ magazine you told me you magazine you thought I was talking about the magazine. Oh my god

Oh my god. This is not good. Why would you think I am a magazine? Why would you do this to me? Why would you ruin my life?

I didn't do anything. Oh, you assume weird things

Wait, what is that? What is that?

Tim, I'm gonna be straight with you. Okay. I'm riding an expose of OmniCorp

But those files I stole are useless if you'll give me an interview about OmniCorp's corporate malfeasance

I'll try to get you into the hallowed pages of GQ

magazine

See how I said that I appreciate the clarity, but could you even do that? I have a lot of friends over there. I used to work there

Oh really? Yes, I worked there for a quarter

For a quarter of a year? Yeah, they break it up into quarters over there

So he says my picture could still possibly get in GQ if I cooperate with him. What a

Go for it really you don't owe OmniCorp anything if I talk they'll find out they'll come me

They'll never find out you're an anonymous source. You think yeah rule number one of journalism

You can't reveal your anonymous sources. I like that do it

I mean plus I got to say from where I'm standing. It's the socially responsible thing to do don't pretend

Okay, that you're trying to do something here. I'm not part of the solution. I'm not part of the problem

Tim and I look good doing it

Tim is that you hey

Tim what are you doing? Where are we in a parking garage in Brooklyn? We could have come to your apartment. What is this amateur hour?

Yeah, it is why are waiting apartment lower your voice lean against something and let's do this. Oh boy

You want to dive into this? Let's do it. Okay very loud talker. OmniCorp is closing the San Francisco office

Are they outsourcing jobs?

San Francisco I didn't know we had an office there

Where did you think the office was on the west coast?

Phoenix I didn't know we had one. I'm sorry. I didn't think I'm going to go. Okay, let's go the next question

OmniCorp stock. Why does it keep rising even after failing to meet quarterly earning forecast?

Why are the stocks rising

I

Say it's the I didn't know you could buy stock on OmniCorp to be honest

Is this your way of getting out of the answer? I thought we were owned by pizza hut

You did not think that you think pizza hut OmniCorp sounds like something smaller just pizza

Could just want I read it on something. I've stood on some paper

I think you ordered pizza hut one day and it was sitting on top of your paper. That might have been it

Hey, you know what Tim? I think I got everything that I need everything really yeah