Scrubs

During your first year, things begin to feel different.

You've arrived. You know? You just start to feel...

I'm open.

- ...cooler. - My God!

- Turk, that was amazing! - Woman, shush.

It's a lot cooler if we don't make a big deal out of it.

Hang on, Ma. It's him.

- Whatever. - JD!

The point is, we've found our stride.

We know all the ins and outs.

Shall we? And...

My God! Which one of you two did that?

- My bad. - That was me.

- Both of you? - Player!

Could we have an agreement? No enclosed spaces.

- Morning, doctors. - Morning, sir.

Mrs Winston, it's back to the home for you.

- Elliot, that is disgusting. - Seriously.

Sweetheart, consider a change in diet.

Fine. I hate you guys. I hate you, I hate you.

Let's face it. We've earned the right to be a little cocky.

- Jerome! - What up, dawg?

My man!

Who the hell's Jerome?

And I gotta tell you, nobody can take this feeling away.

Nobody.

Thank goodness, it's the Mod Squad.

After months of doing everyone else's scut work,

we're finally not the lowest people on the totem pole.

Look at you three, all excited.

Today we get our very own med students.

Welcome to Hell.

Gimme some hungry chicken.

Not hungry enough. Give me some more.

There you go.

Look how scared they are.

It's like we're cheetahs and they're a pack of gazelles.

I'm Dr Bob Kelso, and I'm your Chief of Medicine.

I want to encourage you all to think of me as your safety net.

Because I promise you, we're a family here.

Let's go get 'em, doctors.

They're buying it.

''The Devil's greatest trick was convincing the world he didn't exist.''

Baby

Girl

- You two are dorks. - I gotta go.

I gotta go meet up with my med student up in Surgery.

Know who you're getting?

Nope, but it's probably someone black.

- Sugar darlin' - Girl

So, I want someone I can be friends with, you know?

I hope I get a jerk. I took so much crap as a med student

that I've been waiting for the day I get to make someone suffer.

Listen, nurse.

I'm looking for a Dr Elliot Reid.

I'm Elliot Reid.

Guy's name, guy's job, guy's clothes...

Anything else you wanna tell me?

Goody! You're a jerk.

Just remember to breathe, and you'll get through the day.

Josh? Hi, I'm Dr Dorian.

I know what this looks like, but...

I do that all the time.

Do you ever part your hair on the wrong side

to see what you look like to other people?

No.

It totally messes everyone up.

Do you have any questions?

What's the babe situation like here?

Easy, tiger.

Have you seen a med student here?

Yeah. Me.

Cool. Nice to meet you, ma'am.

Actually, the only people that call me ''ma'am'' are nobody.

No. I use ''ma'am'' all the time. Watch.

What up, ma'am?

- See? It's my thing. - Yeah, right.

Come on. I'm here to learn.

Listen up, kid. Lesson number one:

All surgical interns? They're dogs.

- Not a problem. - Hey, baby.

This overbearing machismo is usually just compensation for a lap-pinkie.

That's cold!

What just happened?

Don't worry about it. It's all good in the 'hood.

I'll tell you what I expect. You parted your hair on the other side?

You're gonna do H & Ps, write admission orders...

What are you doing?

I can't walk and write at the same time.

- It makes me nauseous. - A famous doctor once said,

''Show me a med student that only triples my work and I'll kiss his feet. ''

Philip, I need you to shave his groin so I can place a femoral triple-lumen.

I'm not so much with the ''shavin' a guy's curlies''.

If you get just one bad evaluation from me,

it'll torch your class rank, so do what I tell you.

And if I ask you to shave a groin,

thank your lucky stars that I said ''shave''.

I'll tell you what.

I'll lather you up, and you think about baseball.

Natural redhead.

I'll need you to change the dressing on the fem bypass in 402,

and DC the staples on the gastroplasty in post-op.

I have no idea what you just said.

I'm kidding.

Looks like you won the med student raffle there, pal.

- Introduce me. - Excuse me?

You give me her name and tell her my name,

or you go her name, my name, my name, her name.

No. You like Carla.

Do you actually listen to yourself when you speak,

or do you find you drift in and out?

Fine. Then I'm gonna go ahead

and continue to focus all my energies on Carla.

Listening, watching...

...waiting.

Dr Cox, Kristen. Kristen, Dr Cox.

Josh, I asked you to get this guy's history an hour ago.

It should've taken five minutes.

We were just talking. This guy, he is the bomb!

OK. Bye-bye. Moving on.

Help someone else. I'm sorry about that.

Relax, Bambi. Be nice to Thumper.

He wrote ''The guy sweats when he exercises.''

- I do. - I'll call Ripley's!

Relax. It's just one mistake.

Relax, Bambi.

It's just one mistake.

- Good night, Thumper. - Cool! Great first day, Dr Dorian.

Yeah, it was.

- Relax. It's just one mistake. - Yes! They're each one mistake.

Put 'em all together, it makes four million.

Did you just snap at me? Because I think he just snapped at me.

- I'm sorry. - Yeah, you are.

Carla, I gotta go home.

You have to co-sign all these orders,

fill out a vascular consult on bed three and get a tox screen for Mrs O'Brien.

- But Josh did all this. - Honey, I don't think so.

Mrs O'Brien, I'm afraid I'm gonna need a urine sample.

I hope you're taking very good care of my hospital.

You're darn tootin'.

Jackass. Dr Reid, say hello to Whitaker Chambers.

- What up? - ''What up''?

Whitaker Chambers is the CEO

of the corporation that owns this hospital,

so I suggest you stop acting like LL Cool Reid

and start acting like Dr Reid.

You dig?

- Why would he want to meet me? - Hey, Dad.

Hey, son!

Poopies.

- It was really nice to meet you. - Same here, doctor.

I'm sorry. Dr Cox,

I was gonna take Kristen out for a beer after work.

Would you like to join us?

No. I can't do it.

No!

- Is he OK? - Not really.

Dr Dorian?

Your roommate let me in.

Cool dead dog. Can I pet him?

Is he kidding?

I came by because I know I didn't do so great yesterday...

What is it that tipped you off?

Was it your inability to perform even the simplest task?

I'll bet it was that I got home 20 minutes ago

because I spent the entire night cleaning up after you.

I'm sorry. I was just really scared.

You know what, Josh? You should be scared.

Because I gotta be honest with you.

I don't think you got what it takes.

Do you?

I didn't think so.

I'm still not gonna feel bad about what I said to Josh.

You don't scare me, woman.

I'm so sorry. I'll apologise at rounds.

Nurse Roberts, have you seen Josh?

The tall skinny one? He quit.

Nice job, Bambi.