Minnie and Moskowitz

Come on, mother.

Come on.

Sorry about that screeching.

But you got low pressure tires.

Yeah. I know. Thank you. Battery needs chargin', too.

Okay. Fine, thank you.

Okay.

You want to sell it? Certainly I want to sell it.

Well, then give me it. You're blockin' the stand.

Give me the money.

Don't block the stand over here, will you? What do you mean?

- Hello, Frank. How are you? - Hi.

And when you heard Thursby was shot, you knew.

Gutman was in town and you knew you needed another protector,

somebody to fill Thursby's boots.

So you came back to me.

Yes. Sweetheart, it wasn't only that.

I'd have come back to you sooner or later.

From the very first instant I saw you, I knew.

Well...

Hello. What?

Cold out there?

My name's Morgan. Like to hear me sing a song? Yes. Getting that way.

I can dance. I give speeches.

What's your name?

Seymour. Moskowitz. Morgan Morgan.

I used to do this pretty easy at one time.

My elbow got fat over the years.

Do you like movies?

I just saw a movie called The Maltese Falcon. You ever see that?

I don't care anything.

I don't know anything about cinema. I don't like it.

Bunch of lonely people going in, looking up. Forget about it.

You don't like Bogart?

I only like one. Wallace Beery.

Okay, it'll be what?

I like Bogart.

A hot dog.

And a beer and a coffee.

You want a beer and a coffee?

Yeah. A beer and a coffee and a hot dog with mustard.

And... Hey, miss!

Hey, miss, I didn't finish givin' you my order.

Everyday people. That's what's wrong with this world. We ought to get rid of them.

I didn't finish giving my order.

Well, that's what's wrong with the world, Listen to me.

Don't be frightened. You're just a kid. What do you know?

My wife died. I'm lonely.

I live in the same building for 28 years, walk-up, cold.

I helped build that GM stone monster up there, you know?

I'm scared to hell of heights. Boy.

But it doesn't bother me. I was close to paradise. That rhymes.

The wind is always blowin' and I'm spittin' down on the people.

Nobody gets tough with me up there. Watch out.

I'm 48 years old.

I get naked.

I look at my big belly. My legs are getting skinny,

and my chest is getting big like a woman.

Life is going on, I'm not getting nowhere.

But I don't care. What the hell!

Fat, skinny, broad, wide...

I'm not a fashion model.

Look at that la panza? It took a lot of shit to build that up.

I say, "Morgan, what do you want, a million dollars?" No, siree,

not with taxes the way they are, no!

You're smart. What nationality are you, son?

Moskowitz. That's Jewish. Moskowitz. Morgan. Welsh.

You don't know what Welsh is. That's Wales.

Yeah. Good people. Real good people.

They're quiet, though. They're sullen.

They cry, they laugh, they sing, they know.

I know. What? What do you know?

I know poems. I know rhymes. "Give to me the life I love Let the love go by me"

I know that it's hard to shave at night without soap.

I know it's hard to breathe at night without air.

I know. I know where my wife is buried.

I know where... I know a lot of things.

That's right, son.

Yep.

Tell me a joke. You know jokes?

No.

I'll tell you one. You ever hear...

I don't want to hear no jokes.

Don't listen to no jokes! But don't be a joke with me.

What do you do? What do you know? Nothin'.

Did you ever go by the zoo? Right around here?

No. You don't?

I used to sleep in the zoo.

My best friends are in the zoo, the polar bears, monkeys,

the wolves, the hyenas, the leopards...

And those go...

Hey. My wife died. Did you know her?

No, I told you I didn't know her. You asked me that.

Now, what'll it be? I need the table.

I got a relationship going here with my son.

Screw. I need the table.

Get me some fresh water. Put a lot of ice in it.

How 'bout a bite?

Gee, you're a swell fella.

Gee, that was good.

Look, are you gonna order? I need that table!

Toothpick for me. I lose a lot of teeth here. I should give you a bill.

About 25 of my lowers are gone.

Morgan.

No. I couldn't do that. No, look.

I have to work for my money. I didn't work. I didn't say one poem.

"Bed in the bush with stars to see Bread I dip in the river."

"There's the man for a lamb like me There's the man forever."

"White as meal the frosty field Warm the fireside haven."

"Not the summer will I yield Not to winter, even."

"Then I pressed the shell close to my ear."

Come back, son and listen to the rest of the poem.

Treat your father with respect!

What can I bring you? God damn it!

Buffalo Bill is defunct.

He used to ride silver smooth stallions... A nice hot dog?

Who could shoot clay pigeons... Would you like a hot dog?

You've got a lot of freckles. My wife had 'em, right on her ass.

Get out of here. Leave me alone.

No kidding!

My... Watch your bananas!

Hey. Remember me?

No, I don't. Seymour. Yeah, you do.

Seymour Moskowitz. Seymour, this is my husband.

How are you, Seymour? You remember me. I know. Ginger.

No, I'm sorry. This is my wife. This isn't Ginger.

Look at me. Do you know this fella?

- No, I... - You don't remember me?

No! No, man, I don't know you.

I'm sorry. That's what I said. You don't remember me.

I don't speak that shit.

We got the white? We got the white frost?

White frost. Remember that, it's the best one.

White frost. Come here. I don't like him.

White frost. Hello.

Excuse me.

Sorry. It was only a little drink.

- Excuse me. - Right on.

Excuse me. No. Stop it. You know him?

Come on. Stop what?

I know that girl. No, you don't.

You know me. No, I don't.

Think about it. Neighborhood. You know me.

I don't know you. You heard what she said.

Sugar daddy. Hello!

Don't be playing around with everybody.

Hello. I'm Seymour.

Moskowitz. How are you? Hello, man.

- Can I have a drink? - Sure.

Be cool, baby.

I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry.

Hey, I'm sorry.

It's cool.

Smoky Joe, baby. Come on, Muhammad.

Come on, mother, come on.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello!

Hello. Can I buy you a drink?

I don't drink with strangers.

Me a stranger?

In this place? Look at me.

Seymour Moskowitz.

Who are you?

You're Irish. I could tell that by the red of your hair and the blue of your eye.

And for that, I'll buy you a drink.

Christ.

What's it gonna be, gentlemen?

Get him out of here.

Put him out the door!

You chickenshit son-of-a-bitches!

Not you, Irish.

Hello, Mommy.

Come in, sweetheart.

I'm so happy to see you!

You're so wonderful. You're so wonderful.

I got soup, I got salad, meat.

And your favorite. Potato pancakes?

Nope. The boiled meat.

You said that, Mom. You said meat.

- Smell good? - Smells delicious.

I love the smell. Come in the kitchen and look at it.

Here. Come in. Come in.

Here, give me the flowers.

Where did you get these big flowers?

I don't have a vase big enough for these big flowers!

What did you do, get these gigantic flowers?

What's wrong?

You feel good?

Yeah. I feel fine, Mom.

You were hungry. I'm always hungry.

You need money. I'm going to California.

Eat your food.

Eat your food.

Will you eat your food?

Are you listening to me? Eat your food!

Do you want me to get angry?

Do you want me to lose my temper? Now, eat. Eat!

Would you do me a favor and sit up here and eat?

I'm so sorry.