The Poseidon Adventure

- Engine room, is the chief still there? Yes, sir.

- It's the captain, put him on. Aye, aye, sir.

Are you making contact? Yeah, I'm making contact.

Chief, the captain wants you on the phone.

Chief here, go ahead.

What's going on? Anything more you can do with the stabilizers?

Nothing's wrong with the stabilizers so there's nothing more I can do.

Besides, my hands are full with this pump!

You know what the trouble is. It's that bastard Linarcos.

Care to repeat yourself? He's standing right here.

Good, I hope he heard me!

All right, Joe, do the best you can until we clear this weather.

- Where the devil did you come from? - From my cabin, sir.

Don't you realize it's dangerous out there?

You said come up anytime. Robin Shelby...

...remember?

You picked a particularly fascinating moment to come here.

The waves don't bother you?

I've surfed up to 18 feet.

- But these look more like 30. - Thirty-five to be exact.

Some get up to 300.

- I find 60 about maximum. Steady up. Steady up, sir.

- Bring her up. - Bring her up, sir.

Hang on!

- All lifelines rigged? - All except C deck, sir.

When I order all lifelines rigged it includes C deck. See to it.

Wow, surf's really up.

- Master Shelby. - Yes, sir?

We'll continue our discussion another time. Fair enough?

Aye, aye, sir.

That last one almost broached us, Linarcos.

I warned you. We should've loaded extra bunkers in Gibraltar.

We are top-heavy and when that pump is repaired...

...I am taking on more ballast.

- Where next? - Mr. and Mrs. Rogo, M45.

- Yeah? - I'm Dr. Caravello. You asked for me.

All morning.

- You the only doctor on this tub? The only ship doctor.

What if somebody was dying?

Oh, my God, who's not dying?

Three-quarters of the passengers are sick, Mr. Rogo.

We have to take them in rotation.

Use one of these now, another in 8 hours...

...and remain in bed until the sea is calm.

Hold it, hold it.

You mean we had to wait all this time for you to come...

...and give her some pills? And some crap about staying in bed?

How do you know she's just seasick? Look at her!

It could be something else. You didn't even examine her.

Oh, shoot me, Mike. For chrissake, just shoot me.

You see how sick she is?

I'll tell you what this is. It's food poisoning, that's what.

How is she gonna swallow pills when she can't even swallow water?

They're suppositories, Mr. Rogo.

You...

...don't swallow them.

What do you do with them?

I know what to do with suppositories. Just get them out of here!

Oh, hon...

Nurse, I think we should continue with our rounds.

I still think it's food poisoning.

Oh, shut up.

- Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Rosen. - Good morning.

Don't fall over.

- That Martin, he's crazy. - I like that man.

Of course you like him. Why shouldn't you? He runs on time like a train.

You and trains.

When, in my whole life, did I ever run for a train?

Who cried for a week when they tore down the 3rd Avenue El?

Yeah.

He's lonely.

That's why he runs, so you won't notice.

Says here there's a package tour to the mountain...

...where Moses received the Ten Commandments.

No.

When we finally get to Israel, we're gonna stay put, no traveling.

We're gonna get to know our grandson.

Just think, he's 2 years old already. He's talking.

We've never even seen him.

Get down on your knees and pray to God for help...

...and then maybe everything will work out?

Garbage.

Not where I come from.

You could wear off your knees praying to God for heat...

...in a cold water flat in February.

And icicles would grow from your upraised palms.

If you're freezing to death, you burn the furniture...

- ...but you get off your knees. - Somewhat unorthodox, Reverend Scott.

But realistic.

John, use your church for something more than prayer.

With those sermons, it's a wonder you're still ordained.

- Or are you? - The best kind.

Angry, rebellious, critical, a renegade...

...stripped of most of my so-called clerical powers.

But I'm still in business.

- You seem to enjoy the punishment. - Punishment?

The Church has blessed me, that's what it's done.

Banished to a new country in Africa. Hell, I had to look it up...

...on a map to find out where I was going.

