Columbo

Lieutenant, I received a letter from Tony.

Well, he's perfectly all right, really.

Uh, how big a ransom did the letter ask for, ma'am?

I must say, the Lieutenant's investigatory procedures...

...do differ somewhat from my own.

Well, that speaks very well for you, Sergeant Wilson.

Hello.

Mrs. Goodland?

Yes?

Mrs. Tony Goodland?

Who is this?

Never mind.

But I just wouldn't go anyplace if I was you.

Your old man, he just bought himself some trouble.

He's what? Come on, what are you talking about?

Just stay put, lady! If he pays up, no hard feelings.

If he don't... we'll be in touch with you.

Get in touch? What is this?

Tony!

Tony?

Hello!

Whom?

Mrs.Tony Goodland. And if my husband is there, Miss West,

I'd like to speak with him, please.

Well, why would you... I mean, what makes you...

I know what you mean, dear, and you know what I mean.

Now, is he there or isn't he?

Well, he certainly is not! Now, I was at one time Tony's...

Mr.Goodland's receptionist employee, Mrs.Goodland,

and that is absolutely all!

I know all about your skills at the office.

Just tell me where Tony is.

Why, I don't know where he is! Honest, Mrs.Goodland, I...

Jarvis? I'm looking for Tony.

Ah, sweet Catherine! Looking for Tony, are you?

My! What a pleasant surprise for him.

Tell me, my dear, have you tried your own home?

I am home.

Well, a double surprise.

Jarvis, look. I'm not in the mood for playing badminton right now.

I got a weird phone call a couple of minutes ago, and I...

Did you? One of your friends?

Damn it, Jarvis! Will you listen?

Oh... Sounds quite lethal, doesn't he?

Well, I tell you, Cathy, why don't you wait an hour,

and if Tony doesn't come weaving in by then,

why don't you call the authorities?

Yes, of course! The police!

Drunks and errant husbands are their special province, I believe.

Not at all, my dear.

Oh, and Cathy, assuming nothing is wrong with Tony,

it's been my pleasure to hear you so upset, my dear.

Torpedoes running straight, hot, and normal.

Why do you always have to talk to her like she was some kind of...

Well, isn't she?

I've told you before, knock off that stuff.

And the word for you is still "gullible."

Why do you insist upon being in love with a wife...

...who spends all your cash on some skiing instructor!

Maybe, I've fooled around a little bit myself!

In self defense, dear boy!

Of course, you are embarrassingly weak and far too decent to...

...compete with your Catherine the Great.

Uncle Jarvis, I'm warning you!

I don't wanna hear any more talk about...

Look, this whole thing better work. It just better work, that's all.

Oh, it'll work. I planned it.

And now, let's be off to conclude Phase 1, shall we, nephew?

Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.

What if... what if Cathy calls you back again later?

She'll get a busy signal.

I thought I told you to listen to the police calls.

I have been. I just turned it off.

Then, turn it on again.

... three-car collision at the corner of Sepulveda and...

Now, what about tomorrow night?

I make the first phone call to Cathy between midnight and 12:30.

From?

That roadside phone just below here.

And the second call?

20 minutes later from the same phone.

To you, in the gas station on Wilshire.

Good.

Boo! It's gonna feel like Halloween wearing this thing.

Now, don't forget to wear these.

We don't want some clod trying to match footprints.

Now, where's the letter?

Here, I... I copied straight from your draft.

Word for word?

Yes.

What about fingerprints?

Only mine on the letter and the envelope.

... Anthony Goodland, age 31,

Hey, listen!

Driving yellow sports car, chrome spoke wheels, license ZZ0324.

All cars, report if subject located...

Well, we are in business. And now, dear nephew, to Phase 2.

Listen, Jarvis...

Couldn't we just hide the Jag? That thing cost me a bundle.

Did it cost you 300,000 dollars?

Headlights off?

I know.

Dashboard clock set back to 12:18!

Windows up.

Emergency brake off?

Yes.

Flaps up, wheels down.

Would you mind?

Well, don't just stand there! Push!

Come on!

The end of a perfect day.

Look. Hey, mister, didn't you see me signaling?

I'm a cop, sir.

Right, you're a cop.

Now look, can you back this up and move it down the hill...

Officer, you don't understand...

Lieutenant, don't worry about your car, the officer will move it for you.

Officer, right now!

Lieutenant?

This way, sir.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

Oh, sir, may I?

Oh, fine.

Sir, the vehicle's point of descent is right over there.

You'll notice the skid marks, of course.

These are the... these are the second set of skid marks here?

No, sir, the second set is right over here.

It's a bigger, heavier vehicle.

Of course, I don't have to tell you that, sir.

Oh, please, you could tell me.

Well, the smaller vehicle is the vehicle that descended into the canyon.

Here, I'll show you the quickest way down.

Lieutenant?

It's a little... steep!

Yes, sir. Sir?

But I'll tell you, it was the quickest way down.

Oh, yes, by far.

Here, sir.

Thank you.

This is the car right here, sir.

Subject vehicle a Jaguar, registered to subject person...

...of last night's missing person report, Anthony Goodland.

Male Caucasian, residing 11 Hightower Road.

Discovered approximately one hour ago...

...by two juveniles taking a shortcut to school.

You want their names, Lieutenant?

What? Who? I'm sorry?

The juveniles. I have their names right here when you need them.

Yeah, very good... very good.

Yes, sir.

Soil moisture tests beneath subject vehicle indicate...

...residual dew, indicating in turn...

...that subject vehicle has been here since last night.

That is substantiated by subject vehicle's electric clock,

which stopped running at 12:18.

Bullet hole in window on driver's side,

but no blood, indicating preliminarily that bullet missed.

Bullet slug lodged in back of passenger seat.

Lights, ignition, emergency brake, all off.

Well, sir... I guess I don't have to tell you what this all adds up to.

Adds up to? Yes, you could tell me.

As I reconstruct it, sir,

Mr.Goodland was halted by the shot you were looking at there,

forced out of the car, which was then pushed over the side.

This to conceal the fact that he was grabbed by a person or persons unknown.

That jibe with your thinking, sir?

Uh... I was wondering, could you tell me your name?

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, sir.

Detective Sergeant Frederic Wilson, sir.

Please forgive my rudeness.

No, that's perfectly all right.

One year's experience Homicide,

two years' Advanced Police School, Berkeley.

Returned to city Homicide, 6th July.

Well, you're a very efficient officer. I can see that.

Thank you, sir.

With permission from Captain Ritchie to work right alongside you, sir.

You're gonna work along with me?

I do hope that's acceptable to you, sir, I...

Captain Ritchie did say...

...you were fast becoming a legend in the department.

Captain Ritchie said that?

Oh, yes, indeed.

Oh...

Uh... do you have a pocket knife?

Yes, sir.

Would you hold this for me?

Oh, certainly, sir.

I wonder why he said that.

I beg your pardon?

Captain Ritchie. He said that?

About you? Oh, repeatedly, sir.

I wonder why he said that.

Thank you.

I wonder if you could get this over to the crime lab as soon as possible.

Oh, yes, sir.

Uh, this fella have a wife? Does she know about this?

I suggested they wait...

until you made your preliminary report, sir.