Drunk Bus

Fred (on radio): What's cooking, fuck chop?

Hey, Fred.

Fred (on radio): You ready for this?

Deb's pregnant again.

Uh, congratulations?

Fred (on radio): Hey, how am I supposed to afford a fifth kid?

Christ almighty.

Were you just not careful or?

Fred (on radio): I don't know.

You know how it is.

Once those bodies start slapping—...

Gross.

Michael: Ah.

Fantastic.

Wait, what did you mean by cadaver?

Uncle Jesse.

What's wrong with that?

What isn't wrong with that?

It's fucked up.

You're supposed to respect your cadaver.

How was that not showing respect?

Uncle Jesse is the hot uncle.

Michael, back me up here.

What?

On your own, man.

Thank you.

See.

Not everyone is morally bankrupt as you are, Justin.

At least we're taking pictures of him

like that guy from last year. — oh, my god.

Yeah.

He had to face the family and apologize.

It was a real black eye to the nursing school.

Anyway, so we're dissecting uncle Jesse's pelvis—...

Let me give you a ride.

It's freezing.

Come on.

Just let me give you a lift.

Do I need to call the cops again, Bob?

Making me work for it, tonight, huh?

Hey, it's fuck you Bob.

Fuck you Bob.

All: Fuck you Bob.

All right. All right.

Dude. Comeon

shut up.

Why do they call him "fuck you Bob"?

Wait for it.

You're all strapped in, Bob.

Fuck you.

Fred: Hey, what's your 20?

Uh, I'm just outside the loop.

I've just picked up Bob here, and he gave

me a run for my money tonight.

Fred: That's stubborn old Bob for you.

But tell him Fred says hi.

He can probably hear you.

He says hi.

Fred: Can seven, which means signing off.

Look at him.

He's all tuckered out.

I love Justin.

He's the best.

Yeah.

My last college didn't have a drunk bus.

It's a great idea.

What made you decide to become a bus driver?

This and, uh, nude modeling are the two

highest paying jobs on campus.

No offense, dude.

I think I'd pick the nude modeling.

Less chance of being puked on, I guess.

Maybe.

Justin tells me you're really into film.

I used to take a lot of polaroids.

Did you study photography?

Photojournalism.

But, uh, I don't, I don't, uh, really do that stuff anymore.

I just transferred here for museum studies.

Our big project this semester is to curate an original art show.

I'm feeling really uninspired.

I'd love to see your work sometime.

So are you seeing someone or?

What?

Oh, yeah.

No.

I just, uh, went through a breakup.

Yeah.

Try nine months ago.

Oh, I knew you were faking.

I'm sorry.

That really sucks.

You guys date long?

Uh, yeah.

Since high school.

Amy applied to kit, so I applied too.

Planning on getting married and everything.

It's stupid.

I don't think that's stupid.

What?

If I did, I'd tell you.

It's a little stupid.

Whatever.

So what happened?

I mean, after, uh, after graduation,

she moved to new York and said that we

should see other people.

Ugh.

Nine months ago.

Uh, thank you, Justin.

Dude.

Got to get a stick together, right?

You've got to stay behind the—— the—— the yellow line.

My boyfriend broke up with me today.

Hey, do you want some water?

He was, oh, this is college.

We're not supposed to be tied down.

Fuck him.

Yeah.

Seriously. Fuck him.

I'm trying to drive.

You can't, you cannot touch my arm I—...

My stomach hurts.

Here.

Take the water.

I think she likes you.

Hey.

Yep.

I know you.

I thought you graduated already.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

No, no, please, please don't throw up in here.

Please.

Please, please sit back.

Oh my god.

Oh, she pooped!

She pooped!

Oh my god!

Ok.

Put that down.

Take a bite.

Is that bacon on a donut?

It is a caramel bacon donut.

They were out of everything else.

Well, that's, that's awesome.

It's ok.

You're awesome, and I think we should do it.

Let's get a place.

I thought you said you weren't ready.

I am ready, and you're right.

We do, we do work really well together.

Cool.

Yeah.

I love you.

I love you too.

Woo hoo!

Is tonight the night?

Lady, you showed me

All the tears you brought me.

Broke my one rule.

You treated me cruel.

Sister: (Muffled) Hello.

Oh. Whoa.

You're awake.

Was just gonna leave you a voicemail.

How's it going?

Sister: Good.

Mom wants you to call her, by the way.

Oh, yeah.

I gotta do that.

Sister: Ok.

So listen, a paid internship just opened up in my office.

Interested?

Dude.

She's gone.

You can't stay in that town forever, waiting,

living with that old loser.

I mean, you graduated.

It's time to just, just come to Chicago and move on.

Please.

Love our talks.

Sister: Come on.

No, I got to go.

Sister: Come on.

Dude.

I really got to pee.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Oh, god.

Oh.

My pee always smells like, uh, movie theatre popcorn.

You know, like, fake, hot butter stuff.

I mean, don't get me wrong.

I will still crush a bucket of that stuff, no questions asked.

I'm just saying, like, if the ushers

decide to pee in the butter.

How would we ever know?

There's no chance we would know.