Bring It on Again (Bring It On Again)

Like, wow. Like, crap. Last year I was a high school brat.

But now I'm here. Hope I'm the one you pick to cheer!

Fantastic! I'm sorry. What?

Oh, nothing. Don't let me slow you down. It's just… Well, you're a surprise.

How do you mean? You have great spirit.

But just a tad more volume, if you would.

I apologize. Continue.

Like, whoo. Like, whee. I'm at the university.

I'm psyched. I'm here. Hope I'm the one you choose to cheer.

I yell real loud and make the Stingers super proud!

My dear, you are wonderful… cheer genius personified.

A real individual.

I'm joking, you spaz!

Pardon me? That was a cheer?

That was the most boring, unoriginal, biggest piece of crap I've ever seen!

You suck!

Mom, where are we? Where are you, dear?

You finally made it. You're in college.

Oh, man!

C-Come on The big game is just about rockin'

Hi. Can you guys tell me how to get to Bancroft Hall?

Hi. Can you tell me how to get to…

Hi, girls. Can you guys tell me how to get to Bancroft…

Excuse me!

Hi. It's where some of the cheerleaders are staying.

Um, I'm trying out for the team.

You girls don't cheer, do you?

First of all, it's women, not girls.

Oh. Second, um, we do neo-modern ballet.

We don't wave pom-poms.

And third, we can't direct you to Bancroft Hall,

because Nathaniel Bancroft was a slave owner and an imperialist!

Okay. Thanks.

Appreciate it.

You're not giving up already, are you? Monica!

First day of college, I'm already saving my roommate.

You did not have to save me. I have been saving…

your butt ever since cheerleader camp.

Have not!

Really? I remember a time…

a spotter was out of position and one of our cheerleaders…

was gonna do a face-plant.

Who was that cheerleader again? Okay. Okay. I get it.

I think the score is Monica, two. Whittier, zero.

And… Bancroft Hall is this way.

Did you know that Nathaniel Bancroft was a slave owner…

and an imperialist? Our room has a ceiling fan.

As well as paint balloons, panty trees,

super-gluing faculty doors, releasing lab animals…

and most important, I'd like to remind you…

that if you must…

urinate,

please… do it in a toilet.

Do not… I repeat… Do not urinate…

on an original manuscript of The Canterbury Tales…

located in the school library.

You writing this down? You'd think I wouldn't have to say that.

The Nutcracker is a patriarchal ballet.

Okay? The only good thing in The Nutcracker are the rats, and they die.

Shakespeare. Hamlet?

"Euripidie…" Euri… Eur…

Lastly, we hope you take advantage of the many extracurriculars…

here at the university.

Although I must report we've had to cut funding…

to some of the more non-essential programs…

on campus such as the martial arts club,

the ballet society… Wha…

and the entire musical theater department.

Fortunately, we haven't had to cut any money from our two prized programs…

the football team… That's right!

Yeah! And… your seven-time…

defending collegiate champion Stinger cheerleading squad!

Yea! Let's hear it for our heroes!

(CHANTING) Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina!

Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina!

Tina! Tina! Tina! Tina!

Hey, everybody! I'm Tina Hammersmith!

Y'all ready to rock the body electric?

Ahhh! Let's get this party started!

Five, six, seven, eight!

Whoo!

Yeah! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! You go, girl!

Two, three, four…

Stingers in the house! We're on the attack!

That's right! Got no extra fat!

We don't eat Big Macs! It's gross!

Step to us! You might get smacked! Whacked!

We got more game than the man they call Shaq!

The moonwalk! The twist! The shake and bake! The what?

We can do it all right here at State!

Strap yourself in so your mind won't blow!

Sit back, relax and enjoy the show!

What's wrong with you people? Stop it!

Yeah! Stingers!

This is terrible. What do you mean "terrible"?

They're perfect. I know. That's what's terrible.

They are perfect.

Speaking of perfect. You ever checked out your own ass?

Whoa! Gross!

Just pay him no mind. No. No. I think we should pay him mind.

I mean, this… this man has a lot to say. I do.

I have a lot to say. He's a unique individual.

Very unique individual. With his own thoughts and ideas.

My own thoughts. My own ideas.

Who would never make a fool of himself. Never ever…

make a fool of myself. Even if he was blindly mimicking whatever I said.

Even if I was blindly…

Hey, punk. Be watchin' you.

Smart guy.

Thank you. No problem.

Belly ring? No belly ring?

It's a cheerleading tryout. They're going to be looking at your moves,

not your body jewelry. Oh, I know.

But here's my theory: if they concentrate on my belly,

they won't recognize if I mess up on my back handsprings.

Whit, you're not gonna mess up. I've seen your cheer skills.

They're for real.

Maybe for high school, but this is college.

And in college you have to be the poo.

Well, that shaggy boy at orientation sure thought you were the poo.

He was all on you like ugly on an Osbourne.

Him?

You think?

He did smile at me.

Mm-hmm.

But I can't lose my concentration. I've really got to focus on tomorrow.

I got to work on my cheer moves. Hit it, girl.

Before we begin, I want you to know that just by trying out today,

you're already a winner.

Unless, of course, you get cut. In which case,

technically you're a loser.

So, go for it.

Okay, I'll start with a simple aerial.

No, I was thinking more of a front handspring,

back handspring, front handspring,

back handspring, back handspring,

front handspring, back handspring…

Okay! Give me an "S-S." Give me a "T-R." Err!

That was awesome. So, do you got any good cheers?

I got something for ya. I got a little shout out. You got a what?

I got to give a shout out to all my people, baby! Whoo!

I'm flossin'! You can't see me. I got the ice.

It's just blindin' ya! Peace, and I'm out!

Back handspring, front handspring, cartwheel, back handspring, cartwheel…

Give me an "S-S". Give me a "T-R".

I just screwed up again! Dang it! I can't believe it! No!

Just kill me right now! Bam! Haha! Please?

Front handspring, cartwheel, back handspring, back handspring, cartwheel…

Ooh.

Ohh, yeah! Oh, my God.

Thanks for coming.

And lastly, Smith, comma, Whittier.

Okay. So… Wait.

What is it? That thing.

That shiny offensive thing… midsection.

Oh, that's my belly ring. Lose it immediately.

Okay. Sorry.

Okay.

Um.

Okay. Are you ready? How about, are you ready?

I think so.

Here I go! Hit it!

How's that? Thank you.

Sheila. Too fat.

Kenny. Too dorky.

Brenda. Psycho!

Cindy. Snaggletooth.

Carol-Ann. Eczema.

It's called lotion.

Theo. Too gay!

Patrick? Not gay enough.

And finally, Whittier.

She's okay. Okay? Marni, she's future head cheerleader material.

Memo, pink ink, we already have our future head cheerleader. Hi.

The only difference being, she's cute.

Yeah, she's cute the way a smushed-up bug is cute.

Oh, and excuse me. Did you see her blond hair?

So fake!

Well, if that's not the pot calling the kettle blond.

Ohh! I was… I was born with dark roots.

Mm-hmm.

Well, anyway, I'd be all over her.

You know, if she had a schwinger. Maybe she does.

Enough!

You two bitches can catfight all night, but I'm the one that makes the decisions.

Until I do… you're dismissed.

Leave me.

Ow! (COUGHS)

No time for rest, cherub. Dean Sebastian.

I didn't know you were here. I've been here six hours.

Saw every last peppy pigtail that passed through this place.

Pretty ugly, huh? Some were ugly.

Some were hideous.