Community

(OVER PA) Welcome back to Greendale, now ranked fifth

on Colorado's alphabetical listing of community colleges.

Rest in peace, Fatboy Slim's DJ School.

This school owes its continued existence

to the following heroes:

Jeff Winger, a teacher so dedicated to clean energy,

he's already parking like his car is electric.

Britta Perry, currently raising awareness of homelessness,

not that she has a choice.

Abed Nadir, who actually wrote this announcement

for the sake of, as he put it, catching everyone up.

And Annie Edison, who led the effort to save Greendale

from 534 critical emergencies.

Five hundred thirty four?

Frisbee!

(AEROSMITH'S SWEET EMOTION PLAYING)

Hey, Leonard,

what, are you gonna bogart the disk all day?

Like... Tears in rain.

What?

I can't believe a roof collapsed.

We almost killed Fat Neil!

That was Garrett. See? We're monsters.

Okay, if they blame us for this, let me take the heat.

I'd never see the inside of a cell.

I've been reliving this day over and over for 1,000 years.

Guys, this is not on us.

That roof was gonna collapse.

80% of the rubble was Styrofoam.

Speaking of guilt, where's Shirley?

You didn't tell him?

I was waiting until we were all together.

Abed's not comfortable with C-H-A-N-G-E.

Hey, screw you. I can spell.

And screw you.

Is Shirley gone? Did she spin off?

Nobody spins off in real life, Abed.

Shirley went to look after her dad in Atlanta

and ended up taking a job as a personal chef

to a brilliant but troubled Southern detective.

I told her I'd manage her sandwich shop while she's gone.

Oh, that's very generous of you.

I have a friend in town

every time you're gonna need help with that.

She'll be back.

Like Troy?

Are any of you white people

noticing what's happening to this group?

Do Abed and I need to be concerned?

You have my word as leader of the white people

there's no cause for alarm.

Say hello to new Shirley!

I'm just kidding. This is Francesca Dart.

I have brought her on as an administrative consultant.

I thought it would be fun and mandatory

for you to add her to your little committee.

Why? Because one roof collapsed?

No. God, God, no!

I'm your friend bringing you a new friend.

One with training in not collapsing roofs.

Is she... Excuse me, ma'am.

Is she above us or below us?

She is... Whoop!

I'm getting a call here, and I'll have to take it.

Frankie, why don't you explain what your role will be

while I leave to take this call.

My phone is vibrating, but it is...

In your office, which you didn't realize

when you started the fake phone call move.

My phone is in my pocket, Jeffrey.

I'm walking away so I can get it out and answer it.

Let me know how it goes.

Okay, I'll just have a seat and...

No! No. No. No.

Our friend used to sit there.

She spun off.

I'm sorry. What about here?

Yeah, I guess that's okay.

Okay, so I took an informal survey

to get a sense of how Greendale is perceived,

and three themes emerged:

weird, passionate and gross.

Now, you want to hang on to that grouping.

In marketing, it's what we call the Good Belushi.

If I had a magic wand,

I would use it to make sure Greendale never had to grow up.

I would also probably use it to cut the magic wand class

that I noticed is actually offered here,

as well as VCR repair, a class called "Ladders,"

and, "When Is It Okay to Shake a Baby?"

In terms of hierarchy, I'm a big believer in it.

Someone needs to say, "I'm in charge,"

and that person is me.

That's my decision.

That doesn't mean that we don't work together,

but all communication and decisions will go through me.

I'll send out an email later to set up our next meeting.

Awesome. CHANG: Great seeing you, Professor.

Yeah, coolios. Awesome.

Who in the crazy bitch...

Did that just happen?

Did you see her binder? Ha. Ha!

Pretty nondescript.

She seems like she may be trouble.

To be fair, she's an additional "white person,"

which has clearly become important here.

No, thank you.

I'm just glad I was able to answer.

My phone got lodged in my pocket.

I know.

I guess that is a thing.

So you were saying about the thing...

The reason you were calling was...

What were you talking to me about?

Looks good, Tony.

I'm sorry, I just assume your name is Tony.

Here you go. I gave you some extra heat.

Aw, man.

Britta,

what is the weekly cost of this restaurant?

Oh, that's easy. My dignity.

It seems like this sandwich counter

is consuming your happiness

and converting it into burnt bread and debt.

So?

Frankie, hi.

Um...

Someone removed all the liquor from the faculty lounge.

I'm sorry, I cannot legally protect

or insure a campus with free-flowing booze.

Well, I can't teach with free-flowing sobriety.

Is that true?

Do you really think you're an addict?

No.

Dean!

Hello? Oh, oh, hey.

Yes, I can talk.

Damn it. I am available any time for you.

Frankie. Frankie, hi.

I had an idea about how to de-electrify the pool.

Oh, that's already been dealt with.

Okay, well, then there's...

Ooh, let's see.

Done, done, deloused,

appraised, defused, rebuilt,

de-peanut buttered, debunked, spayed, neutered,

underway, re-sanctified, plunged, deported and exhumed.

Thank you.

Oh, this is pretty.

I'm gonna name one of my sandwiches after her.

My sandwiches suck.

Well, she is improving Greendale.

Yeah, but how much can you improve Greendale

before it stops being Greendale?

She didn't suffer for this place. Mmm-mmm.

She doesn't understand it.

She's gonna end up messing with something that...

Abed.

Temporal mutation? In English, doc.

Simply put, Mr. President, in 12 hours,

these dinosaurs will become...

Mind if I sit here?

Time-osaurs.

Go ahead. I can reshoot.

How's everything going?

I have concerns. I'd like to hear them.

I'm worried you're not distinct enough from Annie,

both in terms of physicality and purpose.

Okay.

I can't determine if you have

any specific flaw, quirk, or point of view

that makes you a creative addition to the group.

I don't know what that means,

but I'm writing it down.

My umbrella concern is that you, as a character,

represent the end of what I used to call "our show,"

which was once an unlikely family of misfit students

and is now a pretty loose-knit group of students and teachers,

none of whom are taking a class together in a school which,

as of your arrival, is becoming increasingly grounded,

asking questions like, "How do any of us get our money?

"When will we get our degrees?" and,

"What happened to that girl I was dating?"

As opposed to questions I consider more important,

like, "What is real? What is sanity?

"Is there a god? Where's that Pierce hologram?"

Jeff said last year he saw a Pierce hologram.

None of the rest of us have ever seen it,

so if there's a Pierce ghost on campus,

I'd like to get a head start on busting it.

All right.

This is the first I've heard that I'm a character on a show.

I'm excited to be one,

but I agree I'll be a boring one.

Quirks are not my strong suit. Results are.

I love quirky people.

I come from a big family of people who are literally insane.

I moved out here to take care of one of them,

but I myself am exceptionally boring,

and I am quite proud to be that way