Weird Science

Remember what they called us in the fourth grade?

- Les Wieners? - And then in the sixth grade?

El Dorkos.

And who can forget the eighth grade classic?

- Das Barnies. - Das Barnies.

Well, that's all behind us, Wyatt.

This is a new year, a clean slate and through these doors, a chance to start over.

Come. Journey with me.

Did you see that?

Kristen and Jenny just smiled at us.

The geek curse has lifted.

Do you two know you're standing on the school emblem?

We're so embarrassed for you.

Here's the plan.

On my signal, we scream like girls.

Thanks for not spitting on us.

Oh, geez, my parents.

Wyatt...

rough first day?

No, it was great.

Really great.

Is that toilet paper in your hair, son?

Some juniors used Wyatt's head to clear a clog.

Initiation stuff.

- Lots of fun. - ( Horn Honks )

It's back.

Chett.

Mom.

Dad.

Sis.

Showing some leg?

Damn, it's good to be home.

Take care of the bags, ladies.

Is there any chow in the house?

I could eat a dog as big a horse.

Spit shine those antlers till they glow.

So, you turned down your commission after I spent a fortune putting you

through Military School.

I had no choice.

The marines have lost their frost.

A tour of duty these days is serving grits to some pack of third world slackers.

How long are you planning on staying?

Well, it's hard to say.

Unless the commies get their act together I could

be here for the long haul.

How does that rub you?

Pray for war.

Another hot saturday night spit shining your brother's moose.

Tell me, why aren't we at the school dance right now shaking our groove things?

'Cause no girls would talk to us let alone dance with us.

And why is that?

Together we've seen over 600 hours of the playboy channel.

You'd think by now we'd learn something about women.

You make man like me?

No. Woman-- a friend for you.

Woman.

Friend.

Yes.

I want friend.

That's not a bad idea.

- What? - Making a girl.

Actually making a girl.

Just like the bride of Frankenstein but without the knobby neck.

- You serious? - We can use your computer.

Gary...

get real.

Virtual reality is one thing but it's still just a machine.

I mean, you can't kiss it.

I'm not talking about making a video game girl.

I'm talking about making real love babage.

A woman to teach us about women.

We can find out all the things we want to know--

What women think, what they want and why they don't want us.

It can be done.

I saw it once in a John Hughes movie.

- You're scaring me, Gary. - Good.

Let's get ot work.

# Weird #

Intelligence level.

Hmm. Bimbo.

# Weird Science #

# Plastic tubes... #

Now let's customize her.

Make the girl we want exactly the way we want her.

# Weird Science #

# Ooh, things I've never seen before #

# Behind open doors #

# And imagination #

Wyatt we're building a dream babe not a jeopardy champ.

# Making dreams come true #

# Living tissue, warm flesh #

# Weird Science #

Oh, yes.

# Bits and pieces, and #

# Bits and pieces, and #

# Bits of my creation #

# Is it real? #

# It's my creation #

# Ooh, my creation #

# It's my creation #

We need more power.

More power!

Let's do it.

Let's make a woman!

# Weird Science #

# Ooh #

# Fantasy and microchips #

# Shooting from the hip #

# Weird Science #

# Ooh #

# Mending broken hearts #

# And making Weird Science #

# Something like a recipe #

# Bit's and pieces, and #

# Bits and pieces, and #

# Bits of my creation #

# Is it real? #

# It's my creation #

# I do not know #

# No hesitation #

# The hearts of gold #

# The spice of life #

# I do not know #

# I do not know #

# From my heart and from my hand #

# Why don't people understand #

# My intentions? #

# Understand #

# Ooh #

# Bits and pieces, and #

# Weird #

# Bits and pieces #

# Weird Science #

# Ooh, bits and pieces, and #

# Weird Science #

# Bits and pieces, and #

# Bits and pieces, and #

# Bits and pieces, science #

# Bits and... #

# Science #

She's alive. Alive!

She's alive?

- This isn't possible. - How did this happen?

Who cares?

It breathes, it moves and I think it wants me

Gary it is a freak discharge of electrical energy augmented

by supernatural forces far beyond our meagar comprehension.

Yeah, and it's not wearing a bra.

So this is what you boys consider a dream babe.

This body's a scathing indictment of a sexist brain-dead MTV generation.

But then again, what am I complaining about?

I am leggy, buffed, and brainy.

Good job, guys.

Um... You're welcome.

It was Wyatt's computer that did it.

All right, barf-lick!

What the hell is going on?

This place is a war zone.

My... moose melted?

# Somebody's gonna die. #

Whoa!

Who is the little glitter tramp?

My name is...

What is my name?

How... how about Lisa?

Fine.

My name is Lisa.

Whatever.

Take off!

Lisa and I can hammer this out in the privacy of my futon.

Right, honey?

Oh, I'm sorry, Chett.

I'm Wyatt's girl.

He and Gary own me.

Isn't that right, boys?

Uh...

Uh...

If you say so.

You belong to this pile of stink weed?

You're yanking me.

He looks like a little pussy cat but trust me, Wyatt's gifted.

I should know because I'm a part of Gary and Wyatt.

That's why if Wyatt thinks you're disgusting I think you're disgusting.

Bad move.

You're dead.

Oh, no! Not your locker!

Take a good whiff.

That's enough. Let him out.

Please, Chett.

Only when you admit what you are.

Huh?

Admit you're nothing but a cud-chewing wussy boy.

- Chett, please. - I said say it you lying sack of dog puke!

I wish you'd go to hell!

Where did he go?

One second he was here, then next, not.

Chett's where you wished him-- hell.

- You barbecued my brother? - Cool.

Mom's going to be so mad.

Don't worry, Wyatt.