CRSHD

Whoa.

You okay?

You really-

Your face was like that.

Yeah, I'm fine.

Okay.

I won't hurt your sprint.

I love it.

Yeah, those shoes are dope.

Like we should make an Instagram page for 'em.

What should the handle be?

White Girl, White Boots

I'm gonna start one on it.

Yeah, let's just like, you know, like boots chillin', right?

Okay, boots on the quad.

What did you use to paint these?

Just like a color.

Killin', right?

Okay, boots on the quad.

Boots on the quad baby.

Oh my God, those socks are so good.

GIRL WITH RED Thank you.

You're such a good artist.

Honestly, you're-

- At work, chill 'till two, come hang before lunch.

Dope, see you in an hour or so, Anuka?

Yay, heart emoji.

It's brewed so much that I just like,

I don't know,

I just randomly made them one night when I was really drunk.

Zero percent chance of me losing my virginity tonight,

thumbs down emoji, eggplant emoji.

We made a pact, it's our last night.

We have to hold each other accountable.

Just don't forget, you're the only one who knows.

DWAI, babe, you're secret is safe with me.

Kissy face emoji.

Mark, 22, this could be us.

Jason, 24, TTF only.

Alexander, 27, I'm a real catch.

Albert.

Georgie.

22, I'm cooking pasta

and we can watch a movie with my cat, Snickers.

- Hey. - Shit, sorry.

I must have scared you.

No, I, just didn't see you.

Sorry about that.

So are you ready for the astro test?

Uh.

- I'm really not sure either. - Yeah.

I'm kind of nervous though.

Yeah, I'm getting tense as well.

But you know, that's my demeanor, is always tense.

I don't really know how to react.

I totally get it though, it's like crazy freshman year.

Like, I stay up so late sometime and,

there are regrets.

I feel like I barely got to like open up actually to anyone.

Like see the real me.

That's a totally different story.

Anyway, have you heard about that party happening tonight?

- Yeah. - Hi!

- Wait for me? - I wanna take a shower.

No, just one minute.

- Okay, cool, see ya. - Bye.

Who's that?

I don't know, he's in my astro class.

Look who it is.

Izz, getting down to biz, all sweaty and shiz.

Deb, this is my friend, Izz.

- Hi Izz, nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

You doing anything interesting this summer?

I'm gonna spend the summer with my grandparents

outside Chicago.

I'm trying to pass my drivers' test finally.

You know what they say?

Every time you get in a car, you put your seatbelt on

and every time you have sex,

- you use a condom. - Really, mom?

Like right now?

- She's a sex educator. - Thanks.

Well, time to get this road on the show JuJu.

Bye.

Drive safe my Indian princess.

He's still saying that?

Izzy, look at these notes.

You're totally ready for your final.

It was so easy for me in high school

but this class is killing me.

Can we just have fun tonight?

I'll have fun when I get to Chicago.

Izzy.

You look fine.

It's just a black t-shirt.

Excuse me, these shoes smell like piss.

Um, that's how they all smell, so.

I'm not putting those on my feet.

Yeah okay, well then you can't bowl, so.

Can you just not do that?

We have a very particular way about cleaning about them, so,

that's my job.

Well it seems like a bad way.

Because it still smells like puke.

Cool.

Yeah, if you don't put these on, you can't bowl.

Okay, you can't bowl in your socks.

Why do all the pretty girls also have to be talented?

So much more fair if they all sucked.

Okay, you're acting like you're not pretty and talented.

I mean like your hair's doing

like a funny little thing today but.

Have you seen her Instagram?

Lisa's so hot.

Nolan is so hot.

They're both pretentious.

Come see my lovely art at #crushparty tonight.

What's a crush party?

I don't know.

Be right back.

- Hey, hi. - Hey.

- Hey. - Hey.

Why is everyone so obsessed with her?

Her art isn't even good.

I like her art.

It's cute.

I don't want my art to be cute.

Yeah, your art isn't cute.

I was just looking at your Instagram.

Hmm hmm.

And I was just wondering what a crush party is.

Oh, a crush party is, are you a freshman?

Hmm hmm.

I mean look at her shoes.

She had to paint these as well?

I don't get it.

No one's even gonna be there,

everyone's left for the summer.

Yeah, that's why everyone's gonan be there

specially to bone.

Isn't that like every party?

Also, who says bone?

Uh, I say bone, boning is hot.

It sounds like ET, bone home or throw a dog a bone.

No, it's like come on bone me baby

or like come on, just a quick little bone

before this party tonight.

It sounds awful.

Hey, you're like a monk with a vagina.

That's a nun.

I haven't even started studying.

We made a pact.

Fiona, if I do not pass this test,

I'm literally dead and will lose my scholarship.

- Wait, what pack? - Okay.

You're gonna be stuck with your grandparents all summer.

Um, eating oatmeal and playing like badminton

and massaging their dog when she's constipated, okay.

You need to be freaking DM on getting some dick right now.

Oh she'll do the guy she did last summer.

What's his name?

Travis.

Oh Travis, who is Travis.

Never mind.

- If I submit my crush's name. - Hmm hmm.

They get a specific invitation.

Yes.

And if someone crushes me,

I also get an invite.

Crush party.

There was a dog trapped

inside a sewage plant.

It's unclear how he ended up there.

But everything turned out okay.

He's back home safe with his owners

eating a big bowl of kibble.

Thank you Jeff, in other news,

Huntington Center is hosting

the Midwest succulent convention today.

Hi.

Admission is free

for children under 12...

You need to friend him on Facebook

and then deep like one of his photos.

Deep what?

It's like, you go way back into their photos

and then like one.

So that it sends them a signal that you're stalking them

and that you're interested in them.

I couldn't find the one on Facebook.

I'll try to find tagged photos of him.

My profile reads apathetic with a touch of fuck boy.

It's clear that I took time to curate my page

but not that much time.

I love internet art and I have a tattoo

of my childhood stuffed animal on my bicep

so I have no pictures of no one here.

I sort of forget to update my profile picture.

It's been the same for like two years

and I'm fairly hot but I don't really like to show it off.