The Cleveland Show

* My name is Cleveland Brown *

* And I am proud to be *

* Right back in my hometown *

* With my new family *

* There's old friends and new friends *

* And even a bear *

* Through good times and bad times *

* It's true love we share *

* And so I found a place *

* Where everyone will know *

* My happy mustached face *

* This is The Cleveland Show. *

All right. Herbie Hancock's coming to town.

Hey, old man, buy me some Herbie Hancock tickets.

You don't know nothing about Herbie Hancock.

What?!

Don't you tell me I don't know about Herbie Hancock.

I love Herbie Hancock.

Me, too.

"Rockit."

* Rockit. *

That ain't "Rockit." That's "Axel F."

How does "Rockit" go?

Aw, doggone it. Now you've got me doing it.

You've Herbie Hancock- blocked me.

Kids, I've told you three times now to go make your beds.

You get two more times,

then a final warning, and then I go to work angry.

I already made my bed, Miss Donna.

Is that sarcasm, Junior?

Because if there's one thing I do not understand, it's sarcasm.

No, I'm telling the truth.

Oh.

Well, then thank you.

What kind of idiot makes their bed?

Dam-fa-foo-dun- may-hebeyad-shoot.

Naw-a-gah- may-mah-beyad, dayum.

I'm proud of you, son.

Now maybe you could work on eating a little slower.

And not as much.

And not so often.

And maybe you could exercise.

Maybe you could get a job.

Oh-ho-ho!

You know I been looking.

I just haven't found the right one yet.

Last week I answered an ad

for an old, grizzled cop two days from retirement.

Okay, Brown, go draw their fire.

But I'm two days from retirement.

All right, I'll go.

Oh, well, I'm two days from retirement.

And then I tried my hand as a singing spokesman

for a furniture flea market.

* Living rooms, bedrooms, dinettes *

* We got it, you need it, you'll find it *

* It's just like, it's just like a mini-mall *

* Hey, hey *

* You heard me-- come shop, I said flea market *

* Stoolbend-- it's just like, it's just like a mini-mall *

* Hey, hey *

* Living rooms, bedrooms, dinettes *

* Oh, yeah *

* You can find 'em at the market *

* We talkin' about flea market *

* Stoolbend-- it's just like, it's just like a mini-mall *

* Hey, hey don't stop, let's make it a dance *

* Come on, now, to the left * * To the left *

* To the right * * To the right *

* Let's do this dance, hey *

* To the left * * To the left *

* To the right * * To the right *

* Let's make this a dance *

* Flea market Stoolbend-- it keeps you a-jumpin' *

* It's just like, it's just like a mini-mall. *

Can I have a beer, please?

Me, too.

And I, as well.

Give me a Stoli Red Bull, sugar-free.

I got my father's hips.

Just order a beer, fool.

Whoa, watch out for this guy, huh?

Cleveland, wh-wh-wh-what's up with the...

with the short fuse, man?

Aw, I'm just having trouble finding gainful employment.

Oh, yeah, finding a job is hard.

I've never found one.

Yeah I-I-I had to ask Jesus

to lead me to the job of my dreams,

and when he did, I knew that he was the guy

that I wanted to keep going to, to ask for things.

Last year, I asked Jesus for tickets to the ESPY's.

He didn't come through, so I just watched it on my plasma.

Oh, in your mom's basement? Shut up!

You know, uh, Cleveland, there's, uh, an opening

in my department down at the cable company.

I-I-I could put in a good word for you.

Telemarketing?

Yes! Yeah-- why-- you--

why does everyone always say it like that?

Telemarketing is the chatter of the global marketplace.

Ring, ring.

Hello?

Cleveland, it's your future.

Are you going to answer it, or quietly whisper to me,

: "Tell them I'm not here."

Plus, for every new employee I bring in,

I get a $200 bonus.

And I sure could use it

after I donated all that money to help fight bear AIDS.

Did you get the bear to wear the condom?

Oh, cool! Cubicles!

Good morning, Mr. Waterman.

Everything okay here, Tim?

Oh, yes. Thank you.

Say "pineapple" if you want me to get security.

Oh no, no, no, Mr. Waterman,

this is Cleveland, the guy I was telling you about.

You didn't tell me he was...

(continues clearing throat)

Okay, here's your desk and your phone.

Uh, the keypad has several buttons with numbers

and other things on them.

You-you-you'll probably just use the ones

with the numbers though, I would think.

Okay, so I've got you down for one deluxe package

with high-speed Internet.

No-- thank you, sir.

I just made my first sale!

Holy smokes, I've never seen

beginner's luck like that before.

Okay, bye now.

Hey, my phone is filled with silver dollars!

Bees!

No!

All right.

No!

Great job, Cleveland.

Sorry for judging you earlier today.

I did what I grew up watching my mother do:

underestimate minorities.

Course, then she'd sleep with them.

She sounds like someone I would dislike,

and then like a lot, and then dislike again.

So, no two months gets the same exotic coffee, right?

Portugal?

Do they know coffee in Portugal?

That sounds expensive.

We have Folgers Crystals.

You have Folgers Crystals.

Yes, you have my card on file.

Thank you.

Uh, I'm-I'm-I'm gonna go and, uh, take out the trash.

Okay, but when you get back,

you're gonna crawl down under these sheets

and take care of Mama Bear.

You're watching Ike Turner Classic Movies.

Why don't you come up and see me sometime?

What the hell did you just say?

I didn't say nothin', Ike.

Why you-- make-- me-- treat-- you-- like-- this?

Huh? Huh?

Roberta, Rallo, Cleveland Jr. folded the laundry,

and I think you two should put it away.

Put away my laundry?!

It's not my job to pick up after myself.

I'm not my mother.

You'll get this back

when you're done with the laundry.

Aw, man. Now what am I supposed to...

Oh, there's a book.

Don't laugh, America.

Don't laugh.

Can I have your attention, please?

Due to his remarkable sales, I'm giving this week's

"Employee of the Week" award to Cleveland Brown.

Hooray!

As part of your "Employee of the Week" award,

here's $200 bonus.

Neat!

Hey, Tim, you want to come out with me tonight

while I mindlessly blow through all this extra money?

No, no, no thanks.

You-you-you go on ahead.

I'm going to stay late and try to make a few more sales.

Okay.

I might just go buy myself...

* A top hat *

* Gonna get myself a top hat *

* Top hat. *

What are you doing?

Oh, uh... Oh, hey, Arch.

What are you doing, Tim?

Oh, nothing.

Time, those are for us at work, not to take home.

Well... Yeah, well, I didn't use any today,

so I figured what I didn't use, I could take home.