Taskmaster NZ

Ta-da!

Oh!

Pshew.

Nutsack!

Good evening. Welcome to the 9th and penultimate episode of Taskmaster.

Earlier this year, I set five comedians a series of tasks

designed to test their wits, strength,

creativity, and most of all, to make full grown adults look very silly.

Only one will be crowned Taskmaster champion,

and they will receive this most splendid golden head.

They can cherish it, worship it, and when times get tough, sell it on Trade Me.

Let's meet our comedians. They are, as they have always been,

Angella Dravid

Brynley Stent

Guy Williams

Leigh Hart

and Madeleine Sami.

I did an Angella.

And to my left, my assistant. He's the service dog of the show -

loyal, obedient to a fault, and you aren't allowed

to pat him while he's working. It's Paul Williams.

What are you doing? What-? What's-? What's this about?

Has anyone ever tried to tell you that Rome wasn't built in a day?

Yeah, it's a common saying, yeah.

Yeah, well, I get told it all the time

to the point where it's starting to get a little bit suspicious.

I now have a theory that Rome was built in a day.

Why else would people be denying it when we weren't

even discussing the construction time of Rome?

And that explains why the buildings are all crumbly.

So, all I'm saying is, ask questions, do your own research.

It's that time of day, so why not introduce our first task, Paul?

Our first task, as always, is a prize task.

Each comedian was asked to bring along something they own

and risk it all by donating it to our prize haul.

This week - a thing that hasn't aged well.

Ooh.

The person with the most points at the end of the show

will get to take home all five things that haven't aged well,

whether they like it or not.

Ok, we'll start with someone who has aged well, and that is Guy Williams.

Well, my thing that hasn't aged well

is my Bill Cosby CD collection.

No further comment necessary.

I mean, have you listened to them recently? Do they still hold up?

No, it's no good. There's just a few... I don't want to talk about it.

You brought them in.

Anything he says about Bill Cosby won't age well, as well.

Yeah, well, this is the thing. I mean, you've decided now

in 2020 to get rid of these Bill Cosby CDs.

You didn't think about it last year? Or before that? Now is the time?

I didn't have them on my shelf. They were in the garage, like, stored far away.

- Sure they were - Very suspicious.

- Mads, what did you bring in today? - Blue cheese.

Oh, hold on for a second. I mean by its very nature, it's aged well. Look at it.

It's disgusting. It's mould in cheese. It doesn't make any sense to me.

I was just thinking it's weird that we're ok with blue veins in cheese,

but when you see it on people's legs...

When you see it on people's legs, when you see mould on a ceiling.

It's the kind of thing the government's clamping down on. And yet we eat this.

We put this in our body, and then we complain about it everywhere else.

- Oh, a clap. Thank you. - Wow.

- They gave you a clap for that. - Got some lactose-free fans out there.

- Leigh, what did you bring in today? - Yeah,

my uncle Hank a few years back...

- Is this the same uncle from last episode? - Yeah.

He almost made us multimillionaires in the family.

What he came up with was cassette shoes, so...

So what you see here that- I mean that- the concept

there, of course, you know, you can have your own music.

So you can actually tape from one shoe to the other.

So you could- you know, you could make a mix tape on one shoe from your other tapes.

- Those aren't Bill Cosby tapes, are they? - No, no, they're not.

Whatever tapes they are, they're stuck in there now, because they won't come out.

But there you go. Whoever wins those will be taking home one hell of a prize.

Angella, what did you bring in for us?

I brought a floppy disc with a picture of an outdated hairstyle.

Would you say that I haven't aged well or that I just didn't youth well?

I was gonna put a current photo, but I thought that was harsh.

Brynley.

I brought in my dinner from two and a half weeks ago.

And it's a bowl made out of Bill Cosby's Fatherhood book.

- Please tell me that's cheese on the top. - No, no, that's mould, yeah.

Or is it cheese? You know what I'm saying?

I think it's frosted tips.

So, what's happened to the rest of the Bill Cosby Fatherhood book?

In the bin, baby.

See, that's good. Although, again, too late for putting that book in the bin.

No, I- Yeah, I- yeah. I bought it for the making of...

- Oh. - Yeah. I felt bad buying it.

And then, yeah, it came in the mail, and I was like,

'Ooh, it's a package. What is this? I forgot

what I-' And I open it in front of everyone,

and they were like, 'Ooh.'

Did the person selling it on Trade Me say anything when you bid?

