The Weedhacker Massacre

Sweet home Alabamy.

I did it.

I made Gunter Ganja.

Rufus, what you gone and done?

I invented it.

The perfect hemp plant.

We're going to make -a fortune, Dufus.

- Fortune making good quality. - Rope, pulling pigs

out of the mud hole, -tying up animals

and hoisting lumber!

OhMy brother,

Why?

Thanks for doing -this interview,

Sheriff, uh, Dancinshoos.

- Oh. I need you to look right. - This way, please.

Ready?

So tell us, -who are the Gunters?

As I, as I recollect -back in the 1800s,

Dufus Gunter killed his brother

Rufus over a marijuana dispute.

The family then -grew and sold Gunter.

Ganja for over 100 years.

- And how did that affect. - The town of Red Eye?

- The town of Red Eye. - Became the illegal weed

capital of Texas.

And you were the sheriff

- when the WeedHacker. - Massacre happened?

That's correct. Back in 2014.

So what really happened?

They swindled, they bamboozled,

- and they hornswoggled. - The Gunters out of everything.

- And that my friend, is when. - The killing started.

You damn festival organizers.

You stole our fucking marijuana!

I swear, Digger. I didn|t.

Bullshit.

Who took it?

- Tufnel? - (moan)

It was Tufnel.

It was Tufnel.

Skunk!

- You idiot-He didn't tell us. - Where Tufnel is.

Well, I guess I just -like killing too much.

Mayor Dick.

Oww.

- Moron. -Tufnel|s got to be. - Down there somewhere.

- Some college kids are. - Still down there partying.

Just go ahead and -kill everybody.

Wear your Pokerface masks.

Come on, Jackie!

Let me tell you a story.

He was born inside the Bronx,

- but he moved out to the. - ! Sticks, for a college education.

Maybe to settle -down with kids.

But you do crazy -things for love.

It|s love that -makes you go.

Pack a bus full of some -college kids

and take them -to a music festival.

- Well they pulled into -the lot and no one. - Was even there.

- Just the girls who came. - With Willie in his helmet

of some hair and -it all just went to hell

- when the Gunter clan pulled. - In and the bodies piled

- higher than Willie's hair. - Ever could have been.

WeedHacker Willie.

WeedHacker Willie.

WeedHacker Willie, it|s true.

- Well when things get. - Chilly, folks get killie.

Don't be silly.

- Just be glad you're. - Not WeedHacker Willie.

That hair is magical.

It's so soft.

Like a marshmallow.

- Yet he could play football. - Without a helmet.

The great Willie -Wonder joins us.

Leanne, I'm not great yet,

but I will be famous.

- I wonder why they. - Packed up the festival.

I was going to sneak on stage

and do my soliloquy -from Sicario.

Willie Wonder?

Yeah.

And you are?

- Candy Kersey, the holder. - Of a worthless wristband.

- But no, I'm a journalist. - For the Jerrystown Beacon.

Candy. It's nice to meet you.

- Maybe one day you'll write. - A movie review about me.

When you're famous, right?

Willie is an amazing actor.

- He can memorize. - Everybody's part in a play,

and all the actresses want him.

Oh, really?

Well, that hair is amazing.

What do you use to -keep it like that?

It's all created -by nature.

Omigod!

How them bullets

pop out of his head?

Things get chilly.

Folks get killie.

Don't be silly.

- Just be glad you|re. - Not WeedHacker Willie.

Hey, give me that -fucking guitar!

Come on, come on.

Stupid fucking musician.

You're Pokerface, -aren't you?

You steal.

I'm Tufnel, festival boss.

This is mine.

Stop...Kill him!

I'm too young to die.

Oh!

Where are you, Blondie?

Over here, cuz.

It's a shame

- we had to bury the best. - Damn hog in the world here.

Poor Edgar!

Wright!

I hear something.

Come on.

Oh, Uncle Digger,

you shart your undies? ...Fuck you!

The town of Red Eye -Town council

meeting is hereby -called to session.

Councilwoman Jackie, -take roll.

Councilman Digger Gunter?

Yo.

Councilman Skunk Gunter.

Present.

- Councilwoman Jackie's. - Here. Don Gunter?

Not present.

Still out a killin|.

Missing council meetings.

- It's an affront to our. - ! Republican form of government.

We got a quorum?

- We always have a. - Quorum, Mayor Dick.

This town ain't -nothing but Gunters.

Don't get sassy, Jackie.

First order of business.

- Did you find the Ganja seeds. - That those festival assholes

stole from us?

I found Tufnel's body.

And Pokerface -weed hacked him.

But no cash

and no Gunter marijuana.

Hey. I'm serious.

I mean, I'm not -fucking around.

Our family's -livelihood is at stake.

- And you two jackwagons. - Had one job to do.

- And you let that reporter. - Candy Kersey escape.

And what about Pokerface?

He's gonna figure out you

- boys lied to him to get him. - To kil those college kids.

Don't you worry, Mayor Dick.

We'll kill Pokerface -and that Kersey girl.

And don't you go -irrigating your panties.

- Hey, I'll castigate your Lyndon. - Baines Johnson.

Damn pigs!

Enemy.

Hair like mine.

Oh.

Car. Go!

Must save friends.

Me friend?

- Yeah. - Save friends and Candy.

Candy.

You only friend.

Car. Go!

Cargo.

Cargo!

- -

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

What the hell?

Where am I?

Friend.