Brassic

The following programme contains very strong language and adult humour.

What do you wanna talk about? Betrayal.

(ON VIDEO) Manolito wants our weed.

(ON VIDEO) Manolito wants our weed.

He wants to get rid of the MacDonaghs, divide and conquer.

Listen, Manolito knows.

He knows that you know about him. Be careful.

Fuck it.

Fuck it.

Vin. Vin. Vin. Vin. Vin!

A situation has arisen with Vincent O'Neill.

Do whatever you need to do.

# BARRETT STRONG: Money (That's What I Want) #

# BARRETT STRONG: Money (That's What I Want) #

# The best things in life are free

# The best things in life are free

# But you can give them to the birds and bees

# I need money # That's what I want

# I need money # That's what I want

# That's what I want # That's what I want

# That's what I wa-a-nt # That's what I want

# That's what I wa-a-nt # That's what I want

# That's what I want # That's what I want...

Let's have a look. It's erotic.

Let's have a look. It's erotic.

# I need money # That's what I want

# That's what I want # That's what I want

# That's what I want # That's what I want

# That's what I wa-a-nt # That's what I want

# That's what I want # That's what I want... #

# That's what I want # That's what I want... #

Now then...

Now then...

What the fuck?

Clingfilm?

"Ooh, let me see you stretch those legs apart.

"Ooh, let me see you stretch those legs apart.

"And bend over." Oh, no.

"Ooh, yeah... Ooh, yeah." Oh, no, please, no.

Dirty motherfucker.

Dirty motherfucker.

Go on, stretch it, love. Go on.

"I'm bad news." Oh, God.

I thought the plan were to plant these at Manolito's.

It was, but then we had a really serious upside-downy crash.

It was, but then we had a really serious upside-downy crash.

So, we need a minute now, love. Listen, these minges paintings

need putting on fucking ice, you know.Hang on, hang on, hang on,

Whitney Houston, we have a problem. What's the problem?

Whitney Houston, we have a problem. What's the problem?

The problem is thus, Ashley. That fucking massive canvas is not

gonna fit down a tiny little hole, is it?Course it will.

You just need to... angle it in.

You just need to... angle it in.

Erin, Erin, it doesn't matter about angling,

it's fucking physics i'nt it, love? Shut up! It's fucking open?

Why is it open? Who left that up?

Stretch and pull.

Stretch and pull.

"Stretch, stretch it, pull, pull!"

Doors wide open and all the fucking lights on.

Someone's there. What?

Someone's there. What?

Someone's in there. It's probably just Jim.

No, look, we've just done big robbery though, haven't we? Carol's right.

Could be a fucking bad man.

Or a woman.Or a trans woman. Do you... Are we having this now?

Or a woman.Or a trans woman. Do you... Are we having this now?

"Yeah, baby!" (MOANS ON LAPTOP) Go on. Stretch it, pull it.

Hang about a minute, if I'm not mistaken, that there is the sound

Hang about a minute, if I'm not mistaken, that there is the sound

of a faked female orgasm from circa, I'm gonna say, 1983.

Why would a 1980s woman be faking a creamer in the weed bunker?

Why would a 1980s woman be faking a creamer in the weed bunker?

Creamer? Yeah.

Ugh, oh, my God. Sorry.

Fucking hell. I can't stop it.

Fucking hell. I can't stop it.

Don't finish it!

Fucking hell, mate. Ohhh...

Well I can't un-see that now, can I?

Hey, don't try and wank-shame me. You should be terribly ashamed.

Hey, don't try and wank-shame me. You should be terribly ashamed.

Be ashamed, you've brought fucking Vaseline.

It's perfectly natural.

Having a wank doesn't make me a bad person.

Having a wank doesn't make me a bad person.

It fucking does when you're doing it in someone's workplace.

You've got your lube there and cling filmed up

your own fucking laptop for it. So bad.

I'm sorry... I'm sorry. I'm gonna get a mop

I'm sorry... I'm sorry. I'm gonna get a mop

Just wiping his hands. It's not nice.

What are you even fucking doing 'ere?

