King of the Hill

Ripped By mstoll

I am not looking forward to work today.

Joe Jack is on some kind of crazy diet

and he keeps asking me how his jeans are fitting.

Hello, office slaves.

Hello.

My boss is letting me telecommute.

You know what that word means, stupid hillbillies?

It's English for "work from home."

Look at me, in bathrobe, already dressed for work.

Well, that's asinine.

Work and home were intended to be enjoyed separately.

I see from your face that you are see thing with jealousy.

Well, so long, slaves.

So long.

Y Venezuela tiene la pelota al centrocampo .

Oh! Pass it to Hernandez.

Aah! What are you doing?!

Pass it to Hernandez!

The only part of soccer I like

is when the announcer yells "Goal."

Well, then, you're going to love this announcer.

He used to make his living blowing up bounce houses.

I will bet you he'll go 15 seconds.

15 seconds?!

That's crazy.

I'll take that bet.

What are we betting for?

Hmm.

Bragging rights.

What are bragging rights?

Bragging rights is the sanctioned ability

to gloat insufferably,

usually for a prescribed period of time.

Gomez pasa la pelota a Hernandez .

¡Qué golazo!

Gooooooal!

Seven seconds.

I win.

I... am the champion!

I do believe I will exercise my rights now.

Oh, oh, you know, I hurt my foot brag dancing.

I think I need some Dr.

Schoooooll's!

And David in the I.T. Department

is a big-time dumbo.

Oh, big-time.

If you have nothing else to do,

than tell me how co-workers should do their jobs,

maybe you can help me clean.

My daddy is coming today.

I thought the General wasn't coming until end of the week.

He took control of homeowner's association

earlier than planned.

It was Daddy's first bloodless coup.

He's really mellowing out.

I hope so.

He treats me so bad, Minh, and in my own house.

Oh, he doesn't mean anything by it.

It's just his way.

Besides, he cosigned our loan,

so kind of his house, too.

I know.

Ah!

So is it true Minh's dad used to work for a dictator?

Several dictators, and then he worked for Pac Bell.

There's the General's taxi.

Do I look okay?

D-Don't loiter here.

Go home.

Eat some butter.

Welcome, General.

I forgot how handsome you are.

Stand down, descendant of fishermen.

Fishermen! MINH: Daddy!

Oh, sa baldee , djai hin!

This is for you.

So sweet.

I'll put right next to elephant dressed as ninja.

So... you're good with computers?

Yes. Then put MP3s in my watch!

I want talk radio and Frank Sinatra!

Well, that's not how it work...

Do it! Drag and drop!

But l... Drag and drop!

This watch isn't even digital!

You should have married Phoukong Vivarad.

He was VP of Acquisitions at Ingersoll Rand.

Now he's Senior VP.

Daddy, you like teasing Kahn too much.

All I'm saying is you and Connie

would have been better off if you married Phoukong.

Uh...

I wouldn't exist if she married Phoukong.

Is that what your dad told you?

Kahn! (yelling in Laotian)

You have to help me.

You got any Red Rooster Sauce for General?

I forgot to buy some and now he's on a rampage.

Uh, I'm not sure what you're asking me for.

Hot sauce! Now!

I have this weird feeling.

I think it's sympathy for Kahn.

Yeah. Know what you mean.

Mm-hmm.

Who wants a beer?

Me. Sounds good. Yeah, man.

Okay, General, got it.

I'm not a man.

Uh, but do you want spicy, extra-spicy,

or one where rooster look really mad?

Hello?

Is the bar next door any good?

Oh, hot danger... I'm not messing with that guy.

Ted, that was so amazing!

: Sometimes I wish guys could have,

like, a friendship marriage.

I did not know you liked karaoke, Kahn.

Oh, anything to get away from my father-in-law.

It's terrible at home, Ted.

Anyone ever make you feel like you're less of a man?

Feel?

Kahn, the wonderful thing about karaoke

is it's an emotional outlet

but it still allows us to maintain proper distance.

Please,

save it for the stage.

It's cathartic.

Trust me.

Uh...

number 128, I guess.

(slow, soulful pop intro playing)

Encore! Encore!

ALL (chanting): Encore!

Encore! Encore!

: No.

No, sorry, got to go see father-in-law.

Encore!

Encore!

Ah, forget him.

Who wants more Kahn?

Hello, happy family.

Where are my condiments?!

Sorry, General, it's in everybody's Bloody Marys.

Ah!

I was a big hit at the karaoke bar in Little Laos.

The crowd loved me.

They even took my picture and put it on the "W all of Fame."

Wow, Dad!

That's so cool!

Yeah!

Kind of reminds me of the rebel with shiny shirt and pompadour

I met at disco in Laos.

Don't be so happy with yourself.

You're just singing someone else's songs.

No skill involved.

Unlike poetry.

I shall now recite a poem I wrote

while awaiting trial at The Hague.

So much depends

upon inhumanity...

and death.

We must not forget

yet we cannot remember.

Death be not proud?

Then who?

So, after you finished your song,

did you smash your air guitar?

I'm sorry, Connie,

we must respect our elders and listen to his poem.

Please, General, continue.

I'll tell you later how I jump into the crowd.

That's the way I'd do it.

You'd save a load on a casket,

though the cannon might be expensive.

Hello, Hank Hill.

I accidentally got some of your mail.

Hey, I've been waiting for Snap-On

to send me their catalog for years.