Modern Family

Okay, who would hate to miss the chance of a lifetime

by not helping me build a duck village today?

That was some tricky wording.

That's how he gets us.

I got it... I would not hate to miss

the chance of a lifetime by not helping you.

But only 'cause I have work.

I've got a driving lesson.

Uh, something.

Honey, you found those eggs weeks ago,

and they still haven't hatched.

Should you prepare yourself for the possibility

that they might be...

Alligators?

- Dead. - What?!

Can you believe your sister?

Yeah, I do. They're dead.

The only thing that's dead in this kitchen

is your childlike sense of wonder.

Morning, dunphys.

Oh, still no ducks, huh?

Fascinating creatures. I just read a book about them.

You did?

Yes, mom. Dylan reads.

It was my nephew's book.

It was about a duck and a penguin

who go on vacation together.

You could touch the duck's fuzz.

Bloop-bloop!

That's the sound she makes when she wants me to fast-forward.

I feel you, money.

Claire does the same thing to me.

I think it started when I was inventing that new dental floss.

Bloop-bloop-bloop-bloop!

So, the book said ducklings imprint on their mom

as soon as they're born.

Their brains are so small, they just latch on to something

and follow it around as a way to find food.

Yum.

So, Dylan, I'm building a duck village later.

- You want to help? - Whoa, whoa.

That's some tricky wording on that question.

He'd love to, but he's still...

It's time! Boil some towels!

Every time I have an egg? Really?

Captions by vitac ...

Captioning provided by 20th century fox television and abc, inc.

And brought to you by Ford. We go further, so you can.

Tucker goes deep!

Watch it.

Cam!

Hut, hut, hut! Munch, you open?

Oh, he's open!

Right there! There it is! Boom!

We have been renting the upstairs unit

to some frat boys from cam's old college.

They're here for some big game

and to try and get on "the price is right."

Unfortunately for me,

it has brought out cam's "bromosexual" side.

- Epic throw, bro. - Yeah!

Actually, that is a cashmere throw,

which now has a footprint on it.

Dudes, beer pong!

Pong, pong, pong!

Beers are in the fridge, bros.

Fridge, fridge, fridge, fridge!

-No, hang on, bro. - What's up, sweetie?

Oh, look who's back.

Um, so I see that you invited your friends again today.

Yeah, aren't they fun? And how cute is jace?

We held hands earlier.

We were arm wrestling, but it still counts.

- Uh-huh. - We found the fridge!

Yo, you did!

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

That's jace.

How many s's in "jace"? I heard 12.

I'm just trying to make our guests feel comfortable.

All right, let's do this!

Why is daddy talking like that?

She crazy.

- - Ay, what is it?!

You can always tell when something's wrong.

What is her name?

Chelsea, the prettiest barista who's ever served me

a double-shot half-caff caramel macchiato

with a dusting of cinnamon.

I want to talk to her,

but whenever I do, all I can say is, "mmmm."

Maybe you used up all your words ordering that coffee.

Why are you so scared?

Any woman would be so lucky to look into those beautiful eyes

and listen to that sweet voice.

- She's so... - Shh! My show is on!

Ay, que Linda...

Mariela morales is my favorite actress,

and she's staying in a hotel in town

under the fake name carmelita contreras.

I am going to wait for her at the lobby,

and I know I sound like a stalker,

but... But this is very different,

because when we meet, we're going to be best friends.

I can already smell her hair.

Okay, commercials.

So, this is what you're going to do.

First you're gonna take me to the hotel to meet mariela.

I'm gonna invite her over for dinner tonight.

She has a charity event at 5:00, but they're not serving food.

- Stalker. - While I'm with mariela,

you're gonna go back to your coffee girl

and you're gonna give her the chance to get to know you.

- You really think I... - Shh!

Commercial is over.

- This show again? - Yes.

I don't know what it is. I love this character so much.

Itengo sed!

Who's the old crank?

Her husband, of course.

¿Por qué nadie me quiere?

Who's the disaster with the scarf?

Her son, pepito.

You at least look like your guy.

- My guy... - Can it, pepito.

- Hey, honey. - Hmm?

Can you read that?

- "Quack Nicholson." - Oh, good.

If I spent the whole morning painting these

tiny duck mailboxes and no one could read them,

I'd feel pretty ridiculous.

Phil, duck feed!

Hey, that's almost my name.

Or "I'm sorry"?

You're right. I'm sorry. I'll, uh...

I'll sweep that up in a minute.

Just come over here and help dust me off.

I've got an important meeting,

and I can't go into the office covered in flaxseed.

It's actually a proprietary blend

of oats, grub worms, and cricket parts.

- And we're dusting. - Yeah, sorry.

Yeah. You're not nervous about the meeting today, are you?

Yeah, I am.

This is the first time I'm pitching closet-design ideas

to my dad and his pretentious creative team.

You mean the young guys with the walking sticks

- at the Christmas party? - Yes.

They don't think anybody in corporate can do what they do,

but my ideas are good.

Or they suck.

Luke: I've got it!

I'm sure your ideas are great. Stop doubting.

The more you believe in yourself, the more they will.

Thank you.

- Hey, nerds. - Ha!

- Hi. - Hi.

- Ignore this. - Oh, yeah.

So, what's this super-fun project

you want me to help you with?

We are building a duck village.

- Oh. - Um, hey, mom,

my driving instructor just canceled on me.

Oh, shoot, fine. Fine, I'll take you.

Oh, shoot, fine. I'll sit in the back.

No, no, no. You're gonna stay here and help Phil.

Let's go meet your cousins.

Well, thanks, Uncle Mitch.

Yeah.

You know Luke has failed that driver's test twice now, right?

My options today are frat house, duck village, or car crash.

I'm feeling very comfortable with my decision.

- Okay. - Yeah.

What are you doing with those lights?

I'm trying to get some heat on these eggs.

Due to a grocery mishap,

they spent about seven minutes in the fridge.

So, uh, eggs he found a month ago,

building a whole village for them now...

How's everything at home? Okay?

There is some debate as to the alive-ness of the ducklings.

But I have to say,

living with that kind of belief and optimism,

it just rubs off on you.

I am just gonna...

This should keep my eggs warm.

You're so quiet. What am I doing wrong?

Nothing.

Silence makes me nervous.

Talk about something.

Tell me about your day.

Uh, okay.

Well, this morning, uh, I woke up

and almost got my nose broken by a football.

We have some frat guys staying upstairs,

and cam hangs out with them a lot.

And you're not okay with that?

I don't know. I-I guess.

Who cares?

Come on, let me in.

Okay, if I'm being honest,