Were they like, 'Hey, um, you might wanna do some googling real quick.'

Time to score.

Mads, one point for you, because blue cheese is delicious.

Angella, I'm sick of what you're doing to me.

This is the second week in a row where you have harassed me,

and time's up on that, so you're two points.

Wow.

Guy, there's actually some quite good material

in those CDs, if you wade through all the-

No!

impropriety, I think you will find something quite good in there.

Brynley, four points for you, because you went one better than Guy

with the curry wrapped around the book.

- And, Leigh, I think - Yep.

five points today, cuz those shoes are inspired.

Fantastic.

So that puts Leigh in first place currently,

which will give him a bit of a head start for our first proper task.

Warning - this one might make you a little "board".

That's board spelt B-O-A-R-D, not- it's not gonna- it's very entertaining...

There's a board in it, is what I'm saying. Ok,

I'll play the task. Here it is. Have a look.

Hello, Guy.

- Sup, bro? - Hello, Madeleine.

How are you, mate? Good to see ya, brother.

'Completely colour this whiteboard.

'Fastest wins. Your time starts now!'

Uh...

Completely colour it.

Ahh, so good to see that pre-COVID bro shake.

Yeah, I know. It feels good, man. Human contact, brother.

- Yeah. - You know what I'm saying?

I don't think I need to explain this one too much.

Colour in a whiteboard - very simple. Would you like to see some people try it?

I would love to see nothing more

than people colour in a whiteboard, please, Paul.

Here's the two best at basketball, which means nothing when it comes to this task.

- It's Guy Williams and Madeleine Sami. - It's true.

Maybe I should do this with two pens.

Oops.

Ok, that was a bad idea.

Is there, like, a thicker part of this pen?

I mean, kind of.

Problem with the whiteboard is that you just wipe it off.

- All right. Well, I think that's done. - Ok.

It didn't say you had to colour it well.

Ta-da!

Done.

You stopped the clock? How was my time?

- I can't say. - Fuckin' fast, though, eh?

Pshew.

Pshew.

Please stop shooting people with hand guns.

- Please stop. - It's quite fun.

How are you feeling?

I'm feeling like I'm gonna have nightmares about this for the rest of my life.

Pshew.

I can still see white of the whiteboard, but

I feel like I had to stop for my own mental health.

Pshew.

Pshew.

It's coloured. You know what I'm saying? Fuck it.

It's coloured. Quote, unquote. Mads Sami.

Mads out.

How do you think you did?

I think my, uh, actions speak louder than words. Pshew.

So, Mads, you had to stop that task for your own mental health. Discuss.

I hated that one, because whiteboard pens are just, like, the bane of anyone's life.

She was colouring for 10 minutes and 55 seconds.

- Felt a lot longer... - Yeah.

when I was there.

It did. It felt a lot longer for me. It's awful. Awful.

Do we accept Guy's effort as coloured?

Well, the task did say 'completely colour the whiteboard'.

And I did. I coloured the whole whiteboard -

coloured it blue and red and did a great job and deserve five points.

Have we got a still of Guy's effort on the whiteboard?

- Cuz, I mean, I wouldn't say completely. - We do.

It's completely covered!

- That's a stretch. - I think that's pretty good.

It's about 40%.

No, exactly. There's more white than there is colour in that.

I'm glad I didn't put much more effort in than that. That's what it deserved.

And proud of myself. Kia kaha, five points.

- Stay strong? - Yeah. Stay strong.

So, Guy only spent 49 seconds colouring the whiteboard,

and he spent 52 seconds doing finger guns.

And my mental health is better for it.

Mental health awareness.

- Kia kaha. - Kia kaha.

Get yourself checked.

Guy, Guy, Guy, Guy, Guy.

There's plenty more Taskmaster to go.

Stay tuned to find out who wins TV's biggest Bill Cosby-based

prize pack in decades. We'll see you in a bit.

Welcome to the second-to-last episode of Taskmaster,

where five beautiful minds are competing to win

a floppy disc with a jpeg image of me on it.

When we left, our group of comedians were making a whiteboard less white.

That is correct. The task is to completely colour a whiteboard as fast as you can.

Guy did it a whole 10 minutes faster than Madeline.

The only problem was, he didn't actually do it.

- Who else gave it a go, Paul? - Everyone else.

So here they are, it's everyone else.

Remember, Rolf Harris used to do this kind of stuff. I'm not like him, obviously.