Oh, my sister's visiting. Yeah, but it doesn't fucking mean

Oh, my sister's visiting. Yeah, but it doesn't fucking mean

you can just come down 'ere and blow fucking loads

all over the shagging place, does it?

Why have you brought special wank shoes?

Why have you brought special wank shoes?

They're not mine. Mine are at home.

You motherfuckers underestimated me.

You decided to cross me...

well now, you're gonna pay.

Oh... Er...

The duckies...

Hiya, love. Hiya.

Hiya, love. Hiya.

You alright?

What's up with you now?

Poo scenario.

Have you had a poo?

You have had a p...

It's not a problem. It's not a problem.

It's not a problem. It's not a problem.

Little... Did you...? Ooh, fuck, whaaa...(COOS)

Argh, no, wow.

Contain.

Oh, Christ.

Oh, hey up.Hey. It's been a while, hasn't it!

You alright?Yeah, I'm alright. Yeah.What's happening?

You alright?Yeah, I'm alright. Yeah.What's happening?

Had my face pissed on a little bit. Didn't know you had a baba.

He's not mine. You remember Sugar, who cleaned your house?Pregnant one?

He's not mine. You remember Sugar, who cleaned your house?Pregnant one?

Yeah, that's the badger. I'm just looking after it, aren't I?

Cos she's busy, and JJ, dad,

he's... He's away so...

he's... He's away so...

Mad, I was thinking about you just yesterday.How come?

Yeah, I'm doing a rat job up at Bletchley Dale and erm...

There's this old fella, Maurice Finch.

There's this old fella, Maurice Finch.

I've known him for years, but for some reason, yesterday,

he just starts telling me he used to be a career criminal.

Oh, aye, yeah.Some of the mad stories he was coming out with,

and I thought you would get a proper buzz outta meeting him.

and I thought you would get a proper buzz outta meeting him.

Fuck yeah, let's do it. I'm bobbing up there after.

When are you dropping the nipper back?Couple of hours.

I can't fucking wait. I bet.Uh-uh.

I can't fucking wait. I bet.Uh-uh.

So, this is where retired criminals go, is it?

Bletchley Dale Estate, with your fucking red

1970s Capri out front. Christ.

There we are. (CLEARS THROAT)

There we are. (CLEARS THROAT)

Dong ding.

Now then.Hey up, Maurice. Vinnie, I were telling you about.

Now then.Hey up, Maurice. Vinnie, I were telling you about.

I'm not, listen...

And there were a fucking bloke, with a tiny moustache

and a bell end for a bell end.

and a bell end for a bell end.

Lowry minge paintings? Fucking eh. Yeah man.

So, go on, tell me your game then?

Back in the '80s, when everyone smoked,

we were smuggling in millions. But I'll tell you this, Vinnie.

Nothing will ever achieve what my grandad achieved.

Nothing will ever achieve what my grandad achieved.

He was a great thief.

Well, go on then.

Yeah. You can't leave us fucking hanging.

You gotta tell us about your grandad.

You look like a man who can keep a secret.

You look like a man who can keep a secret.

Fucking right. But you must tell no one.Uh-uh.

Swear on the rat catcher's life.

Don't swear on my life. 110%, swear on his life.

Don't swear on my life. 110%, swear on his life.

Wow. No one loves you anyway.

Fucking hell's bells.

Who's are all these then? I've no idea.

I got 'em from knocking off a trophy shop.(LAUGHS)

They're all a cover for this bad boy.

They're all a cover for this bad boy.

Where's he going?

Oh... But I mean... I'm... What is it?

One of the greatest achievements in the art of thievery,

the original FA Cup.

the original FA Cup.

You're fucking joking. No fucking way.

Stolen on September the 12th, 1895.

By my grandfather, Tobias Finch, and three other men.

By my grandfather, Tobias Finch, and three other men.

Rumours of its whereabouts have circulated ever since.

Can I have a...? Can I have hold of it?

As long as you don't drop it. No.

As long as you don't drop it. No.

Just be careful.

Woah. Fucking hell, Maurice.

Dude, that is... Oh, my God.

That's insane.