Basket Case

- (Clunking noise) - Who's there?

'Glenn's Falls Police Department.'

This Dr. Lifflander. I want someone to...

Hello. Can you send someone to... Hello! Hello!

God.

- (Glass breaks) - (Heavy breathing)

Oh, God. No, no.

- (Heavy breathing) - I've got a gun.

I'll shoot. Get out, or I'll shoot.

Smokes. I got joints and bags. Nickel and dime bags.

Gold Colombia smoke.

I got acid, blotters, rainbows, windowpanes, speed, downs,

Seconal, Valium, mescaline, THC.

I've got some good cocaine. Quaaludes. Beauties. Methergine.

Cheap Panama red. Angel dust. Check it out, man.

Tranquilizers, anabuse, lithium, Thai sticks.

Methadone, rock red, junk, morphine.

What you want, some girls?

I got some nice... What the fuck is wrong with you anyway, man?

He saw him with Dirty Lou. You remember him.

He looks like Sparkle in the comics.

Dirty Lou, Dirty Lou. The name sounds so familiar.

Wait a minute. Did he get run over?

It was suicide. He hailed a cab.

When it pulled up to the curb, he jump in front of us.

Get out of here. You're full of crap.

Company.

- I'd like a room. - For how long?

I'm not sure.

Couple of hours. Couple of years, what?

Give me a hint.

- A few days. - You by yourself?

Yes, alone. By myself.

All alone in this cold, cruel world.

20 bucks at night. In advance.

And if you pay by the day, it's due at noon.

And I don't want no junkies in here,

because this is a respectable hotel.

I just need a place to stay.

- What's in the basket? - Clothes.

He's smuggling in a case of booze.

He's going to throw us a party.

- Room 7. Third floor. - Great.

20 bucks.

Oh. Right. Um.

- This stuff real? - Huh?

- Did you see that? He's loaded. - So are you.

Hi, I'm Josephine. What room are you in?

- Seven. - Oh, you're so lucky.

That's the best room in the place.

It was lived in by a little old lady

who only went out on Sundays.

She lived there for ages.

Used to tell everyone she was rich.

Owned oil wells in Texas.

Had millions and was hiding from her relatives

who were trying to steal it from her.

She'd creep up to you and say,

"They're trying to take my money,

"but they don't know where I am."

Oh, everyone though she was nuts.

Then one day,

she appeared in the lobby dressed in furs and jewels.

Said she was leaving to tour the world.

She paid her bill and left. No one's heard from her since.

We're here.

Is there any place I can get something to eat around here?

Nothing too fancy, I hope.

- No, just pizza or burgers... - Yeah, plenty.

There's one right across the street.

Great, thanks.

Got you something to eat.

Take your time, there's plenty.

Finished already?

Damn. Kutter's name isn't listed.

Well, Needleman must have the number.

You're not going to pace the floor all night, are you?

No I don't want to talk now. Go back to sleep.

Oh, come on. Gotta get up early.

Yeah. Yeah.

We've been through this before, you know.

Look, I'm not going to stay up half the night talking.

It's 3:30 in the morning. Go back to sleep.

I'm not going to debate this. Now good night.

For Chrissake, shut up and let me get some sleep.

Always waits

until I'm asleep to start a conversation.

Oh great.

Last week you were in the dumb waiter.

This week it's keyholes.

Shh.

- There's somebody in there. - Well, I figured that.

You should see. He's got a lot of bills. Like this.

Oh, give me a break.

He's carrying them around loose. In his... in his pocket.

You've got two seconds before I start pounding on his door.

No, wait, wait.

- One... - I'm going, I'm going.

Keyhole peek.

Cockroaches as big as big as dogs.

Saxophones playing at four o'clock in the morning,

and that crazy broad across the hall.

Winos pissing on my doorstep. I mean...

Just a minute.

Hi. I live across the hall.

Well, the reason I'm bothering you is...

I don't what you to think

I go round butting into people's business.

But somebody's been snooping around your door.

You know, peeking through the keyhole and shit.

So if you've got anything of value in there,

like money or something,

I wouldn't leave it laying around.

Right. Sure.

I can't stand to see somebody get ripped off,

especially without a fighting chance.

- My name's Casey. - Dwayne Bradley.

Nice meeting you, Dwayne Bradley.

What the hell you doing in this dump?

It was the first hotel I came to.

Obviously a hard man to please. Where you from?

- Upstate. - Oh. First time in New York?

Yeah.

Listen, let's go for a drink sometime.

- OK, sure. - Catch you later, kid. Bye.

C'mon, we got to pay a little visit

to a doctor friend of ours.

So the drugstore said he never should've prescribed it

to me in the first place.

It's the wrong drug. I'm allergic to it.

That's terrible. Does he know you're allergic?

Well, he should. It's the second time

he gave me the wrong prescription.

The first time was just as bad.

Oh, my goodness.

I'll be right with you. It's this typewriter.

It looked terrible.

First I got dizzy, then I couldn't breathe,

then my throat felt like it was on fire.

Well, you make sure and tell all this to the doctor.

Give me the wrong prescription.

OK. This is the one.

- (Buzzing) - Hear that?

Sounds like something grinding inside?

And the carriage won't return. Yesterday it was squeaking,

like if a mouse was caught inside.

Real high-pitched.

Like, ring-ring-ring, ring-ring-ring...

I don't know anything about typewriters.

I just want to see the doctor.

Oh, my goodness. I'm sorry.

I just assumed.

Well, I didn't think you were a patient.

I'm expecting someone to fix the typewriter this afternoon,

and I just thought... I figured that was your toolbox.

Doctor Needleman's an old friend of the family.

Is there any chance I could see him without an appointment?

He'd tell you no, friend of the family or not.

But as you can see,

we have hundreds of patients waiting to see him,

so we'll just pretend you did call

and have an appointment for 11:30.

- You're next. - Thanks.

- What's your name? - Dwayne Bradley.

Oh, don't write that.

I want to surprise him, and he'd recognize that name right away.

Put down something like Smith. Dwayne Smith.

He'll appreciate this. He's a million laughs.

OK, and you fill out the rest.

What's in the basket? Easter eggs?

Just visiting New York, or...

Yeah, this is my first time.

So have you gone to the Empire State Building yet

and the Statue of Liberty?

- No, I haven't had the time. - Haven't had the time?

Well, what about Radio City Music Hall or the UN?

- Had time for them? - No, I, I...

What about the World Trade Towers?

Or the trolley cars?

It's not that I don't want to, but...

The Met. The Cloisters. Scrummage Chinese.

It's just that I don't know where anything is.

Well, if you need a tour guide, I'd be happy to volunteer.

We'll even buy you some 3D postcards

and an 'I Love New York' T-shirt.

You're next.

Come in. Mr...

Smith.

Smith.

Mr. Smith. What seems to be the problem?

My chest. I've got this pain and...

Uh-huh.

Well, why don't want you put whatever that is down.

Take off your shirt, step in there. Have a seat.

So? What did he give you, 48 hours to live?

No, we just had a nice chat.

- Was he surprised? - Oh yeah.

Very.

Anyway, getting back to what we were talking about before,

I get off here tonight here at 7:00.