My bishop doesn't know, but he's given me exactly what I wanted:

Elbow room. Freedom!

Real freedom. Freedom to dump all the rules and all the trappings.

And freedom to discover God in my own way.

I'd better be going. I'll see you later.

John.

Still want me to give that sermon this afternoon?

Well, one thing's for sure: Nobody will sleep through it.

The weather report, sir.

"Weather moderate to the southeast. Barometer 1016 millibars.

Smooth seas, clear skies." Good.

Keep her on slow, start taking on ballast.

Aye, sir.

Full ahead, captain.

As I've told you, we don't have enough ballast yet to run full ahead.

I suggest we talk privately.

Linus, start taking on ballast.

I did not suggest full ahead, captain.

As the new owner's representative...

- ...I ordered it. - Damn it, man...

...the Poseidon is too fine a lady to be rushed to the junkyard on her last voyage.

We're three days behind schedule and it's costing thousands of dollars...

...to maintain a wrecking crew. I demand we dock Monday!

I can't afford to gamble with my passengers' lives!

Your business is to deliver this ship when and where we want it.

An unstable ship at full ahead is dangerous. Especially one this old.

I'm sure I don't have to remind you of my right to relieve your command.

Three other officers have their master's license.

Now, order full ahead.

You irresponsible bastard.

Full ahead!

Aye, aye, sir.

Oh, can't you see the morning after?

It's waiting right outside the storm

Why don't we cross the bridge together

And find a place that's safe and warm?

It's not too late, we should be giving

Only with love can we climb

Where did that lot come from?

They boarded at Gibraltar. They're on their way to Sicily.

A free trip for free music.

They're going to a jazz festival.

There's got to be a morning after

Morning after

I can't take this. Give me a Strauss waltz.

I rather fancy it.

You? You even fancy bagpipes.

Hey, did you know this?

The engines on this ship have more total horsepower...

...than all the cavalry Napoleon used to conquer Europe.

How about that?

That's heavy, Robin, real heavy.

The generator creates enough electricity...

...to light Charleston, South Carolina, and Atlanta, Georgia.

- Shelby? - That's right.

- Cable. - Thank you.

- It's my turn to open the cable. - Don't be so childish.

"Mother and I waiting impatiently your arrival.

Our thoughts and our love with you on this New Year's Eve. Dad."

- We should've sent them a wire. - I did.

How come you didn't ask me for my ideas? I mean, what to put in it.

Why couldn't I have had a brother that's easier to live with?

- Stop jumping and go take a shower. - I'm going to the engine room.

- You're going to church services. - On vacation?

- Will you get in that bathroom? - I want to see the propeller shaft.

- You'll see the propeller shaft later. - Why don't you shove it?

Don't you ever say that to me again.

Shove it, shove it, shove it.

God is pretty busy.

He has a plan for humanity that stretches beyond our comprehension.

So we can't expect Him to concern Himself with the individual.

The individual is important only to the extent...

...of providing a creative link between the past and the future...

...in his children, or in his grandchildren...

...or his contributions to humanity.

Therefore, don't pray to God to solve your problems.

Pray to that part of God within you.

Have the guts to fight for yourself.

God wants brave souls.

He wants winners, not quitters.

If you can't win, at least try to win.

God loves tryers.

- Isn't that right, Robin? - Right.

So, what resolution should we make for the New Year?

Resolve to let God know that you have the guts to do it alone!

Resolve to fight for yourselves and for others...

...and for those you love.

That part of God within you will be fighting with you...

...all the way.

Do you know what it means to be picked out from all the people on this boat...

...to sit at the captain's table on New Year's Eve?

I'll tell you one thing it means.

That your worries about other women looking down on you is bull.

He only invited us because you're a detective lieutenant.

Why don't you just go without me?

What am I supposed do at midnight, kiss the captain?

Don't knock it.

Why don't you admit the real reason?

You're still afraid some bum will recognize you.

That's pretty stupid!

You're out of that business now. You're my wife.