Black Mirror

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Hello.

Just tell me what's happened.

And what is it?

I'll be right down.

What's happened?

Er, Susannah.

Susannah?

Princess Susannah.

Is she all right?

Don't know.

Don't kill me.

Please don't kill me.

Read the statement.

Yes. All right.

On this screen?

That is correct.

I'm Susannah,

Duchess of Beaumont.

Popularly known as Princess Susannah.

I am in a place you... er...

cannot find, held by one you will not trace.

Prime Minister Michael Callow...

Prime Minister Michael Callow my life...

... my life depends on you.

If you do not do precisely as instructed by, um...

by 4pm this afternoon, I will be...

... I will be executed.

Please.

What are you doing? Keep it going.

Prime Minister, at this point, I think it's important to say

that we are 100% certain

that this is, indeed,

Princess Susannah.

Her car was intercepted shortly after midnight,

returning from the wedding of a college friend.

She'd insisted on going.

But you had security on her?

Two PPOs, still unconscious.

Heavy sedative, close range, each with a single puncture wound.

No sign of struggle.

What do they want? Money?

Release the Jihadi?

Scrap Third World debt?

Save the fucking libraries?

We are convinced both the video and the demand it contains are genuine.

What demand?

What Susannah says next...

It concerns you directly, sir.

Just play it.

There is only one demand, and it is a simple one.

At 4pm this afternoon,

Prime Minister Michael Callow must appear on live British television

on all networks, terrestrial and satellite,

and... No!

On all British networks, terrestrial and satellite,

and have full unsimulated sexual intercourse with a pig.

I don't understand!

The video ends with a series of technical

specifications for the broadcast.

Why are you doing this?

Is this joke, right?

"Ha ha, Mike! Ho ho."

It's real.

She said pig.

Sex with a pig.

They want me to have sex with a pig?

Live on television

this afternoon.

But what... ? Who... ?

We're checking with embedded operatives, compiling a list of suspects.

Meanwhile, the demand has been made.

There's not long to formulate our response.

Well, I'm not fucking a pig!

Page one, that's not happening.

Of course.

Absolutely, sir.

Well, have we established a dialogue with this... ?

We can't. There's no e-mail address, no code word.

No channel for negotiation.

So we focus on finding Susannah. We get her back.

However it's done, I don't care. We stop this now.

Everyone's working towards this.

Yes. No. Not everyone. A dedicated core team. This can't go wide.

Keep it so far from the press it's on the other side of Jupiter.

This only exists in this room.

It's already outside it.

If there are hacks sniffing around, shut them down, bright, red, D Notice.

Super fucking Godzilla injunction with ten-inch Whitehall fangs!

This video came from YouTube.

What?

It was uploaded via an encrypted IP an hour ago.

Well, get it off there!

We did after nine minutes, long enough for it to be duplicated and spread.

Spread? How many people have seen this?

We take down one, six clones pop up elsewhere.

How many people?

50,000. That's our current estimate.

The news rooms have got it.

They're running this on air?

No. We put a type five D notice out and they're complying.

For now.

It's trending on Twitter.

Oh! For... fucking internet!

So what now? What's the play book?

This is virgin territory, Prime Minister.

There's no play book.

Princess Susannah's been kidnapped!

You scared the shit out of me!

There's a youtube of it!

Go to work!

And satellite,

... And have full unsimulated sexual intercourse with a pig.

No way. It's a piss take, man. Look at it!

I don't understand!

Why this is on the news?

... Carlton Bloom's controversial exhibition

closes three weeks ahead of schedule...

How do we describe it? "An indecent act"?

Everyone's seen the video. They know the details.

If we mention bestiality Ofcom would be pissed off.

Fuck Ofcom!

We're observing the D Notice.

Surely we're going to do something.

We are honouring the D Notice.

The voluntary D Notice!

It may be a sportsman-like gesture but we are making it.

A woman's life is at stake!

We follow the procedure.

My timeline consists of 100% viewers asking

why we're not covering it. How do I reply?

You don't.

That is totally backwards.

No-one else has broken rank.

Not the Beeb, not Sky, not...

Facebook's coverage is pretty comprehensive!

Maybe

It's like 9/11's happening and

we're broadcasting sandwich recipes.

We're not a chat room!

It's on CNN and Fox.

And MSNBC, Al Jazeera, NHK...

All right.

Oh, God! This planet!

OK, Sarah, cover the snatch itself.

Damon, public reaction. Meera,

the royal angle, upcoming marriage, etc.

Simon, set tone with Standards and Practices.

We need to explain this without viewers sicking up their Weetabix.

Ken, the internet aspect, new paradigm, Twitter, Arab spring, all that.

Dan, all graphics run past me. Keep it functional... no Peppa Pigs.

Malaika, update the princess obit VT.

The Obit VT?

Mm-hm. First, an awkward phone call. Least I can do is warn Tom.

We put a D Notice on it.

It's gone global, Tom.

Don't. I'm begging you.

Don't run it, Martin.

Look, I'm sorry. I can't help you.

You know how much help you're getting hereon in?

Multiply nothing by shit-all! UKN are dead for us!

Shove it up your arse you fucking...

Interesting.

A man.

Man?

A man!

Tom, so you're across it...

I'm exploring contingency plans.

I briefed Callett.

Ah! Mr Callett. Noel, from Blue Eye.

Noel won an Emmy by his effects work on that HBO moon Western thing.

Sea Of Tranquillity.

You won't find better.

Can you map a head onto a body live?

Depends if your camera's moving.

Rule sheet specifies a single hand-held camera in a constant roving motion.

Mm.

Yeah, Gonzo style. He knows his shit. That's tough.

"Fruition to be transmitted in full"?

Focus on the visuals. Different face mapped onto a live performer.

According to those stipulations.

Fringes of possibility...

Deadline's at four. We need to know if it's workable by two.

Can't happen.

It has to.

Our embeds have ruled out the major players. It's not AQ, not IRA.

This is what's left... radicals, hate groups.

People who've threatened yourself or the royals.

They're being pulled in as we speak.

For more than questioning, I hope.

Somebody know something.

If we all do it more, there'll be less waste lying around...

Is it still not on the telly?

Nothing. Must be a hoax.

Or a black-out. Oh! Heads up!