Abbott and Costello Meet the Invisible Man

(SINGING) All hail beloved alma mater

Steadfast and loyal we will be

This is the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

How did I ever graduate?

I slipped the guy 20 bucks. Now, keep quiet.

...Dugan's Detective Training

And now we graduate from Dugan's

Experts in criminology

And since they say that crime won't pay

We will fight crime with good old DDT

Men, I have taught you all I know.

You've studied hard and learned well.

Well, most of you.

You have earned the Dugan Detective Training diploma.

And the DDT diploma on an office wall means a steady stream of clients.

Bud Alexander.

In accordance with my agreement with the students who graduate,

you will receive a trial with a recognized detective agency.

Report to the MacQuillan Agency in the Fort Building.

- Give him this card. - Thank you.

Louis Francis.

Thank you. Thank you!

You've been seeing too many Sherlock Holmes pictures lately.

Take off that cap.

A detective has to dress so he won't attract much attention.

Come on, put that down. That is not a lollipop.

Look, turn on the police calls.

Hurry up. It might tip us off to something.

I'm glad MacQuillan gave us the night shift.

Maybe we can grab a case and solve it ourselves.

Hey, just imagine, Lou.

We get a tip on a bank robbery. Better yet, a murder.

And we follow the murderer to his hideout.

Yeah.

And then we go to his hideout,

and then we start searching the place.

Yes, but remember, death lurks in every corner.

And, suddenly, the murderer comes in.

Fellows, interested in a case?

- A case? - A case of what?

Shh! Quiet. Yes, yes. You want us to handle a case?

Yeah. Which one of you is MacQuillan?

- I am. - I am.

- Who's who? - He's Mac, I'm Quillan.

- You can just call us Bud and Lou. - Both of us.

(ON RADIO) Attention, all cars and stations.

Be on the lookout for Tommy Nelson, escaped murderer.

He is 5'11", weighs 165, blue eyes, brown hair.

When last seen, was wearing dark felt hat, overcoat.

Nelson?

Isn't that the middleweight who killed his manager after his last fight?

That's what they said.

You know, if we weren't taking your case, I'd grab that murderer.

Excuse me. I don't think you have to look very far.

Keep quiet. I've got to mark down his description,

5'10", weight 165, blue eyes, sandy hair.

Put down, "Turned up collar and soft hat."

Quiet. The man wants a telephone.

Bud, if that ain't Tommy Nelson, it's Frankenstein.

Frankenstein!

Hello, Helen? Is anyone around?

Good.

I must see the doctor at once. I'll be right over.

There's money in this for you fellas.

- How much? - Plenty.

Take me to 823 Maple Street

and I'll tell you all about it. Let's go.

- That's him. - Who?

- Tommy Nelson. - Oh, I'd love to get my hands on him.

Come on, let's go.

- I can't see a thing. - Turn it around.

Bud, look!

What?

It's only a moth! Come on.

Tommy, I've been so worried.

I want to see the doctor right away.

You fellas wait in the library over there. I'll be right back.

Excuse me.

Hey, she called him Tommy. That's Tommy Nelson, the escaped killer.

Stop jumping at conclusions.

What would an escaped killer want two private detectives for?

- So he can catch himself? - So he... Come on.

Tommy. Is this wise?

The police know about you and Helen.

This is the first place they'll look.

And those men you brought with you...

It was my only way of getting here.

But can you trust them, Tommy?

If you'd brought me the serum while I was in jail,

I wouldn't need to trust anybody.

What did happen?

Did you make up your minds that

maybe I killed O'Hara after all?

That's not fair, Tommy.

Uncle Phil has been working day and night on the formula.

- You told me you had it developed. - I do, my boy.

You can see for yourself.

Pripitane serum was discovered years ago, and it works.

One injection, and the cell structure becomes transparent.

Well, what are you waiting for?

Come on, jab me with one of those needles,

and the police will never catch me.

Then I'll be free to find out who really killed O'Hara.

And inside of a week, you'd be a raving maniac.

That's what the formula did to its discoverer, John Griffin.

No.

I've got to take that chance.

Do you want to go insane, as John Griffin did?

You want to be shot down like a mad dog as he was?

He never regained his visibility until he was dead.

When he willed me this formula,

I swore I'd never use it until I'd found some safe reagent,

some means of bringing a man back in time,

some method of avoiding insanity,

perhaps even restoring visibility.

But, Doc, I can't wait. Unless I clear myself, it means the chair.

So what difference does it make?

Come on. Come on. Attaboy. Come on, you can make it.

- Boy, did you see that? - What happened?

- What happened? - Yeah.

The halfback just ran around his own end.

Some trick.

(ON TV) We interrupt our program to give you a police bulletin.

Have you seen this man? He's Tommy Nelson, escaped murderer.

There's a $5,000 reward for his capture.

If you have any information, phone River...

- What number? - ...8181.

- Thank you. - Hey, you're absolutely right.

This guy is the killer.

- Let's get outta here. Come on. - No, you can't go now.

We've got a great case.

We'll grab the murderer and get the reward.

We can't do that.

- This guy hired you and I... - Now, wait a minute. Just a minute.

Nevertheless, he's a rat.

- Because he killed his fight manager? - No.

Because he didn't tell us there was a reward for him.

I'm sorry, Tommy. I can't do it.

- It's the police. - Come on.

Let's sneak out the back way, and they can't catch us.

Good. Come on, let's go. Hey, wait a minute.

We're detectives. What am I running for?

- Am I a crook? - You want me to answer that?

Tommy, it's the police.

Stall them off, and I'll try to get out the back way.

All right, men, take your positions.

It's a legal search warrant, my dear.

But it's perfectly ridiculous.

I've been ridiculous before, beautiful.

Roy, you and I will take the upstairs.

Joe, you cover the back. Eddie, you stay right here.

We've got to catch Nelson

before the cops do and collect that reward.

I'll watch out in the hall and you watch here.

No, you ain't gonna do that to me now.

All right, then you watch here and I'll watch out in the hall.

Okay. That's the same thing!

Hey, we've got him. He can't get away.

Look, now...

Bud! Bud!

Don't worry, he can't get out.

Neither can I! Bud!

Mr. Nelson, I don't want the reward.

I'm for you. Let's shake hands on it.

Attaboy.

Don't forget, we get the reward.

My pal's got him covered. That boy is always on his toes.

Well, where is he?

- Always on his toes, huh? - Give me a lift.

Come on, Lou. Snap out of it.

- Come on, boy. - Here, I'll give him a whiff of this.

What happened? Bud. I want to tell you something, Bud.

- Here's Bud. Over here. - Hiya, Bud.

Come here. Where did Tommy Nelson go?

- Where did he go? - He disappeared.

- Well, how did he get out of here? - In installments.

- Installments? - Yeah, he did a Gypsy Rose Lee.

That's all that's left of him.

Well, evidently Nelson changed clothes.

What was he wearing the last time you saw him?

Air. Nothing but air.

And then he asked me how he looked.

Wearing air? What are you talking about?

He was standing right here, and then I shook hands with him.

His hand was gone.

Then I went to speak to him, his head was gone.

Then he took off his shirt, his body was gone.

He took off his pants, his legs were gone.

- Then he spoke to me. - Yeah?

I was gone.

This guy's a psycho if I've ever seen one.

Now, would you mind coming to the police station

and telling a real nice man just what you told us?

- Don't you believe what I saw? - Sure I do.

Why, things like this happen every day.

They do? Where have I been?

I don't know where you've been,

but I know where you're going.

So you let him get away. Now we can't collect the $5,000 reward.